Kaiju Big Battel’s Twitch Plays Kaiju Review

Kaiju Big Battel presented Twitch Plays Kaiju at Twitchcon at the Long Beach Convention Center last night. Click for the review.

Click here to watch Twitch Plays Kaiju

Kaiju Big Battel returned to Southern California as part of Twitchcon in Long Beach. People who had tickets to Twitchcon were able to get into the show. For people unaware of what Kaiju Big Battel is, it is a live action comedy wrestling  show that features matches with wrestlers dressed as various monsters. To fully understand what it is, check out this video.

Glitch Slam

Before the actual show, there was a video game competition called  Glitch Slam inside the ring with various Twitch streamers playing WWE 2K18 with Kevin Gill on commentary.

This was a really terrible segment. During the match, a bunch of people ran in to try and distract people, including a bunch of guys dressed like Hulk Hogan. I’m not into watching play video games, but what I hated was the unfunny shenanigans and Kevin Gill’s commentary. After the match, some guy came to ringside and stole the console the streamers were playing on. Dr. Cube then came out with his minions and cut a promo. One of the minions appeared to be “Dirty” Ron McDonald. After that there was a few pre-taped sketches mostly featuring Dr. Cube. Clips from various Kaiju shows were slipped in from time to time.

The actual Kaiju Big Battel show didn’t start until 5:50PM. Mario Bueno and Kevin Gill were in the ring to open the show. Bueno asked the fans in attendance how many of them were first time Kaiju attendees. The crowd ended up being made up of a lot of first time attendees. Derano came out during the opening segment and destroyed the city inside the ring.

Derano w/ Tikirilla vs. Power Ranjuru

Power Ranjuru came out to save the city from Derano’s destruction. Tikirilla came out to help Derano in the middle of the match. Derano hit a Powerbomb on Power Ranjuru through a building. Eventually Power Ranjuru came back and hit a Superplex onto a bunch of buildings to get the win.

Super Smash Battel Fighto: Yarsminko vs. Dusto Bunny

Yarsminko, a giant bug from space, began kicking buildings when he got into the ring. Dusto Bunny is a giant bunny covered in dust. There were boxes with question marks on them with weapons inside in the ring city. Weapons included a Green Shell, a Donkey Kong Hammer, a Powerglove, a Golden Gun, and a Cell Phone that Dusto used to “Phone A Friend” that was inside an arcade cabinet next to the entrance way. It ended up being Sunbuster. He ended up putting Yarsminko on pause before hitting him with a front roll into a DDT. Dusto Bunny then humped Yarsminko. Yarsminko used a Golden Gun from Goldeneye 64 to kill Dusto Bunny. This wouldn’t work, as Dusto Bunny came back to life because he used the Konami Code before getting shot and got the win.

Kaiju Big Battel Hashtag Trending Title Match: Tucor vs. Unicorn Party

Tucor is an evil Toucan bird. Unicorn Party is a partying Unicorn and is the holder of multiple titles, including the Arm Wrestling Championship. Unicorn Party hit a tumbleweed senton to the outside at one point int he match, and the fans chanted “Holy Shit.” Unicorn Party got a fan to hit Tucor with a building, killing many innocent people.The fans then chanted “This Is Awesome” as the match went around the venue. The match eventually went back into the ring after some crown brawling. Unicorn Party hit Tucor with a Frankensteiner off the top rope, and followed up with a Horn Headbutt to win the Hashtag Trending Title Champion. This was the best “match” on the show.

Sea World Order (Sku’illra & D.W. Cycloptopuss III) vs. The Bodega Boys (Kung Fu Chicken Noodle & Silver Potato)

The Sea World Order are sea creatures. Kung Fu Chicken Noodle is a can of noodles that trains in Kung Fu. Silver Potato is a potato in aluminum foil. The Bodega Boys brought in a bunch of pizza boxes and made a table out of it. They ended up sharing slices of pizza before hitting a vicious 3D through the pizza box table on Sku’illra to get the win.

After the match, American Beetle entered through the crowd and cut a promo in Spanish. He then called out Dr. Cube. Dr. Cube came out and responded to Beetle despite not knowing Spanish. He pretended like he was going to answer Beetle’s challenge. He then said Beetle will be facing Erebus.

Needs A Gimmick Fighto: The American Beetle vs. Erebus

Before the match. both workers had to race to a sign that had a gimmick on it and give it to a referee. The choices were a Generic Building Bloc Match, an Arm Wrestling Match, a Blindfold Electric Eel Match, and a Poison Bananas Match. Beetle grabbed the Arm Wrestling Match sign, but Erebus prevented him from getting it to the referee. Erebus then got a Blindfolded Electric Eel Match sign and took the long way to give it to the ref. The cards would get switched after American Beetle hit a rolling senton off the ring apron, causing Erebus to get the wrong card. This resulted in an Arm Wrestling match being the gimmick to the dismay of Dr. Cube and Erebus.

Arm Wrestling Match: The American Beetle vs. Erebus

The gimmick of the match was that in order to win, you had to pin the arm of your opponent. Beetle hit several German Suplexes on Erebus onto several buildings. When will the destruction end? Dr. Cube helped set up a bunch of destroyed buildings in the corner for Erebus. This would backfire as Beetle hit a running Death Valley Driver into the buildings in the corner on the turnbuckles. Beetle got the win with a Frog Splash off the top rope. What a triumphant day in American history this was.

Post match shenanigans.

Beetle got on the mic and said he’s going to get his hands on Dr. Cube in Somerville, Massachusetts.

A video with a puppet Louden Noxious, the Kaiju commissioner, was played. He then presents the first annual Twitch-continental Championship match. The puppet said the fans will get to choose the competitors and control the entire match. I like the puppet more than the real Louden Noxious.

After that, Mario Bueno announced that it was time for the “Shirt of Shirtting.” It never happened because Dr. Cube stole the shirt. What a jerk. Dr. Cube then cut a promo and brought out Hell Monkey for the Twitch-continental Championship match. His opponent would be Burger Bear.

Kaiju Big Battel Twitch-continental Championship Match: Hell Monkey w/ Dr. Cube and his posse vs. Burger Bear w/ the Bear Ranger

Burger Bear is a a Bear/Hamburger, and was accompanied to the ring by a Power Ranger bear. Hell Monkey was an evil red monkey. This was a turn-based match with “users” requesting moves. John Carnage ended up controlling the entire match and requested moves. One “user” requested a Suicide Dive as one of the first moves. The next one was a Spinning Toe Hold. Burger Bear ended up winning with a Burger-To-Belly.

Post match shenanigans

Dr. Cube got on the mic and said there was a plot twist. He presented the announcer with a Groupon deal for a 2 for 1 special.

Kaiju Big Battel Twitch-continental Championship – 2 For 1 Groupon Match: Dr. Cube & His Posse vs. Burger Bear & Bear Ranger

The evil Dr. Cube and his minions attacked Burger Bear and the Beat Ranger. Burger Bear was put through several buildings. Bear Ranger got on the phone from the Super Smash Fighto and summoned the arcade machine again. This time inside the arcade cabinet was Metal Wing Black. He came in and cleared the ring to help the bears get back into things for awhile. As the match went on, the Bear Ranger unmasked Dr. Cube, revealing the hideous mess that was his face. Bear Ranger made a comeback and hit some spots. The finish saw Burger Bear hit Hell Monkey with a super Belly-To-Belly to become the first ever Twitch-continental Champion.

Final Thoughts

Let me get the negative out of the way first: Kevin Gill. This guy is the worst commentator in the wrestling business. He’s also very unlikable. Thankfully he wasn’t talking much on this show, as Mario Bueno carried things. Bueno was really great in his role. He did a good job at calling the action, selling the comedy, and educating the audience on the stories and character backgrounds of the monsters.

The show itself wasn’t a great wrestling show, but it’s not meant to be. Kaiju Big Battel is meant to be an entertaining comedy experience, and it did a great job at that with this show. The fans in attendance added to the show too, which made for a fun atmosphere. Kaiju Big Battel is a really fun entity that people should try to check out. I really hope they return to Southern California for a show. They held a show here many years ago, but it was during a time when wrestling wasn’t as hot as it is now. Kaiju Big Battel is also expected to be streaming events on Twitch, which is pretty cool.

If you have some time to kill, check out Twitch Plays Kaiju. It’s well worth a watch if you’re looking for something fun to enjoy. They’ll also be releasing a video game, Kaiju Big Battle: Fighto Fantasy. Check out the trailer for the game below.

About the Author

SoCal's favorite son. Won 1st Place in my division at the 2013 Gracie Worlds. 2019 East San Fernando Valley Water Champion. Keyboard Warrior.