Taking a look at XWW’s 2017 Ultraviolent Cup tournament. Oh boy.
First, some reading for you newer readers about Marvin Mercado, a.k.a. Mr. California. A legend in his own, semi-functional mind. In 2004 he founded a promotion called Xtreme World Wrestling. It became notorious for being the biggest joke in Southern California wrestling.
In 2016, Marvin and XWW began advertising Deathmatch star John Zandig for a show that was set for July 30th of that year. Shortly after that, Zandig announced that he would not be working for Marvin’s XWW. After the news broke, several other performers who were slated for the show pulled out. Rumors of harassing text messages and threats from Marvin were supposedly sent to some performers.
In September of 2016, I reviewed XWW’s “Straight Outta Ultraviolence” event that took place in August in Sun Valley, CA that year. It wasn’t very good.
Later that year, Marvin presented the 2016 Ultraviolent Cup. The show could be best summed up with these two GIFs.
Yes, those are DOGS in the second GIF. They just wandered into the show.
Now, I review the 2017 edition of the XWW Ultraviolent Cup. God help me.
While running in Sun Valley, Marvin was usually drawing 18-24 attendees (depending on whether or not stray dogs wandered into the venue). However, in Baldwin Park, he was able to draw a grand total of 36 fans. I know this because I counted them all. XWW is getting those Maverick Pro numbers now.
2017 Ultraviolent Cup First Round – Who the fuck knows or cares about what the stipulation was for this: Twisto vs. Aiden Way
“This first match is a, first round…match, for the Ultraviolent Cup tournament.”-Biggie Biggz doing ring announcing.
Biggie Biggz did ring announcing for this show. He didn’t announce the stipulation for this match. God bless Twisto. He edited this show apparently. He also came out to The Transplants, a.k.a. Tim Armstrong and Travis Barker’s awful side-project. Aiden Way looked as if he came straight out of a backyard. His gear was a Hawaiian shirt cargo shorts. The bar at the American Legion in Baldwin Park had their stools up. They must’ve known that nobody was going to this shitty show and didn’t bother setting up cause they knew they’d make no money. The referee for this match was wearing a fitted hat. XWW was obviously the most professional promotion in SoCal last year based on that.
The best part of the match was Twisto somehow hurting his balls after Aiden punched a rubber “Stop” sign into his mid section. He would end up selling that, even after getting a wall clock thrown at his head. Aiden tried to work the group of fans in attendance. They weren’t buying into his shenanigans though.This match sucked. All they did was goof off and hit each other with like two weapons before the finish. Aiden won after hitting a sloppy Fisherman Brainbuster on Twisto through thin wood set up on chairs. What a terrible match. It wasn’t even much of a “deathmatch” with weapon spots or anything. It was just a shitty hardcore match.
2017 Ultraviolent Cup First Round – Tapai Thumbtack Kickpad Deathmatch: Adam Bueller vs. B.C. Killer
Biggie botched B.C. Killer’s introduction. He couldn’t pronounce East Los Angeles. This started out with Bueller kicking B.C. before B.C. took control for a bit. Then Bueller began carving B.C. up for awhile. The fans didn’t react to anything Bueller was saying. He was trying to hard to make them laugh, but nobody cared. This match wasn’t worth caring about. It was just stabby/carvy bullshit with Bueller bleeding and screaming the entire time. B.C. Killer hit a nice exploder suplex, but that was it. Bueller won with a School Boy. 100% Ultraviolence, bros. Another sucktastic match. Again, not much of a deathmatch.
2017 Ultraviolent Cup First Round – Thumbtack Madness Match: “El Chivo” Kayam vs. Mr. California w/ V-Pacalypse
This was honestly kinda sad. Enigma De Oro & Kayam, better known as Los Chivos, are two guys who could be considered SoCal Lucha legends. Mostly because they’ve been around forever and have been popular among fans. They’ve also even been on various TV and media stuff. The fact that Kayam has been reduced to working Marvin at his shitty ass deathmatch tournament is depressing.
Before the match began, Marvin poured push pins in the middle of the ring. He kept mumbling a bunch of dumb shit as the match took place. When Marvin went to the outside of the ring, the referee started to count Marvin out. This resulted in V-Pacalypse having to remind the referee this was a deathmatch while asking him if he was stupid..I don’t know about the referee, but I am for watching this show. As this was happening, you could see Marvin trying to blade himself for about a minute. Marvin predictably went over after hitting a Samoan Driver on Kayam. Jesus Christ this was awful.
2017 Ultraviolent Cup Semi-Finals – Mexican Deathmatch: Aiden Way vs. Adam Bueller
This was a “Mexican Deathmatch” because there were cactus plants on a small wooden pallet. Yeah, I don’t know either. Most of the plants weren’t even fucking used. What a goddamn waste. Bueller told the group of fans in attendance he stole his fork from New Jack, so he had all his powers. Too bad none of the fans in attendance seemed to know who New Jack is.
The two started off with a shitty brawl around the venue. Marvin could be seen at the merchandise table during this match. Very professional. This had more shitty brawling moments and carving bullshit throughout the match. I can’t emphasize enough how terrible and unfunny this match was. I’ve seen backyard matches put on by 12 year olds with better structor than this. There was one stupid spot where Aiden tried to suplex Bueller into a chair propped up in the corner. It ended up falling and the spot looked awful, just like everything else on this shit show so far. Even if it wasn’t botched, it’d probably still look stupid. Bueller won after hitting a second rope double stomp on Aiden as he laid on the wooden pallet with some cacti on him. This was another awful match. Good grief, I’m starting to hate myself for watching this shit.
2017 Ultraviolent Cup Semi-Finals – Weed Wacker, Etc. Deathmatch: Neil Diamond Cutter vs. Mr. California
During his entrance, fucking Marvin struggled to turn on a weed wacker. Neil Diamond Cutter got a bye into the semi-finals. Marvin probably couldn’t afford to have him work two matches just like he couldn’t afford weapons for this shitty deathmatch tournament.
This match started off with both guys doing fake ass Strong Style shit before using weapons. Marvin hit Neil with lighttubes. The shattered pieces ended up flying into the group of fans full of children. Then Neil Diamond Cutter did the same thing moments later. Again, glass flew into the group of fans that had children around. The first real spot of the night came when Marvin pushed Neil into lighttubes set up on some chairs. Moments later, Neil Diamond Cutter tried to hit Marvin with a body slam, but botched that. The match ended with Marvin shockingly going over. What a surprise ending that was. Another fucking awful match.
XWW Heavyweight Championship Match: V-Pacalypse (c) vs. Sgt. Major Alexander Paul vs. Biagio Crescenzo
This was supposedly scheduled to have Mike Modest in it. Mike Modest wasn’t there. I’m not surprised at all about that. Before the match, Marvin cut a promo saying Modest had an injury, but thought he was just scared. Personally I think he wasn’t booked at all. So Marvin talked and said it was gonna be a singles match. Marvin walked off while Sgt. Major Alexander Paul told him Biggie needed to finish the ring introductions.
Biagio would come out, and the music guy played his song late. Biagio cut a promo and Marvin put him in the match. This was stupid because V-Pacalypse and Marvin were allies in the first match. Why wouldn’t Marvin hook his homie up with a night off? Oh, I know why. It’s because he’s a fucking idiot with a brain that doesn’t function normally.
The match starts off with Biagio and V-Pacalypse having a one-on-one sequence. Usually I’m not into his work, but Biagio was easily the best performer on the show. He looked like Ricky Steamboat compared to everyone else here. Then again, that’s like having the highest I.Q. on the short bus. Sgt. Major got in the ring and had a sequence with V-Pacalypse before V-Pac did a tope suicida to him and Biagio outside the ring. Honestly, V-Pacalypse could be a really good performer if he went to the Santino Bros, trained with them, and got away from these low-level bullshit shows.
The final sequence saw all four guys do spots. I said four guys even though there are three in the match cause I’m crazy like that. V-Pacalypse won when he threw Sgt. Major Alexander out of the ring after he hit his finisher on Biagio and pinned Biagio. On any other show, this would be a nothing match. However, with this being XWW, this was hands down the Match of the Night. How depressing is that?
2017 Ultraviolent Cup Finals : Adam Bueller vs. Mr. California
‘This is time for our main event. *bird chirping noises from someone’s phone plays*”-Biggie Biggz doing ring announcing.
Before the match, some guy in the group of fans said Marvin owed him $450 and that he would take him to small claims court if he didn’t pay him. This was followed by Marvin threatening to batter him with lighttubes. Marvin then claimed he had a good lawyer. I doubt that is true since he can’t even afford gimmicks for his shitty deathmatch tournament. He also said “fuck Jesse Hernandez, tell him I said that. Jesse don’t do what I do, bitch.” He’s right. Someone tell Jesse he doesn’t do what Marvin does. You know, since Jesse actually draws people to shows and has the respect of many people in the business. Someone let him know he’s not a piece of shit like Marvin who is terrible at everything.
There were lighttubes set up on the ropes and two corners, and a glass door in the corner. Both guys immediately smashed each other with a bunch of tubes at the start of the match. At one point, Bueller smashed one over his own head. Marvin shoved a bunch of skewers in Bueller’s head. Of all the dumb shit in deathmatches these days, skewer spots are the fucking dumbest, along with needle shit. Both guys threw each other into tubes set up in the corner, and Marvin hit a running Samoan Driver onto Bueller into the glass door thing. This was followed by a bunch of shitty floor brawling. They did some other shitty spots, and then Bueller won when he hit a running senton with a bunch of tubes on Marvin, while also holding tubes over his back. I was very relieved when this shit was over.
“And your winner, and…the winner of the Ultraviolent Cup 2017.”-Biggie Biggz doing ring announcing.
After the match, Mush-mouthed Marvin rambled on the mic and gave Bueller a shitty trophy. Bueller then cut a generic ‘thank you people for supporting this” promo with a bunch of cuss words thrown in. Marvin then said he was bringing in Ludark Shaitan for his next show. Anyone guess what the status of that is?
I can’t think of anything that I’d hate more than watching this show again. This shit was worse than having to sit through an entire hour of Fox News. I really wish i could explain why I subjected myself to this. Look, my standards for deathmatch shows and matches are low. Even if a deathmatch is awful, at least the crazy moments are things I can enjoy. Sadly this show not only had shitty matches, but it lacked in crazy moments. XWW shows aren’t as bloody or ultraviolent as Marvin claims.
Listen, if you ever come across a flyer or advertisement for a XWW show, do yourself a favor and don’t check out their shows. Most of the names advertised won’t appear, and the matches will suck. What did this territory ever do to deserve Mr. California and XWW?