Look at Bar Wrestling 12: Aunt May! from May 17th, 2018 in Baldwin Park, CA. Matches feature Penta El Zero M, Rey Fenix, and…Benny Capricorn?
The Lucha Bros (Penta El Zero M & Rey Fenix) vs. Scorpio Sky & Willie Mack
This match was really good. The crowd was really hot for this, especially when Penta and Willie were tagged in. It started off with some nice one-on-one sequences, and then it became more of a sprint after Rey Fenix hit a dive on Sky. The Lucha Bros had a nice showcase of double team spots as usual. Sky and Willie also had some nice double team moves, including a Chokeslam/Lungblower combo that looked cool. Fenix and Penta got the win after Fenix hit Willie with a double jump springboard double stomp off the ropes. This was a really solid match with each guy having a good performance.
Douglas James vs. Benny Capricorn and B-Boy
During this, Kevin Condron (who portrayed by the same person who portrays Jervis Cottonbelly) wouldn’t shut the fuck up about Justin Borden or his pants and took away from the match. More on that later.
At first this was supposed to be B-Boy vs. Douglas James, but Benny Capricorn replaced him. This was my first time seeing Benny Capricorn. Where did this Benny Capricorn guy come from? Who trained him? I’m legitimately unfamiliar with him and can’t find information on his history. Oh well. Let’s see if this newcomer can last in SoCal.
The match started out with some comedy spots where Benny Capricorn kept fooling around and frustrating Douglas James. As the match went on, Douglas James started to get some offense in and controlled the match until he slapped Benny Capricorn. After the slap, B-Boy absorbed Benny Capricorn’s being and took his place in the match. I guess this is technically a handicap match now. After the change in competitors, B-Boy and Douglas James both hit various spots for near falls. B-Boy eventually won after hitting a Tiger Driver ’98 to get the win. This was a really good match. I’d even go as far as to say that it was better than some of the matches I saw from their FCW series.
Violence Unlimited (Brody King & Tyler Bateman) vs. Rocky Romero & Kevin Martenson.
This was supposed to be Martenson and Johnny Yuma’s Rocknes Monsters reunion, but Yuma couldn’t perform. No complaints from me. If anything, Rocky Romero being added to the match was a huge positive. Rocky and Brody had a really fun exchange in the opening portion of the match. Most of the match centered around Brody overpowering everyone and Violence Unlimited working over Martenson. There was a funny moment where Brody chopped Martenson as he was standing on the bottom rope, causing Martenson to fly out of the ring. This resulted in him flying into a woman, spilling her drink.
Eventually Martenson got the hot tag, and Rocky did a babyface fire sequence. Brody had a really good showcase here. He came off like a star in this. Martenson also had a good showing here. He was all over the place and hit some nice suplex variations. Violence Unlimited got the win here. I really liked this match. Brody and Martenson both had really fun performances. The seem like they could have a really fun singles match together.
Joey Ryan vs. Xia Brookside
Justin Borden was the referee for this match, and once again we have to deal with Kevin Condron being a douche on commentary. Again, more on this later. The match started out with Joey, as usual, asking Xia to touch his dick. Then he paused and asked “wait, how old are you?” Joey’s character has really evolved. In the past, that question wouldn’t be a problem for his character. During all this, Joey said there’d be no dick stuff that night. The fans would chant “we want dick” after. What a classy fan base Bar Wrestling has.
The match centered around Joey overpowering Xia, with Xia getting some comebacks on Joey. Eventually the “no dick stuff” promise ended up being broken, as Joey did his dick spot on Xia. He would also do a Boobplex on her, which got the fans to chant “Boobplex City.” Once again, what a classy fan base Bar Wrestling has. Xia eventually won after countering a Duff Drop, followed by an Iconoclasm and transitioned that into a bridging pin. This was a solid match. Nothing great, but nothing bad. The only shitty thing here was the awful commentary from Condron.
Handicap Match: DoomFly (Eli Everfly & Delilah Doom) vs. Brian Cage
Usually handicap matches where the smaller wrestlers are both smaller than their opponent are squashes that put over the bigger worker. This one though did a unique job at not only putting over Cage as a monster, but also DoomFly as a good underdog team.
The match started our with DoomFly hitting moves on Cage, getting an early advantage. They also hit some unique double team spots on Cage, which the crowd really dug. Eventually Cage would make a comeback and got some offense in on DoomFly. Cage based really well for Eli and Delilah, and was able to do some cool stuff on them. Seeing him toss Eli around was also pretty entertaining. DoomFly would eventually win after hitting the Tower of Doom on Cage. The match overall was really fun and put together nicely. It had good pacing, and the spots were built well.
Kikutaro & The Killer Baes (Heather Monroe & Laura James) vs. Taya Valkyrie, Luchasaurus, & Super Panda
I ended up turning the volume off since Justin Borden was the referee. I really didn’t want to hear Condron’s commentary for this.
There was a good sequence between Heather and Luchasaurus to start the match. Luchasaurus might be one of the most underrated guys in SoCal right now. Eventually Super Panda plays the Ricky Morton role and took offense from the Killer Baes. He tagged in Taya, and she got a bunch of offense on the opposing team before Heather hit her with a Canadian Destroyer. After that, Luchasaurus and Super Panda hit a Brainbuster/Head Kick combo on Heather Monroe that looked cool.
The closing moments of the match began focusing on sexual assault spots. Luchasaurus and Super Panda tried to kiss Laura James, but instead they ended up kissing each other after she delivered low blows and forced them to kiss. Then there was a spot where the Baes had Taya set up for Kiku to grab her breasts. This resulted in Taya to get out of it, which leads to Kiku grabbing the Baes’ breasts. They got upset at him and left. After that, Taya hit Kiku with a bottle to get the win for her team. The match quality was still decent, but nothing spectacular. Heather Monroe had a really good performance though.
Eli Drake vs. Hurricane Helms
Before the match, Eli cut a promo. You can turn watching his promos into a drinking game. Take a shot every time Eli Drake starts off by saying “Lemme talk to ya.” Take a shot every time he says “dummy.” If he does his “E-LI-DRAKE” line, take two shots. Chug the bottle when he ends with “that is just a fact of life.” People say Eli Drake is good at promos, but this shit was bad. It felt like a drawn out amateur stand-up comedy set. Kevin Condron’s fake-laugh made shit even worse. He makes Corey Graves and Michael Cole sound genuine when they fake-laugh during bad comedy bits. This was five minutes of my life I’ll never get back.
Following Eli Drake’s terrible comedy routine, Hurricane Helms came to the ring with some belt around his waist. Then he got on the mic to cut a promo. He talked about Eli having to leave early while having sex with some girl. Helms also said he couldn’t help but to notice with his x-ray vision that Eli was wearing red panties and implied he has a small dick. After that, Helms made a tiny dick jokes. This went segment went from Eli Drake having a shitty stand-up comedy routine, to a shitty roast battle really quickly.
After 10 minutes of unfunny mic work, we get a match. They started off doing some comedy bits. Eventually Eli Drake gained control of the match for a bit while yelling at the crowd and constantly screaming his name. Hurricane would make a comeback and got some offense in before the closing moments of the match. Both guys hit some moves for near falls before Hurricane got the win when he pulled Eli’s tights down after a Sunset Flip attempt, followed by a Chokeslam. This match was a chore to watch after the promo portions of this segment. I mean, it wasn’t long, but it was just a waste of my time. It also didn’t help that Hurricane’s performance wasn’t spectacular. Not that I was expecting him to be a workhorse, but I really have no interest in seeing him performing in 2018.
First, Kevin Condron’s commentary
If you’ve read my reviews before, you’d know that I’m not a fan of Condron’s work. Usually he just sucks at whatever he does. This show however, he was beyond intolerable. Whenever Justin Borden was refereeing a match, Condron would go on belligerent rants where he would bash Justin for wearing white pants, and accused him of seeking attention. From what I’ve been told, Condron was being genuine about his dislike of Justin and wasn’t portraying a character.
Whether or not you agree with Condron isn’t the issue. The issue is how he went about things. As a commentator, he should’ve been focusing on the matches he was calling. Instead he chose to openly bash Justin over and over again, taking attention away from the matches he was refereeing. This was completely disrespectful to the performers trying to put on matches. Beyond being awful on commentary, the way Kevin Condron went into business for himself was the most unprofessional shit I’ve seen on a show in recent years. He should never be used on a Bar Wrestling show again after this shit.
Now thoughts on the show
Overall, I’d say that this was one of the better overall Bar Wrestling shows aside from the last two matches. The last two matches weren’t matches that are worth going out of your way to see, but everything else was really good. The Lucha Bros vs. Sky/Willie match was a really fun opener, and the Violence Unlimited vs. Romero/Martenson match was pretty good.
Now, Bar Wrestling isn’t putting on “must-see” matches every time out, but they’re offering some really enjoyable matches that you wouldn’t see elsewhere in SoCal. DoomFly vs. Cage is an example of that. It’s rare that you ever see competitive and fun handicap matches in wrestling these days. Normally they’re done to advance storylines or put over someone, but this match was different. If you were to only check out one match on this show, I’d check this one one. As for the entire show, I recommend checking out the show if you’re interested in it.