These reviews although entertaining for some, are not what I was hoping for when Andrew volunteered to review CWFH Television. In my opinion, the personal nature of the attacks take away from the true critique that I was initially hoping for. In retrospect, these articles should have never been published. However in the spirit of being Uncensored, they will remain on the site. – Jay
While Jay Cal might claim that what I say in my reviews are “personal attacks” and such, they simply are not. Anyone who feels that way is reading into things too deeply. While he may be the E.I.C. here on SCU and can dictate what does and doesn’t belong on the site, he shouldn’t be incorrectly telling you, the reader, what the intent of my comments and reviews were. It should also be noted that Jay Cal is friends with people inside Championship Wrestling From Hollywood and some of the workers on these shows. In the spirit of being Uncensored, you, the reader, deserve to know the truth instead of having someone slandering my writings to influence your opinions by twisting other people’s words. – Andrew
Many moons ago, there was a show called NWA Championship Wrestling From Hollywood that was reviewed by a wonderful writer named Andrew. His reviews were beloved by many in the offices of NWA Hollywood. Now we fast forward to 2016. The NWA name is gone, but the show remains the same. Championship Wrestling From Hollywood is no longer that company putting on bad TV shows in front of a bunch of empty seats in Orange County and some old movie theatre in Hollywood. Instead they’re now that company putting on bad TV shows in some other half-empty movie theatre, except somewhere near Oxnard now. Has this show gotten better, or is it still the same old wannabe 80’s suckfest it was when it first came on the air? Let’s find out! Oh yeah, ZANDIG PROMOS!
Championship Wrestling From Hollywood: Episode 243
This episode starts off with Cathy Kelley interviewing the fake Russian Brandon aka Sasha Darevko. He’s always begging me to review his bullshit. Careful what you wish for, pal. Brandon tries to insult Cathy Kelley in his shitty fake Russian accent by implying she gained weight, wasn’t going to the gym, and says Americans are fat. Ironic since Brandon has visible stretch marks that can easily be seen on my 55” TV. His muffin top looks like a road map. Anyways, his promo sucked. Not even a minute into this show and it already sucks ass. The updated intro is nice though, I will say that.
PP3 Cup Qualifying Match: Kevin Martenson vs. Joey Ryan
This is a tournament match in the Percy Pringle The 3rd Cup. Both these guys are members of the same stable, Vermin. The San Gabriel Valley’s own Joey Ryan and Kevin Martenson (who use to be Johnny Goodtime) do antics. After awhile they get serious. This match really wasn’t that good. The action looked clumsy and awkward for most of the match. it seriously seemed like neither guy was on the same page. Joey did a really shitty looking Kimura from half guard in this and I’m very disgusted by it. I’ve noticed that pro wrestlers are really terrible at trying to make Jiu-Jitsu techniques look good in wrestling matches. This match really wasn’t good and the story was lame. Both guys can do better, but at the same time I wouldn’t blame them if they didn’t try their hardest in this match. I wouldn’t either if I was wrestling in front of 20 people in Oxnard. Get them paychecks boys!
Backstage we have James Morgan cutting a generic babyface promo. He’s gonna be the best TV champion eva baybay! He ain’t no Zandig, man.
PP3 Cup Qualifying Match: Jarek 1:20 vs. Eli Drake
So Eli Drake use to be Shaun Ricker. What the fuck is with all the name changes in this place? Jarek 1:20 has a weirdo gimmick. What the fuck does “1:20” mean? This was a basic, boring “TV-style” match. Eli Drake won. This shit went like 4 minutes or something but it felt longer.
Post match shenanigans: Eli Drake is interviewed by a dork at ringside. Cuts a generic promo. This show is so bland and boring. The entrance set looks nice.
Classic Connection (Levi Shapiro & Buddy Royal) vs. Jared Vargas & Alexander Bernard
Right off the bat, I can’t stand the Classic Connection’s gimmick. For fuck’s sake, the throwback shit needs to die already. This was going to be an obvious squash as Jared Vargas & Alexander Bernard didn’t get an entrance. They got the old “obvious losers already in the ring” introduction while their opponents got an entrance. Even the commentators buried Jared Vargas & Alexander Bernard during the match. The Classic Connection wrestle like typical boring “old school workers” do. This match sucked.
PP3 Cup Qualifying Match: Sasha Darevko vs. Mike Camden
So as the last match was ending and the show went to commercial, the announcers said we were going to see Cedric King vs. Eric Watts next. Instead we get Brandon a.k.a. Sasha Darevko vs. Mike Camden. As I mentioned earlier, Brandon always begs me to review his shit. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Mike Camden needs to become more than just a generic babyface. Like the guy comes out and is just some guy. I’m not saying he should get a stupid ass, played-out gimmick like Brandon’s fake-Russian schtick (I bet that motherfucker has never done Sambo in his life). Also, whoever the “heel” commentator who said Camden looked like a gas station clerk was a fucking idiot since he buried a talent on the show the fans are supposed to get behind. Burying talent is my job, asshole. This match was boring. Brandon sucks. The way he worked over the leg of Camden looked like utter shit and his heel work was so lame. Zero fucks given.
Backstage; Cathy Kelley is with Peter Avalon and they talk about his match with Brian Myers. Peter cut a generic promo about “respect.”
CWFH Hollywood Heritage Championship Match: Peter Avalon (c) vs. Brian Myers
They did an angle where Brian Myers attacked Peter Avalon on a previous episode to build this match. Myers use to be known as Curt Hawkins in WWE during a time I wasn’t watching WWE so I have no idea who he is. This is another generic TV-style match as Myers slows the pace down and uses cheap tactics since he’s the heel, with Avalon making comebacks. Whoever was editing/directing this episode decided it was a good idea to go to commercial as soon as Peter was making his comeback. That was fucking stupid of them! So Myers controls the match a bit after commercial, and we don’t know what happened. Stupid. The match is slow, Myers talks a bit, and there was very little heat. Peter does a comeback before the finishing sequence where he hit his finisher for the win. After the match, Peter celebrates and the dorks on commentary close this shit episode.
Championship Wrestling From Hollywood: Episode 244
This episode starts off with a backstage dork who isn’t Cathy Kelley hyping a tag match and interviewing Classic Connection. They cut a stupid promo. They call Los Primos Rivera “J-Lo backup dancers” and refer to Tag Game Strong as Tag Game Weak. These guys are fucking lame. Tag Game Strong interrupt the promo and all four guys do some bad acting where they pretend they want to fight each other. This episode is already off to a rough start.
PP3 Cup Quarter-Final Match: Rocky Romero vs. James Morgan
I was looking forward to this match seeing as it has Rocky Romero in it. Romero worked over James Morgan’s arm for the opening part of the match, and when Morgan got on offense he forgot to sell Romero’s arm work. Nice. Rocky held the match together and got the victory in a quick opener. Rocky was solid in this performance, while Morgan hurt the match by forgetting to sell the arm work of Rocky. The heel commentator named Troy is really fucking annoying. Fuck that guy.
Awful promos time! A bunch of guys in the PP3 Cup cut promos. Everybody sucked here. They should learn how to cut promos like Zandig so they can stop sucking on the mic.
PP3 Cup Quarter-Final Match: Kevin Martenson vs. Sasha Darevko
So Brandon decided to sorta update his fake-Russian gimmick by getting Sasha Darevko an Adidas tracksuit. This was a weak heel vs. heel comedy match. Outside of Kevin Martenson doing some cool offense, this match sucked.
Backstage now with that dork that’s not Cathy Kelley interviewing Jarek 1:20. They talk about Tyler Bateman not being around since he lost a match to The Hobo. Jarek says him and Tyler are going to “rise above” and that “everyone will pay” or some shit.
Bad Dude Tito vs. Manny Castillo
Tito Escondido is obviously going to win as Manny Castillo got the jobber treatment. Tito was good on offense, but the Manny kid fucked up a lariat spot. Honestly I wish this match was just Tito tossing around and killing a generic kickpad wearing dork. That boy didn’t need those hope spots going up against a dude who looks like the fucking son of Machete. C’mon man.
Post match shenanigans: Tito is interviewed by that dork in the ugly suit. I think his name is Grant. Whatever, he’s awful and irrelevant. Tito says 2016 is going to be his year. Then Eli Drake cuts a promo backstage about the tournament. These promos need more Zandig. In fact, everyone needs more Zandig in their life.
Los Primos Rivera (Gino & Danny Rivera) vs. The Classic Connection (Levi Shapiro & Buddy Royal) vs. Tag Game Strong (Cedric King & Leo Blaze)
So Los Primos Rivera are Danny Limelight and Seville The Thrill. Their gimmicks are that they’re loudmouth Puerto Ricans from New York. Gino is annoying and looks like a shaved bird. The match starts off with a poorly timed, overly choreographed, and poorly executed spot. Whoever edited/directed this show missed Leo Blaze’s dive. Good fucking work guys! Leo Blaze got beat up by the heel teams until he made a hot tag to Cedric King. This match was pretty weak. I have to be honest, I didn’t come up with that shaved bird line. I was actually watching “Big Momma’s House” before I started these reviews and that line by Martin Lawrence was classic. But yeah, this match. No buys.
PP3 Cup Quarter-Final Match: Eric Watts (w/ Ty Matthews) vs. Dan Joseph
So there’s some type of angle I guess between Dan Joseph and the timekeeper, who is also the backstage dork named Grant. This match was bad. Watts won. The announcers suck.
Post match shenanigans: Dan Joseph gets back up after a replay of Watts winning, completely no selling his finish. The douche named Troy interviews Dan Joseph because the dork Grant doesn’t want to. That Troy guy looks like a missing Butabi brother and seems like the kind of guy who would slip something in a girl’s drink. Not saying he has, but he just comes off that way. The fans agree with me that Troy looks like an idiot and chant “Troy looks stupid” and he leaves with Dan Joseph. Fuck, I’m glad he’s gone from commentary, but disappointed knowing that he’s probably going to be back later.
PP3 Cup Quarter-Final Match: Big Duke vs. Eli Drake
This was a short, boring and basic match. They had a fucked finish where Big Duke hit Eli Drake with a lariat, went for the pin and Eli kicked out but the referee counted the pin fall. Show ends with Eli Drake complaining. Weak. There was a fan in the front row who was paying more attention to his phone than he was this match. I think that pretty much says it all about this one.
Championship Wrestling From Hollywood: Episode 245
The commentary dorks are at ringside in front of the two dozen fans in attendance. That Troy dork is in the background. Ugh. The unfunny, aborted fetus Stu Stone made his return. These shows always have the worst opening segments.
PP3 Cup Semi-Final Match: Kevin Martenson vs. Big Duke
This match was pretty slow and basic to start. Big Duke got some cool offense in on Kevin Martenson. During the match, Eli Drake came out and caused a distraction. He was complaining about losing to Big Duke, which allowed Martenson to take advantage and win. Stu Stone was annoying on commentary during this match. This show is seriously a whole bunch of ridiculous fuckery.
Backstage with Cathy Kelley! She’s joined by Ty Matthews and Eric Watts. They talk about power of positivity and aggression or something. This promo sucked, but Cathy was great.
PP3 Cup Semi-Final Match: Rocky Romero vs. Eric Watts (w/ Ty Matthews)
This was a typical big man with heel manager vs. smaller babyface type match. Eric Watts was in control for a portion of the match and kept things really slow for awhile until Rocky Romero made a comeback. Match was basic, nothing really noteworthy. Rocky advances to the finals.
Post match shenanigans: Rocky was attacked by Watts. That Grant dork is backstage with two other dorks who are called the Marquez Brothers. They talk about some guy named Falco and talk about Peter Avalon. They bring in Peter, and they announce that he won an all-expenses paid vacation to anywhere in the world he wants to go to, but that he’ll have a title defense when he gets back. That Grant dork spazes out. This shit could use more Zandig.
Julius Coleman vs. Jorel Nelson
Jobber treatment for Jorel Nelson but he was able to get some offense in and the victory. Julius Coleman moved around a lot and seemed decent. One of the dumbass commentators called Nelson a “southpaw.” Whoever that was obviously doesn’t know what the fuck “southpaw” means and is a massive fucking idiot. Oh, and Stu Stone still sucks. Overall this wasn’t an interesting match. It was just a nothing match that wasted time.
Timothy Thatcher vs. JR Kratos
Before the match starts, Stu Stone tries to show how topical he is with his comedy by making a shitty “Making A Murderer” reference. Man he fucking sucks. Anyways, this match went about six minutes and was a neat little shoot/catch-style match. It’s a shame this match was on a show like this because if this went longer it could’ve been way better. Instead, we only get basic ass matches that get zero time and lots of shitty promos. Of the three episodes I’ve watched, this was the best match from those three episodes. Timothy Thatcher shined in this, and his groundwork was excellent. It’s a shame TV wrestling is produced by idiots who don’t know anything about making exciting television, as this could’ve been really good.
PP3 Cup Finals: Kevin Martenson vs. Rocky Romero
So the story of this is Rocky Romero is still hurting from being attacked by Eric Watts in their earlier match, and Kevin Martenson works that over. Eventually Rocky makes a comeback and the match ends up going back-and-forth and Rocky wins. After the match Dave Marquez presented him with the trophy Urn. The match was fine. Not bad, but not very exciting. Could’ve been way better, but again, this is CWFH. No room for excitement and no great matches allowed here.
Man, this series still sucks. Episode 243 was rough to watch, and episode 244 was a dud. Episode 245 had two good matches, but at the same time the pacing of the shows are just so slow and boring that it’s hard to enjoy them. I know Dave Marquez doesn’t really give a shit about good wrestling and is all about putting on a television program, but even as a TV program, this shit sucks. The commentary sucks, the booking sucks, the stories suck, the crowd sucks, the environment sucks, nearly everything sucks! Timothy Thatcher vs. JR Kratos and Rocky Romero vs. Kevin Martenson were the two best matches of this set of shows, but that’s not saying much.