I’m in rare form in this CWFH review. A bunch of terrible stuff happened, and I’m going to explore more reasons why this show gets overlooked by so many people.
Last week, I reviewed Championship Wrestling From Hollywood. In my review, I spoke very critically of the show’s lack of creativity and why it doesn’t get much hype. This week, the show was so bad that I decided to take another look at why this show doesn’t get much hype.
The show opened with Jonny Loquasto, Todd Kenely, and Dan Joseph talking about the lineup for the show. We’re in for a doozy.
Fidel Bravo & Pinx vs. The Rocknes Monsters (Johnny Yuma and Kevin Martenson)
The match started off with Fidel and Pinx working over Kevin Martenson for heat. Martenson, in predictable fashion, tagged in Yuma for the hot tag. He then proceeded to clean house. Only three people in the audience cared. After that, we got a commercial for Coastline Clash. I’ll talk about this later in the review, but I can’t believe this was actually considered a good idea to put out there in 2019. I’m sorry for the tease. Just use CTRL+F or Command+F (depending on what you use) and search “that goddamn commercial” to read my thoughts on it.
Back to this match. After Yuma was tagged in, it was his turn to play the face-in-peril. Nobody in the crowd cared because they just saw this schtick. That, and Yuma is awful. Seriously, the crowd was really dead for Yuma’s face-in-peril segment. Fidel and Pinx got some more offense in on Yuma. They’ve pretty much controlled most of the match at this point. Fidel and Pinx were good in this, but the effort they put into this match was all for naught because the crowd just didn’t care.
Yuma mounted a comeback and Martenson got the hot tag. The tag and Martenson’s offense got no reaction at all from the crowd. He wasn’t bad or anything. It’s just that they sat through two terrible heat segments and just saw a hot tag spot. Two heat segments and hot tag spots in one match is just ridiculous. This was really planned out very poorly. The Rocknes Monsters mounted a comeback and got a bunch of offense in, including some dives. At this point is when things got ridiculous.
After Martenson’s dive, some cheap static glitch effect appeared on the screen and the lights went out. Yuma and Martenson then appeared on the video screen doing their Vermin gimmick in a garage. Vermin Yuma and Martenson talked about how they looked and sounded exactly like the Rocknes Monsters and that nobody will trust them now. Yup. You read that right. That happened. I had to pause this for several moments because I had to process the stupidity I had just seen. That, and I couldn’t stop laughing at how idiotic this angle was.
As Martenson and Yuma were distracted, Fidel and Pinx tried to take advantage. Pinx pulled Yuma out of the ring, while Fidel tried to pin Martenson with a schoolboy. Martenson kicked out, and Yuma threw Pinx into a ring post. This led to the Rocknes Monsters hitting moves on Fidel for the win. Not only was that angle really stupid, but the booking made Fidel and Pinx look like total geeks. Everything about this sucked. I’ve written so much about this show, and it isn’t even twenty minutes long yet.
Ray Rosas w/ Jordan Clearwater vs. Dicky Mayer w/ Ty Matthews
There’s some type of angle going on with Jordan Clearwater, Ray Rosas, and Ty Matthews I guess. I and the casual viewing audience wouldn’t know because of how awful CWFH is at keeping their viewers informed on what’s going on with their characters. It was talked about on commentary, but the commentators sucked at being able to explain things. I haven’t seen Dicky since he returned from his latest stint in Japan. I’m very disappointed to see him paired with Ty Matthews. It’s like CWFH is rehashing Watts’ old gimmick with the Ty Matthews character.
When I saw Clearwater and Matthews come out, I knew they’d end up getting involved in the match. Unsurprisingly, they did just that. As Ray was climbing the ropes to deliver an elbow drop, Ty Matthews grabbed his foot. This led to Jordan Clearwater making the save. Ray still lost though after Dicky Mayer recovered and hit him with a German Suplex. Jordan Clearwater reacted with the most comical look on his face. He looked like Greg Pitts in the movie Office Space when his character was talking about showing the new girl from Logistics his “O-face.”
This wasn’t a bad match, but it was terribly booked. Dicky Mayer and Ray Rosas deserve better than this. Their match was completely overshadowed by the dumb story involving Ty Matthews and Jordan Clearwater.
After the match, that Coastline Clash commercial played again. I still can’t get over how dumb it is.
Kathy Campanelli interviewed Suede Thompson and Chris Bey at ringside after the commercial break. They cut a promo complaining about having to defend their titles against two teams. Jamie Iovine and Antonio Brown were mentioned, as well as the fake Marquez son. Do you know who wasn’t mentioned? The two teams they’re supposed to be facing. What a great way to build a title match by not even mentioning the names of the challengers. That, and having it being an afterthought to some manager being injured. No wonder this show gets no hype.
Adriel Noctis vs. Watts
Watts’ new gimmick is that he’s the “Squash God.” Probably because all of his matches in CWFH are squash matches since the creative team can’t come up with anything else for him to do. Adriel Noctis got some offense early in the match, but Watts mounted a comeback. Adriel Noctis got some offense again in the final moments before Watts put him away with a Chokebomb. Before he put Noctis away, Watts called for his music to be played.
This wasn’t very good. Nor was it much of a squash, as it felt way too competitive. The entire ‘Squash God” gimmick is also really stupid. If this were any other wrestling show, it’d be the stupidest thing on it. Sadly, this was only the fourth stupidest thing on this show, so far.
TO THE BACK
John Roberts interviewed Royce Isaacs. He asked Royce if he’s afraid of Bateman. Royce said Bateman was afraid of him. He also said there’s a “new talent initiative” going on. I see that CWFH’s creative team is now recycling WWE’s lame concepts from 10 years ago. Royce said Bateman will face someone Jamie Iovine and the fake Marquez son found.
Hollywood Heritage Championship Match: Andy Brown (c) vs. Dan Parker
No matter what, I’ll never be able to take Dan Parker seriously after his infamous “…dive” post. He’s every terrible cliche of every hack independent wrestler who can’t work a high-volume ring style. He works a lazy and boring style while relying on played-out garbage to get heat. For instance, he’s Canadian. He tries to use that to get heat. The problem is it isn’t 1997 anymore. Nobody cares about that stuff.
Before the match, Dan Parker cut a promo where he complimented Andy before trying to insult him. It was so bad. Dan started out by complimenting Andy’s fashion and wrestling skills. Then he tried to say Andy needs help with public speaking. The problem with this was Dan Parker wasn’t well-spoken himself. He even tripped over his line about Andy not being a good public speaker. Dan Parker then talked about how Americans are the stupidest people on the planet. Then, of course, he said he was great because he was Canadian. This is 2019 and CWFH’s creative team is producing this type of garbage? Really?
After the promo, Andy Brown attacked Dan Parker to start the match. He controlled things in the opening moments of the match before Dan Parker mounted a comeback. This led to Dan Parker working over Andy Brown’s shoulder before a commercial break. Following the commercial break, Dan Parker had a rest hold on Andy Brown as Howdy Price made his way to the ring. The commentators were wondering why he was coming out to ringside. Hmm, I’m guessing it was because his client, Rogelio (Che Cabrera), is facing Andy at Coastline Clash. How did I know this? Well, they were advertising it in the commercial that just played! God, this show is so stupid.
The antics and shenanigans during this match were lame. Dan Parker’s limb work was boring, and his character work flat out sucked. I seriously can’t believe this dude had the gall to criticize a style of wrestling that people actually like and yet puts on boring matches like this that appeal to nobody. Andy mounted a comeback, but the crowd didn’t seem to care for this match. The finishing stretch saw things go back-and-forth. Dan Parker kept trying to put him away with a Crippler Crossface, but Andy fought it off and got the win with a rolling Ace Crusher. While Andy Brown wasn’t bad, Dan Parker was about as entertaining as watching grass grow.
The show closed with Andy Brown in the ring with the belt. Yeah. That’s it. That’s how the show ended. On an episode full of mindless crap, it ended with something completely uneventful.
The Coastline Clash commercial.
Okay, so that goddamn commercial. During the show, there was a commercial for Coastline Clash on Monday, May 13th in Irvine, CA at the Irvine Improv. It’s really fitting that CWFH ran at a comedy club. I mean, they are a massive joke.
Anyways, Dave Marquez narrated this commercial. It was pretty simple and basic. As music played in the background, Dave went over the matches and wrestlers that would be appearing on the show. Matches that were being advertised were MJF vs. Willie Mack, Andy Brown vs. Rogelio (Che Cabrera), Royce Isaacs vs. Tyler Bateman, and Peter Avalon vs. David Arquette. Also appearing will be L.A. Park and Joey Ryan.
But that’s not all. The show will also feature, in Dave’s own words, “THE GIRLS!” Yeah. That is right. Dave just said, “THE GIRLS” would be at the show as a clip of Sarah Wolfe vs. Heather Monroe played. No female performers, even Sarah Wolfe and Heather Monroe who appeared on screen, was mentioned by name.
Look, I’m not one of these male feminists who believe “toxic masculinity” is ruining society and such. I also don’t go with the trendy mindset among fans that modern women’s wrestling is great and that every promotion running today should be required to feature women on their shows. Most of the time, I find modern female performers to be sloppy workers and that fans have lower standards for female performers.
With that said, I found it stupid that CWFH promoted their female performers simply as “THE GIRLS!” Now, I’m not going to sit here and demand women be featured more on this show. However, I do think that CWFH and Dave Marquez should promote their female performers with more respect rather than promoting them like nameless objects. If they’re not presented in a more serious manner, how is the audience supposed to take them seriously?
CWFH has always had a poor track record when it comes to how they present female wrestlers on the show. The show usually just throws on a match with women from time-to-time, but there are rarely any stories involving them. On top of that, they’ve gone years with no championship to compete for. It’s like the women booked on CWFH are like caged hamsters running in a wheel and going nowhere. Since the day this show started till now, women have basically been treated like sideshow acts on CWFH.
But the Coastline Clash commercial itself really makes CWFH look extremely clueless. Promoting women as just “THE GIRLS” does nothing but make the promotion and show look bad. The fact that this wasn’t thought as being a bad idea in 2019 is astounding as well. Nonetheless, it probably doesn’t really matter much anyways. Nobody watches this show. Nobody even cares about it either. When CWFH is doing shit like this, you can see why the wrestling world doesn’t pay attention to it.
Overall show thoughts and more reasons why this show gets no hype or attention from ANYONE!
From top-to-bottom, this was an awful show. The main event was utterly boring. That was mostly because Dan Parker is awful. The angle involving Howdy Price had the announcers coming off like idiots for not knowing why he was there. Watts’ match wasn’t interesting. His new gimmick is pretty dumb. Chris Bey and Suede Thompson’s promo was a massive failure and did nothing to build up their opponents who are challenging for their titles soon.
The other parts of the show that were awful really highlighted more of what’s wrong with the creative direction of CWFH and how their shows are booked.
Ray Rosas vs. Dicky Mayer was a match that should’ve been good. Instead, it was marred by bad, predictable booking. It ended up being a placeholder for an uninteresting story revolving around the character Ty Matthews. The character is portrayed by CWFH creative team member Tyler Davidson. I don’t know the man personally, nor do I know how much input he has in the show’s creative process. For all I know, he could be a solid dude who doesn’t want to be the center of attention.
With that said, knowing that he’s on the creative team for CWFH and seeing his character overshadowing the wrestlers makes me wonder if he tries to make himself the center of attention. Of course, that is just pure speculation on my part. I have no way of knowing whether that’s true or not. But it does follow a trend throughout the history of CWFH when it comes to its creative team making themselves the stars of the show. His character’s storyline was pretty much the focal point of the match with Ray and Dicky. I can understand trying to work an angle, but the way it was done at the expense of the match was pretty weak.
This brings me to the Rocknes Monsters angle.
For those who don’t know, CWFH booker Andrew Pulido portrays the character Yuma. In the past, his character has gotten pushed like a star (even though he’s not) and involved in angles that were more unique than ones involving other workers on the show. For instance, his character’s angle with Jarek 1:20 saw more production value and effort put into that than anything else on the show at the time. And now, it’s happening again with the garbage in this new angle involving Pulido’s character.
Even though this was a terrible angle, the problem isn’t just the quality. The problem is more effort and thought is always being put into stuff involving the creative team’s characters. Meanwhile, everyone else on the show gets overshadowed. As a performer, Pulido isn’t very good. He’s not prolific, his in-ring work is garbage, and he’s an extremely unlikable babyface. There are no upsides to this guy as a performer. And yet he’s always being pushed or showcased in top angles at the expense of more talented performers.
Watching CWFH is like watching a figurative circlejerk of mediocrity. I can’t help but feel bad for other performers on this show who are having their talents go to waste. A lot of them deserve to be showcased better on this show. Ray Rosas, Andy Brown, Adrian Quest, Brandon Cutler, Royce Isaacs, Dicky Mayer, Tyler Bateman, and Ryan Taylor just to name a few. There are also tons of tremendous workers in the area that could boost the show.
The potential to put together a great weekly program is there. Instead, CWFH’s terrible, self-centered booking that focuses on the characters portrayed by the creative team keeps it from being anything more than just a cheap program that a few small-market television stations air because it’s more affordable than getting the rights to air Everybody Hates Chris reruns.
But beyond the fact that CWFH has creative issues, the Rocknes Monsters angle was just flat out terrible and awful. It was so awful that I legitimately burst out laughing at it for several minutes. Tears were coming out of my eyes. It felt like the first time I had ever seen Birdemic: Shock & Terror. This angle was something that only could’ve come out the mind of someone who just went on a weeklong meth binge.
The absurdity of this angle was too much for me. Like, what are they trying to do with this? Are the Rocknes Monsters trying to fool people leading to a heel turn? Impersonators? Evil twins or alternate universe versions of them? Aliens? Deepfake videos? No matter how you look at it, this storyline with Yuma and Martenson is legitimate WrestleCrap material. I’ve seen a lot of stupid shit in my time. This has to rank in the Top 5 dumbest things I’ve ever seen in pro wrestling.
No matter what this show does, it’ll never get better with the current set of brains on the creative team. It’s a shame too, because so much could be accomplished with this show if it had smart people doing the booking and writing. There’s nothing more disappointing than thinking about all the potential this show has wasted.