On October 25, 2015, I was leaving Staples Center after attending WWE Hell In A Cell and walking east on Figueroa St. near Olympic Blvd when someone passing out flyers for a local event asked if I’d like one. I turned it down and the young man told me to have a goodnight. Turns out that flyer was for a show UEW was presenting on Halloween night. As I was walking to my car, I thought to myself, ”Man, maybe I was a dick to that guy back there.” That’s when I saw a crackhead taking a piss on some tree near the Hotel Figueroa.
This introduction has nothing to do with my review of UEW’s Sovereign Of Slaughter Deathmatch tournament, but I needed something weird and random so I don’t get stale. Now with that said, someone (not affiliated with UEW or any promotion for the record) asked me to review this event. I agreed. Some people might not know this, but I actually enjoy watching deathmatches because its fun to watch people do crazy and stupid shit for my entertainment. It’s even better when they bleed. So this show is going to be a huge treat for me, and hopefully a treat for those who are reading this review!
Now with that bullshit ass intro out of the way, I’m about to get on my Joey Diaz, gonna fuck these special cookies up, show you rookies what real dick slanging is, and drop knowledge on all y’all. Let’s get to the fucking deathmatches. Welcome to the Church Of What’s Happening Now mothafuckas!
Show starts with Kyle Wylde and Derick Zane coming out and talking about the tournament and hype stuff. There’s a lot of fucking cussing on this fucking show, so if you’re a fucking pussy fucking don’t fucking watch this fucking show or fucking read this fucking review. Fuck.
First Round Match: “Under The Crimson Sea” Fish Hooks Deathmatch: Michael Krueger vs. JD Horror (/w/Cult Fiction members Sage Sinn Supreme & BILLY FUCKING GRAM!!!!!!!!!!!!
First off, if you’re not familiar with the history of CZWFans.com or Ian Rotten circa 2008-2011, you’ll have no idea about why the Halfbreed Billy Gram (man, like a gram of dope) is a legend, pariah, and folk hero in various circles. But no matter where he goes, he leaves an impact. “KAW KAW, Ian” became a rallying cry and a long used meme in certain internet wrestling circles thanks to him. Oh yeah, and he’s also a manager that’s worked for promotions like Ian’s IWA-MS (which was never the same after Billy legitimately put a curse on Ian and his promotion) and CZW. Billy Gram’s greatest moment came when he called out Ian and put him on blast live on an internet podcast when Ian was a guest on the show.
To listen to Billy calling out Ian, skip to 1 hour & 25 minutes into this interview. Don’t listen to this shit at work or school. You’ve been fucking warned!
So yeah, the match. It was fucking nuts. It was a beach themed deathmatch with weapons having fish hooks and seashells on them along with lighttubes scattered around, sea salt, and a barbwire bat. Michael Krueger is a fat guy in a mask, trash bag pants, and a singlet like Eddie Kingston circa 2006, minus a Puerto Rican flag. There were several sick moments involving the fish hooks, including Krueger piercing JD Horror’s throat in the middle of the match and using a fishing pole on JD Horror, who was really entertaining in this and had a good performance. I fucking cringed at various points in the match and had to cover my eyes at some points. Billy Gram blew fire in Krueger’s face leading to Horror applying a Crossface Chickenwing for the victory. I can’t comment on the quality of the wrestling in this match, because this isn’t about wrestling. It’s about putting on a show. They put on a sick show that will appeal to deatmatch fans who are into these kinds of things. Some aren’t into the piercing craze that’s been going on in deathmatch wrestling, but if that’s what you like, you’ll enjoy this. But there’s also sick shit that doesn’t involve piercing shit that made this entertaining.
Post match shenanigans: Post match promo with Billy Gram talking shit and cutting a entertaining promo into the camera in front of the crowd. JD Horror is backstage and cuts a promo saying it’s time for the rest of the tournament participants to die. Yes! 2 DA DEF SON! After this we get shots of the weapons about to be used in the next match, which is something that’s done at the start of every match of this show which is a nice little touch.
First Round Match: “Shattered Screams” Lighttubes & Tables Deathmatch: Carnage vs. BC Killer (w/ Danny Monchichi Ramirez & some fat guy in a wheelchair)
This was Carnage’s return match to UEW. There was a boring opening exchange that got a “This Is Awesome” chant from four people. Both guys hit each other with tubs and used various things to carve open their opponent’s head. The fans were also chanting for Andre Verdun and Kyle Wylde plays up some social media beef between him and Carnage. This match wasn’t as exciting as the first. There are some cool spots, but overall it was hard to get interested in this. The finish came when Carnage tried to set a table with lighttubes on top on fire, only to be slammed into them by BC Killer. The problem with this spot was that the fire was weak and practically out by the time Carnage went through the table, which hurt the finish of the match. Nevertheless, I still enjoyed seeing grown men doing stupid shit to try and entertain me.
Post match shenanigans: Carnage is backstage and cuts a promo. The word fuck is used a lot here. Someone should make an official UEW Drinking Game where you take a shot anytime someone says the word “fuck” during the show. You’ll probably die of alcohol poisoning after the first match, but I imagine it’d be a fun thing to do for all of you out there who enjoy destroying your livers and kidneys by drinking that shit. Plus if you die, it just means one less strain on our environment. That would be a good thing too, as we already have too many fucking people on this planet.
First Round Match: “O’ Blood Night” Christmas Deathmatch: Homeless Jimmy vs. Masada (w/ BILLY FUCKING GRAM! * Sage Sin Supreme)
The theme of this match is a bunch of Christmas themed weapons set up inside the ring. You probably get the gist of it. This match was Homeless Jimmy’s 20th Anniversary match. The fans would keep reminding us of this by chanting “20 years” in monotone voices. They sound like low-functioning zombies. Masada gets shit on by some of the fans in the crowd and are behind Jimmy. Billy Fucking Gram gets on the mic and shits on those fans in a tremendous fashion as Masada gets in the face of a fan at ringside. For some reason there was a “UEW” chant after Jimmy clotheslined Masada over the top rope to the outside. It wasn’t anything cool, just a normal spot. That was weird. They brawl on the outside while using Jimmy’s shopping cart and the weapons inside. At one point Jimmy got hip tossed onto a bunch of chairs and did a dive off the bleachers onto Masada and the chairs. They go back into the ring and use the Christmas themed weapons, along with shit like cinder blocks, a thumbtack hockey stick and other plunder. They stabbed each other with wooden skewers. Naw dude, I’m not joking. They were stabbing each other with shit in the ring. Jimmy took a vicious suplex bump from the ring onto the outside with a bunch of chairs setup below. Later he was powerbombed onto a flaming Christmas wreath onto of a cinder block. The fans kept calling Masada a bitch and were all over him during the match. Masada won. The piercing/stabbing shit was gross and the fans trying too hard to shit on Masada was annoying, but besides that I really enjoyed this match. This shit was fun man.
Post match shenanigans: There was a storyline where Jimmy talked shit on Cult Fiction, so Billy and Masada beat Jimmy down for it and put a Cult Fiction shirt on him. Billy and Masada talk mad shit to some fans who were riding them the entire match. After they leave, Jimmy gets back up and the fans chant “20 years” and “Thank You Jimmy” as he leaves the ring. Backstage, Masada and Billy Gram fucking cut a fucking promo. Billy is fucking amazing as a promo guy. He brings in JD Horror, who is also in Cult Fiction, and talks about how they’re gonna dominate the tournament, wouldn’t fight each other in the tournament because he feels the fans don’t deserve one and begins to trash the fans. The UEW Drinking Game would claim another life with this promo. I’d like to see him and Gary Yap have a promo war. That shit would be amazing. I’d also like to see Billy on the SCU board to trash Marvin. The ring crew is shown setting up glass shower doors and other weapons for the next match.
First Round Match: 4 Corners Of Pain Deathmatch: Corporal Robinson vs. Max X
Story of this match was that Max X won a tournament and used that to gain an entry into this match. A few fans were chanting “Fuck This Guy” before Corporal Robinson made his entrance and throughout the match. Max threw some shitty looking kicks to start the match, and Corp flew into a pane of glass for the first spot of the match. Max put a barbwire cross on his head as if he were Jesus and headbutted Corp, who ended up laying him out with a vicious chairshot. A crucified joke would be too easy to make here. Max got powerbombed onto a wooden barbwire net contraption outside of the ring and for some reason I started laughing at that. At one point he does a shitty looking Kimura lock, but that resulted in him getting put through a glass door setup in the corner by Corp, so I forgive him for that. This kid is fucking nuts as he takes a shitload of bumps in this. Corp seriously fucked his shit up. Deathmatches aren’t about having the most technical matches, but the best ones usually feature sick, crazy, innovative bumps, or are the result of a long standing feud with psychology behind it. This match was crazy and well worked, and was the best match of the first round. Shit was fucking crazy man.
Post match shenanigans: Corp won’t let go of the submission hold he used to win the match. Referees and officials came out to try and break the hold until Andre Verdun came out and tried to attack Corp for fucking with his student. Kyle Wylde mentions on commentary that Corp wants to take out people close to UEW. Andre calls out Corp and makes a challenge to him. I like how they’re giving various matches stories behind them. It gives the tournament more substance than just random dudes having deathmatches. Corp is backstage and places the blame on Andre for what happened, that he’s gonna destroy shit, and blames Andre for allowing Max X to get hurt in the tournament. Andre interrupts the promo trying to fight Corp but is held back. Max X is backstage and cuts a promo. He hit his head on a wall during this. He didn’t need to do that to himself, that’s just going to give him brain damage later in life. After that, we see the weapons for the next match.
Semi-Final Match: Beds Of Broken Glass & 4 Corners Of Barbed Wire Deathmatch: JD Horror (w/ Billy “The Boss” Gram & Sage Sin Supreme) vs. BC Killer (w/ Danny Monchichi Ramirez & that fat guy in a wheelchair)
Right off the bat, I have to admit that I love BC Killer’s entrance music.
There were wooden boards wrapped in barbwire in the corners and beds of broken glass inside the ring. There was also an aluminium baseball bat wrapped in barbwire. This match had a slower pace to it. They threw each other into the boards of barbwire and used the glass, but there really wasn’t much to this match. JD Horror got the win after wrapping his arm with barbwire and hitting BC Killer with a lariat. There’s really not much to say about this.
Post match shenanigans: BC Killer argues with the referees saying he kicked out. JD Horror tried to shake his hands, but BC Killer pushed him and we got a pull apart brawl. Billy Gram mocks BC Killer and continues to be great. Backstage, Billy Gram and JD Horror cut a promo. Billy asks JD why he offered a handshake with BC Killer, and then the tournament, saying that no matter what, the tournament championship will be taken back to the Cult Fiction Compound.
Semi-Final Match: Cinder Block & Taipei Deathmatch: Corporal Robinson vs. Masada (w/ Mr. William Gram & Sage Sin Supreme
The fans were chanting “earn your shit” and “earn those colors” before the match started at Corporal Robison, who got on the mic and shit on the people chanting dumb shit at him. It’s a Taipei Deathmatch, so they have glass glued to their write tape. They started off brawling in and out of the ring, where Masada suplexed Corporal Robinson into a section of empty chairs. When they went back into the ring, they destroyed each other by throwing and suplexing each other onto cinder blocks. After awhile the fans started chanting for Corp. Billy Gram setup a glass door atop some cinder blocks and dosed it in lighter fluid to try and set up a powerbomb for Masada. Corp reversed it, set the glass on fire, and put Masada through the flaming glass with a sidewalk slam. The brilliant staff at ringside used a bucket of water to try and put the fire out instead of a fire extinguisher. BC Killer, Michael Krueger, and some guy named The Insaniac attack both guys until Corp and Masada fight both guys off. The fat guy in the wheelchair got out of his wheelchair and hit Billy Gram with a lighttube. Corp ended up hitting Masada with a punch to knock him out for the win. The idiots who were chanting “prove yourself” were chanting “you just proved it” at Corp. Ok. This was a fun match up until the run in.
Post match shenanigans: Corp stares down the Resistance and flips them off. Masada is helped to the back and the fans chant “Corp’s Underground” after winning over the four fans who hated him before this. In the parking lot, Billy Gram is talking to Cult Fiction and talks about coming to SoCal to step things up, take things to the next level, taking UEW to a tournament in Wisconsin, and references the infamous Juggalo Julez while trashing Juggalos. Best promo ever. Corporal Robison cuts a promo after saying he’s going to hurt everyone around Billy Gram.
Non-Tournament: Deathmatch for the UEW Eastern Pacific Championship: Mike Rayne (c) vs. Fern Owens
This is just a “normal” deathmatch. No theme or anything, just a bunch of weapons. As Fern Owens was making his way to the ring, he got in the face of a fan. The fan ended up slapping Fern in the face several times. That was pretty dumb. They do a boring opening sequence where they try to do technical wrestling, but it looked terrible and was boring. Eventually they start doing spots with the weapons. They do a lot of unsafe looking spots that looked like someone could’ve gotten seriously fucked up. Fern did a stupid spot where he dived off a ladder onto Mike Rayne who was on a bunch of chairs in a position where he could’ve been seriously fucked up because of Fern’s lack of knowledge of simple physics and human anatomy. Rayne has this ridiculous looking piledriver finish where it’s half Packpage Piledriver, half Pumphandle Slam, but all dangerous. Rayne hit his finisher on Fern very sloppily off the ring apron and through a table that had a barbwire ladder on top of it with thumbtacks spread around for the win. This was pretty bad. I felt like I was watching a backyard wrestling match here. No real psychology, and everything looked bad.
Post match shenanigans: Both guys shake hands and share a moment of mutual admiration. Backstage, Fern Owens and his manager cut a promo. It’s pretty lame. Mike Rayne talks. It’s your generic indy wrestler promo. After that, footage of the ring being setup for the finals is shown along with the weapons that will be used.
Sovereign Of Slaughter Finals – No Rope, Barbwire Deathmatch: Corporal Robinson vs. JD Horror (w/ Billy Godfuckingdamn Gram & Sage Sin Supreme)
The match starts off with JD Horror smashing Corporal Robinson with lighttube after lighttube, until Corp suplexed him onto lighttubes wrapped in barbwire to gain some control. They go back-and-forth hitting moves on each other into weapons. Corp used a weed-whacker that JD Horror brought to the ring with him. The match was pretty slow and Corp got the win to the disapproval of the fans. Not exactly an exciting match to end to the tournament, which was solid overall. Pretty disappointing finals match when compared to the other matches in the tournament.
Post match shenanigans: Corporal Robinson grabs Sage Sin Supreme while Cult Fiction was distracted and gave her a Russian Leg Sweep onto lighttubes despite D’Marco Wilson trying to make the save. Andre Verdun hits the ring to make the save and destroys the tournament trophy with a giant hammer after declaring war on Corporal Robinson. Corp cuts a promo backstage. After that, Andre Verdun cuts a promo and challenges Corp to a fight to end the show.
Final Thoughts: This was a fun tournament. The first round was a lot of fun, and the Corporal Robinson vs. Max X was the best match of the first round and the entire tournament. The non-tournament match was the only really shitty match of the night, and the fans were pretty annoying throughout the show.
While this show isn’t going to be full of classic matches, or even decent matches for that matter, it’s an entertaining way to kill time. It’s just a few hours of brainless fun. Being able to watch grown men making bad choices makes for a good time. I know people look down on deathmatches, but I really enjoyed the entertainment value this show provided. Billy Gram was the star of the show and shined with his promos. But I do have to say that given the amount of blood that’s being shed on these shows, I really hope the UEW brass is smart enough to have their workers take blood tests before booking them in deathmatches. They’re not expensive or difficult to do, and would go a long way in keeping their workers safe. With that said, check this shit out if you’re a deathmatch fan.
UEW’s Sovereign of Slaughter is available on Vimeo.com and on the Vimeo app.
