These reviews although entertaining for some, are not what I was hoping for when Andrew volunteered to review CWFH Television. In my opinion, the personal nature of the attacks take away from the true critique that I was initially hoping for. In retrospect, these articles should have never been published. However in the spirit of being Uncensored, they will remain on the site. – Jay
While Jay Cal might claim that what I say in my reviews are “personal attacks” and such, they simply are not. Anyone who feels that way is reading into things too deeply. While he may be the E.I.C. here on SCU and can dictate what does and doesn’t belong on the site, he shouldn’t be incorrectly telling you, the reader, what the intent of my comments and reviews were. It should also be noted that Jay Cal is friends with people inside Championship Wrestling From Hollywood and some of the workers on these shows. In the spirit of being Uncensored, you, the reader, deserve to know the truth instead of having someone slandering my writings to influence your opinions. – Andrew
Hey fuckos, Andrew Karate here with another Championship Wrestling From Hollywood review. Today I ripoff a schtick by a comedian from 10 years ago in my introduction to demonstrate how fucking terrible this company is at getting workers over and creating stars. SCIENCE! Stay tuned as my mind continues to descent into madness because of how fucking terrible this show is.
The show opens with ToasterDork interviewing Big Duke. Duke makes fun of Eli Drake’s gimmick and gets his catchphrase in. They’re in a match coming up next. Why this show books a match between two guys in a fledgling rivalry in the opener without really hyping it properly is beyond me. Is that supposed to be “fringe” or something? Awful booking that makes no sense? I guarantee this match does no favors for either guy.
Eli Drake vs. Big Duke
The annoying old white guy and his friend aren’t holding shitty notebook paper signs again this week. Instead the signs are held by two fans sitting in their seats. Every Pro-Lifer’s worst nightmare, Stu “How did he survive being left in the dumpster on prom night?” Stone and the two dorks on commentary are terribly unfunny. So this match happened. Lots of basic shit. Punches, brawling, CROWD WORK, rest holds, and more punches. The only real cool thing in this was some powerslam delivered by Eli Drake onto Big Duke that looked pretty vicious. Sadly, the fetus decided to make a joke about it instead of selling the fact that Big Duke nearly died just now but is still in the match. Little things like that go a long way in getting workers and characters over, but whoever the fuck is letting these idiots call this show doesn’t know what they’re doing which is why these shows draw 20 people in Oxnard, even though they’re fucking free!
So Eli controlled things until he missed a a top rope elbow drop when Duke moved out of the way after doing too much CROWD WORK. Duke has a comeback for a bit until Eli Drake hit an Air Raid Crash on him. Duke kicked out and got brief a comeback before Eli pinned him clean. So basically, Big Duke, the babyface who could use a rub, won by fluke against Eli Drake, the heel who is an established guy in a larger promotion, and later lost to him cleanly in a poorly built feud. There’s no coming back from this for Duke now really. Instead of doing something that would’ve gotten him more over in the eyes of people, he lost in the opener of some random episode of this shit show. No wonder this show can’t bring in people to their tapings. The only decent thing about this was that it got a decent amount of time.
R.I.P. Big Duke
We go backstage with ToasterDork who is interviewing Rocky Romero. The Dork asks Rocky Romero when he’s going to challenge for a title. Rocky cuts a decent promo, but the boring setting and ToasterDork brings this down and doesn’t help put over what Rocky’s trying to get across. Seriously, it doesn’t take much effort to produce something cool or entertaining. They also don’t really mention Rocky’s match against Watts. Fucking wonderful booking here. Joey Karate videos did more to put over a fictional martial artist played by comedian Joey Diaz than these fucking momos at CWFH are doing with their roster.
Now we’re back with the Dork, who is with Jervis Cottonbelly. He says Dave Marquez’s fake son wants to destroy Vermin and has put together a team to do it. He’s got a comedy character who got knocked out by a member of Vermin the previous episode when he got kicked in the head by Ryan Taylor. Yeah, if pro wrestling were real, you’re totally not going to destroy the top heel faction in this company like that. Also on his team, Los Primos Rivera, who fucking walked out on a title match last time they were on TV. JR Kratos is also on the team. Danny Limelight and his partner Gino, who looks like a vulture this week, do a shitty Craig & Smokey from “Friday” impression. The team teases having tension. Oh boy, obvious foreshadowing that will only lead to a predictable finish.
Eric Watts (w/ Ty Matthews) vs. Rocky Romero
The notebook paper sign plants have pro-Rocky signs. Rocky Romero comes out with the PP3 Cup, who beat Eric Watts in the tournament making this an unnecessary rematch. Match starts off with Rocky going after Watts with a bunch of strikes and trying to target Watts’ leg. Rocky did a tope onto Watts and his manager. Watts ends up controlling things for a bit. The fetus makes a shitty joke about Rocky Romero’s ability to speak English. I have no problem with politically incorrect humor, but for fuck’s sake at least be funny when doing so. Rocky makes a comeback on Watts and eventually gets him in an ankle lock, until Watts’ manager slid the PP3 Cup in the ring and distracted the referee so Watts could hit Rocky with it. Watts wins. This was a decent TV match, but the shitty commentary killed it. I also feel like this match will lead to a poorly booked feud that ends in three weeks in a shitty way.
We go backstage now with the dork again. He interviews Dan Joseph. He cuts a shitty promo, and Troy McGuire comes in. He swoons over Dan. This shit was terrible. I could watch Joey Karate videos all day and want to see that character fight more than I want to see any of the bullshit on this show. I miss Cathy Kelley.
Troy McGuire comes out to the ring with a mic. He does the lame heel manager doing ring announcing for his client schtick, and even drops the “twisted steel and sex appeal” line. This act sucks so much.
Dan Joseph (w/ Troy McGuire) vs. Jorel Nelson
Lots of basic heel bullshit from Dan Joseph. Jorel Nelson had a decent showing in this, but the match overall wasn’t that good or interesting. Dan Joseph’s finisher is a Belly-To-Belly suplex. That might be the lamest finishing move in wrestling next to John Cena’s. Thankfully not much time is spent on those two after the match. Their act is fucking terrible. Like, it is just really fucking awful. Dave Marquez needs to cut those guys.
Backstage with the Dork, who is interviewing Vermin. Joey Ryan made a dick pun. They kept things short and simple. It wasn’t bad. The Dork says this match is happening later tonight. Actually, the match is happening next. Great editing there!
Vermin (Joey Ryan, Ryan Taylor, Kevin Martenson, Tito Escondido) vs. Jervis Cottonbelly, JR Kratos, & Los Primos Rivera (Danny Limelight & Gino)
One of the plants in the crowd has a notebook paper sign with one of Chris Jericho’s catchphrases. Vermin, the heels, got a better reaction from the crowd than the team that’s supposed to the babyface team that has two heels in it as representatives of this company. JR Kratos overpowered Joey Ryan, Ryan Taylor, and Kevin Martenson. When he went up against Tito, he would end up getting jumped, leading to everyone in the match jumping in the ring and brawling until the Puerto Ricans did some sloppy double team moves to clear the ring. They do a dive sequence before going to commercial.
After commercial, Tito and Danny Limelight had a fun little sequence in the ring. Vermin beat down Limelight until he got a hot tag on JR Kratos. Eventually he has a showdown with Tito, which results in them brawling all over the ring and eventually brawl backstage and leave the match. After that, the Puerto Ricans bailed on Jervis Cottonbelly as he was looking for a hot tag. Even Ryan Taylor was confused by the retardedness of this booking. The Puerto Ricans let Vermin killed Cottonbelly, and the fetus makes more awful puns along the way. After the match they beat down Jervis and celebrate. Show ends.
This show really fucking sucks. The Eli Drake vs. Big Duke feud and match was a waste, and it did no favors for either guy. What does a former champion and current TNA star in Eli get in going over clean on a lower-profile guy like Duke in a throwaway TV match? Sure, it got a decent amount of time, but this wasn’t the type of match you book for two guys in a feud, and it isn’t the way you book a guy in a position like Duke when your promotion is supposed to be creating stars. Whatever is being built up between Rocky Romero and Eric Watts doesn’t seem promising, as this show’s creative direction sucks. Dan Joseph and Troy McGuire make me cringe. They don’t belong on TV. The booking of the main event was stupid too. Outside of a few matches between Tito an Kratos, nothing worth while came from it. The booking on this show just sucks, I can’t emphasize that enough. It is fucking garbage. And the commentary is even more atrocious.
Tune in next week as Wally George clips make their return to the reviews!