The most prestigious irrelevant garbage promotion in Southern California, Xtreme World Wrestling, returned to the ghetto of the San Fernando Valley in (not so) lovely Sun Valley, California on Saturday night, as XWW promoter/booker Marvin Mercado ran the 2016 XWW Ultraviolent Cup, a deathmatch tournament where the booking quality was on par with TNA’s in 2010.
If you’re unfamiliar with the history of XWW, I suggest breifly reading my review of their last event to get an idea of what XWW is all about. You’ll quickly realize that it’s just some fat retard’s vain attempt at getting positive recognition as a deathmatch wrestler. In the time leading up to the show, Marvin’s XWW group would post terrible promos on Youtube to hype this shitshow. There were several matches advertised for this show, but none of them took place. Marvin’s numbers seemed to have taken a small hit, as there were 19 fans in attendance for the show according to sources, which is down from the 22 fans who were in attendance at his last event.
Thanks to Johnny Suarez for being brave enough to attend this event and film it for my entertainment pleasure.
(Note: after this review was posted, I was notified by Johnny Suarez that there was a match missing. This review has been updated to include said match. Not that it matters. Fuck this show.)
Ruben Iglesias vs. Biagio Crescenzo
At the last XWW event, Ruben Iglesias had an abortion of a match against Ricky The Activist. After the match, Marvin announced that Ruben, Ricky, and Biagio would be competing in a Ladder Mach at the next show for some title. Here we are at the next show, and there is no ladder match, and no Ricky The Activist. Marvin handled ring announcing for this event making it hard to understand what the fuck was going on here since Marvin always sounds like he’s got a bunch of dicks in his mouth when he talks. The match started off with both guys trying to do a lock up spot that went to the outside that got no reaction from the 18 fans in attendance. When they went back in the ring, they had a match that full of basic punches and strikes, with Biagio trying to play heel. This sucked. Biagio looks like he could’ve been one of the brothers on “Malcolm In The Middle” more than he does a pro wrestler. Honestly, this was a Backyard-level quality match, and they didn’t even use weapons. There was some screwy finish where Biagio hit Ruben with an object behind the referee’s back and won. This sucked.
XWW Ultraviolent Cup First Round Tournament Match – Exorcism Deathmatch: Super Gavacho vs. Twisto
Before the match, Gavacho cut a promo where he said he only does Lucha Libre and referred to Marvin by his real name. Marvin, who is once again doing ring announcing, kept trying to encourage him, and Gavacho left. This opening angle made no sense, and the rules of the match gimmick weren’t made clear until after the match started when Twisto pinned Gavacho for a three count after Powerbombing him through a wooden board with shit on it. Turns out in order to win the match, he has to be put through two of those things. So the match goes on, and the quality is also backyard-level bad. Prominent San Diego-area fan Chris Duncan was struck by a flying piece of a broken lighttube during this match. Marvin started a “Holy Shit” chant, and tried to start a “WE WANT BLOOD” chant on the P.A. These attempts at trying to get the crowd going sadly went on a few more times after this and failed each time.
He also kept warning Gavacho about hitting the ceiling when he was climbing to the top rope before Gavacho slipped. His feet actually did hit the ceiling when Twisto was trying to suplex him, and he ended up dropping him before executing a terrible Fisherman’s Buster. Twisto put himself through the remain boards of wood, and then Gavacho declared himself the winner and had the referee stop the match. I have to say, the booking on this show is up there with Giant Baba’s “King’s Road” philosophy.
XWW Ultraviolent Cup First Round Tournament Match – Homerun Derby Deathmatch: Oso Loco vs. V-Pacalypse
Before the match, someone in the group of fans yelled out that they wanted to see some fundamentals in this match. That set the tone for these next 11 minutes. V-Pacalypse was being advertised to be facing Mr. California in a “Barefoot Thumbtack And Toy Box Deathmatch,” and Oso Loco was advertised to be facing Twisto in a “Pits Of Hell Deathmatch”in the weeks leading up to the show. I don’t think anyone noticed, or even cared. The opening moments of this match surprisingly weren’t completely awful. The gimmick for this match was that they were using Wiffle Balls with thumbtacks glued on them. Not much to this shit. There was a hilarious moment seven minutes into the match in this where V-Pacalypse threw Oso Loco to the floor, and Oso Loco just landed hard after missing the apron to break his fall to the floor, making for a hilarious sound. The first genuine “HOLY SHIT” chant of the night came when Oso Loco threw V-Pacalypse into a wall and put a hole in it. Marvin can be seen checking on the damage and commenting on losing his deposit. He ended up calling Oso Loco by his real name in the middle of the match. Hilarious. V-Pacalypse won after hitting Oso Loco in the head with the gimmicked Wiffle Ball bat. What a spectacle this was.
XWW Ultraviolent Cup Second Round Tournament Match – Barbwire Baseball Bat Deathmatch: Chuey Martinez vs. Super Gavacho
So I guess Chuey Martinez, who was advertised to be facing Gavacho in the first round in the weeks leading up to the show, got a bye. Gabe Sapolsky wishes he had the booking talent and business management skills that Marvin Mercado has. Gavacho wanted to do Lucha Libre and technical wrestling, and the first part of the match was filled with awful technical wrestling. I don’t think Gavacho has any basic wrestling skills. Eventually a barbwire bat comes into play. This shit was boring, but it was hilarious to see Gavacho trying to avoid hitting the ceiling whenever he did moves off the middle rope. Martinez won after hitting a body slam with a barbwire bat on Gavacho. Goddamn this was awful.
XWW Ultraviolent Cup Second Round Tournament Match – Barefoot Thumbtack Deathmatch: Mr. California vs. V-Pacalypse
So Marvin also got a Bye in this tournament. He cut a promo dedicating his match to J.C.Bailey, saying Bailey died for deathmatch wrestling. I’m not even going to get into that. I wish I could say I was surprised by Marvin’s poor taste, but I wasn’t. V-Pacalypse refused to take his shoes off, thus negating the point of the match’s gimmick. This match was mostly Marvin jumping around in a few dozen or so thumbtacks and trying to elbow strike exchanges with V-Pacalypse, who also took some tack spots. Then they brought in Legos and proceeded to do the worst spot ever shortly after. Marvin took a Northern Lights Suplex onto the Legos and Thumbtacks. Marvin cut V-Pacalypse with a knife, and then hit an Air Raid Crash on the pile of Legos and Thumbtacks to pin V-Pacalypse and advance to the finals of his own tournament. Goddamn I feel really sorry for V-Pacalypse.
Graffiti Kid (w/V-Pacalypse) vs. Kayam (w/ Enigma De Oro)
(Note: This match was uploaded after this review was published.)
At the last XWW show, these two were involved in an awful tag team match that had the worst ending ever. Read about it in my review linked above. This was the most tolerable match of the show, and it was still bad. Kayam won with a Sharpshooter, and I lose for having wasted my time watching this match and updating this review for it.
Rating: 1/4* (By default, this was the Match Of The Night despite it not even being rated a full star.)
XWW Ultraviolent Cup Finals – Barbwire Ropes Deathmatch: Mr. California vs. Chuey Martinez
Before the match, two dogs walked into the venue. Originally I was told one dog walked in, but there were two, thus bumping the total attendance up to 21! Those dogs would’ve probably preferred to have been euthanized than have to sit through and watch one of Marvin’s matches. Someone should be charged with animal cruelty for making them attend this show.
So this featured the usual Mr. California signature spots: getting hit with shit, shitty “stiff” strikes, getting stabbed with shit, thrown into shit, and having an extremely shitty performance. Chuey ended up getting glass or some shit stuck in his head, and had to call on Biggie Biggz and some lady to attend to him. Then Marvin walked up to him and Chuey attacked him. Marvin ended up hitting a Death Valley Driver on Chuey through a glass shower door that was setup in the corner, and then they both started stabbing each other with shit. Marvin handed Chuey a syringe to stab him with. Chuey won after hitting a Death Valley Driver on Marvin through another glass shower door set up in the corner to win the match, and this shitty ass tournament.
Post match shenanigans: Marvin’s retarded mush mouthed ass presented Chuey with a trophy for winning his tournament. Fuck this show.
This show fucking sucked. I didn’t even proofread my review, but I never do that shit so whatever. Even as a deathmatch show, this sucked ass. Not enough blood or weapons, and the stipulations sucked. The end.