A live report on EPIC Pro Wrestling WAR’s 2/23/08 event. Yes, THAT EPIC Pro Wrestling WAR 2/23/08 event.Planes, Trains and Automobiles Report Vol. 13: EPIC Pro Wrestling WAR 2/23/08
by Paul Newberry and Jay Doring
Hello, and welcome back to the “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” report. The longest running live report series on SoCalUncensored (also the only live report series on SCU). This time on the PT&A will we will be taking a look at the latest offering from EPIC Pro Wrestling WAR. As they presented the long awaited follow up to SummerSlam 1991, “A Match Made In Heaven, A Match Made In Hell 2” live from sunny Newhall, California!
Now as many of you know, a lot has happened since we last left EPIC WAR. Heck, a lot has happen since we left this show. But you know what? There has been so much said about all of these topics that I am sure that everyone already has their minds made up on them one way or another. So instead of wasting everyone’s time (even more than we usually do) we will forgo commenting on these issues, and will strictly be covering the events of the 2/23/08 show in this report. Don’t worry though, there will still be plenty of bitching, just not about any subject that didn’t happen at this show. Ok? =) Let’s begin…
We arrived in Newhall close to the announced bell time of 8 PM. But since this was an independent wrestling show afterall, 8 PM came and went without a single bell ringing. So after an extended wait outside in the cold (which included some light rain) the doors finally opened. Holy shit, it was standing room only! No they didn’t have more people in attendance or anything, they simply had less chairs! The three rows of chairs on each side from the first two shows were reduced to only ONE row on each side. Fantastic! By the time we got in, there were no empty chairs left. Thankfully some nice people let us share a booth with them. But seriously, you need chairs! Providing adequate seating should be the very first thing you do when you put a show of any kind (See? I told you there would be bitching in this thing). Anyway, after even more waiting, the show finally started (roughly 45 minutes late).
Match One:
JT Hyatt Vs. Tyler Bateman
Paul: Time for our opening bout, which totally won’t be ending in a no contest. First we have the debuting Tyler Bateman. Normally this would be where I would tell you some background information on the wrestlers, but I honestly have no idea who Tyler Bateman is. However a quick web search reveals that he has worked for a company called IZW out in Oklahoma in the past. Bateman is sporting a mohawk haircut and had the words “Punk Love” both written on his trunks and tattooed on his chest. But of course, as a friend told me back in High School “Once you say you are punk, you are officially not punk” Yeah, I’m not sure how that works either…
His opposition tonight will be JT Hyatt. “The Wholesome Hero” is a Newhall fan favorite, who has worked for both BigPro and APW in the past. He comes into the contest with a won/loss record of 1-1-1 in the promotion.
Jay: Basically, all I remember from this match was headlocks. LOTS and LOTS of headlocks. These two have quite obviously mastered the headlock. Oh and Tyler Bateman dug into his bag of tricks and used the word “fuck” to get heel heat. Anyway, anyone with any familiarity with EPIC Pro Wrestling WAR’s show patterns (basically, me and Paul) knew what was coming, and whaddya know, here comes Biggie Biggz to attack both of them and cause the match to be thrown out.
Paul: Biggie Biggz took out both men with a vicious double clothesline. After he cleared the ring of Hyatt and Batman, he grabbed the mic and shouted out “Where is Joey? I want Joey now”. EPIC WAR owner, Gary Yap comes out and informs Biggie that Joey Ryan isn’t here tonight, and to try to make it up to him, he offers Biggie any match of his choosing. But Biggie only wants Joey.
The angle with Biggie here was effective, but the actual match that preceded it was pretty boring. Literally nothing happened save for a few token moves and a seemingly endless series of headlocks. I would have suggested playing a headlock drinking game of some sort, but most of the crowd was already way ahead of me on the drinking part. That bar must make a complete killing on these shows.
Winner: No Contest (5-0 at EPIC shows!)
Match Two:
Ryan Drago Vs. Chimaera
Paul: This was originally supposed to be Drago Vs. Tony Kozina in a #1 contenders match (even though Kozina has lost every match he has had in EPIC WAR) But there wasn’t any mention of Tony Kozina’s whereabouts during the course of the show. This was surprising to me, because they did a video on their blog in early January where Kozina complained to Yap about never getting his due (all in an awesome Joe Pesci sounding voice). So to appease him, they booked him in this number one contenders match…. and he didn’t show up for it. Now I’m sure that Kozina had a legit reason for missing the show, but such things do look pretty bad from a storyline perspective. So anyway, instead of Tony Kozina, Ryan Drago (3-2) will now have to take on Chimaera (0-2-1) in a rematch from EPIC WAR’s October show.
Jay: I make a point to mention in every EPIC review to put over Ryan Drago, and it’s well deserved because he is one of the best unsung wrestlers in the state of California. While he has suffered from, shall we say spotty opposition in EPIC, this was his best match in the promotion to date (that we have seen.) Unlike his first encounter with Chimaera, where they tried to do Chimaera’s style and it seemed all over the place, this had a solid foundation as it seemed to be more Drago’s match. Drago slowly broke down Chimaera with strikes and submissions (busting out the Ole kick on the outside and Rocky Romero’s flipping cross armbreaker takedown), only allowing Chimaera a few bits of offense. Chimaera did get a few decent nearfalls before Drago finished with the Tiger Driver ’98 (though knowing today’s indies, I half expected it to get a 1-count.)
Paul: This was by far the best match I have seen out of Chimaera. I think Jay summed it up perfectly when he said that they worked this match more in Drago’s style and thus it turned out loads better than their previous encounter. Drago is definitely someone to watch out for here in EPIC WAR.
Winner: Ryan Drago.
Paul: For some reason they also had another camera crew there filming the show. Several times the guy filming would turn toward the crowd for a reaction shot, only to find a dead silent/near comatose audience member. Which I found fairly amusing.
Match Three:
Devilishly Sexy (Sonny Samson, Dustin Cutler & Brandon Cutler) Vs. The Suburban Commandos (D-Unit, T-Rent & DJ Rizz)
Paul: Entering first we have the debuting trio known as “Devilishly Sexy”. Which consists of Sonny Samson and The Cutler Brothers (formerly known as Ronnie Tsunami and Diablo) These three have worked for such promotions as AWS, EWF, HRW, NGW and BigPro in the past, Dustin has even had a match on a TNA Pay Per View pre-show years back. Here they doing a flamboyantly gay gimmick with plenty of crotch thrusting to hammer the fact that they were “gay” in as much as humanly possible. Perhaps next time they will bring out a big neon sign with the word “GAY” on it, you know in case there happens to be near-sighted senior citizens in the back who don’t get it.
The not so subtle trio from Brokeback Mountain will be answering the challenge of the 2007 NorCal Uncensored Tag Team of the year, the Suburban Commandos (2-2 in the EPIC WAR). At the last show the Commandos were able to score a big win over the Jackson Brothers. Tonight they will be looking for a win to build upon that momentum and further establish their position as the dominant trio in EPIC Pro Wrestling WAR.
Jay: Every once in a while, wrestlers simply don’t click. I wrote this review the Tuesday after the show and just saw it again tonight on ECW with CM Punk/Shelton Benjamin/Elijah Burke. This was one of those cases. The reunited Devilishly Sexy were amusing with their Brokeback antics, and Sexy Sonny Samson’s “who wants to see me naked?” catchphrase always makes me laugh. However, the Commandos, after two previous impressive performances, didn’t click with their opponents and a lot of their stuff looked off. Also, I have no idea how long this match was but it really felt like an hour. The ending was a little flat too, as I believe it featured the “hook the ropes” finish.
Paul: Unfortunately, these teams did not click at all, and nothing much of note happened in the match. The bulk of the match consisted of Samson and The Cutlers continuously falling into, let’s say… suggestive positions. That was pretty much the whole match. It’s a real a shame, as I like the Commandos. Their first two EPIC WAR matches were really entertaining, and from all reports their match with the Jackson Brothers from December was great, but for some reason it just wasn’t there tonight.
Winners: Sonny Samson and The Cutler Brothers
Paul: Now it was time for the “Match Made in Heaven” portion of our show, as ring announcer Ben Tomas and his wife Kathy renew their vows! Hey, Jay… you cover this one, will ya?
Jay: I um…plead the Fifth here.
Paul: …..you bastard. Okay then, I will do my best to sum it up as quickly as possible: There wasn’t any kind of ceremony or anything that you would expect from one of these things. It basically amounted to them standing in the ring until the Stepfamily came out to join in. The Stepfather came equipped with a “Bachelor party in a bag” (which consisted of a bag of pork rinds, a bottle of booze and copy of black tail magazine) which he presented to Ben Tomas. Then the Stepfamily provided a bachelorette party for Kathy Tomas, which consisted of them dancing to Blue Öyster Cult’s “Godzilla”. Yes, it was as good as it sounds. The still enraged Bigge Biggz entered the ring and broke things up. After a short brawl, the Stepfamily were able to get the better of the big man, and draped him over the rope, then entered Johnny Webb, who smashed something over Biggie’s head. The Stepfather proclaimed the new group “The Poor Horsemen” and then they left. Yikes, I may have to join Jay with the whole pleading the Fifth thing. As a matter of fact… yeah, I’ll take the 5th too. God bless America….
Also after watching this and the opening angle with Biggie, I couldn’t but wonder why they couldn’t have found ANY sort of replacement for Joey Ryan. It’s not like Biggie Vs. Joey was some minor match either, it was the featured match on the flyer. Next to the Main Event tag, it was the show’s selling point. Hell, the show itself was even named after that match. I had actually heard that Joey wasn’t going to be there a few days prior and thought to myself “That sucks, but they probably have a good replacement lined up” Yep, they sure did: A thirty second brawl with the Stepfamily! I get that it was an angle with that fake CSAC guy screwing over the promotion, but still it hurt the show.
Intermission time Yes, it was now time for intermission, even though half the audience had already escaped into the bar during the last segment (in fact, the people who were sharing the booth with us left and never came back).
Let’s recap what happened during this intermission tour de force:
– Daffney signed autographs at the merch table. Basically a few guys stood around gawking while she sold a couple of pictures. Good times.
– EPIC WAR DVDs were hawked. Jay picked up EPIC WAR’s “Slamhouse” DVD. Which contains both the October 2007 EPIC WAR show and a WAR show from May of 2005. Pretty good deal for $20. Also available were other EPIC WAR shows and DVD compilations including the Best of Joey Ryan also for 20 bucks…hey I paid $25 for the Joey set at PWG! Blast you Joey and your shameless quest for profit. It’s a fantastic DVD set though, I highly recommend it.
– Gary Yap’s newest nemesis “Jimmy Quinn” aka Fake State Athletic Commission guy (who is sueing Yap for the nice round figure of 37.5 Million dollars) also walked in unnoticed during intermission and was somehow able to find TWO empty seats. How the hell did that happen?
– Lots of people got drunk. That about does it for this edition of “Intermission time”. Let’s get back to the show:
Match Four:
Lil’ Cholo Vs. Nikki
Paul: Recently on EPIC WAR’s webshow, we have seen Lil’ Cholo (2-1) take issue with Markus Riot. This ultimately led to an EPIC WAR title match between the two in WPW. In that match, Lil’ Cholo had the title won, but Gary Yap was there to pull the referee out of the ring before the three count, causing the disqualification. This only added fuel to the fire that is the Cholo Vs. Riot rivarly.
However, tonight Cholo will not be facing Markus Riot, but rather “New York Knockout” Nikki (0-3). Nikki was supposed to be wrestling LuFisto here, but things didn’t work there, so the match was changed to Cholo Vs. Nikki. There isn’t an apparent story line reason for this match, it’s just happening.
The special guest referee for this contest was former WCW Star, Daffney (who has gotten a lot hotter since WCW I should add).
Jay: Here is the report’s obligatory Cholo praise: This match is proof positive that Lil’ Cholo deserves more credit as one of the most consistent veteran wrestlers in SoCal. This match was the best Nikki match I’ve ever seen, as while Nikki can be inconsistent and tries stuff that’s a bit beyond her skill set, Cholo was able to lead her through a very solid match. He didn’t exactly go easy on her though, and Nikki to her credit took some VERY painful-looking bumps. The use of Daffney in this match was effective as well, as the crowd was happy to see her (a little TOO happy hint hint) and she was part of a really funny comedy spot involving um, chops. Cholo won the match with his sitdown reverse piledriver finisher and put over Nikki on the stick afterwards (although the smashed beyond belief Newhall fans didn’t make that easy for him.)
Paul: I liked this match, it told a good story, had some nice offense, with a little bit of comedy mixed with. Not to mention Daffney! Hey, Jay do you remember the time in WCW when Daffney started dating some guy who looked exactly like Crowbar, only it turned out that Crowbar secretly liked her and was jealous?
Jay: Yeah, I do.
Paul: That was awesome. What about the time where Jerry Only of the Misfits walked up to her and said “You call that ink?” Also awesome.
Jay: We going anywhere with this?
Paul: Not really.
Winner: Lil’ Cholo
Match Five:
The Negro Division (Eric Watts and Willie Mack) vs. The Devil’s Rejects (Brawlin’ Bo Cooper and Johnny Soavi)
Paul:The Black History Month challenge is on! Hey wait… what happened to LTP? First no Joey or Tony Kozina and now no LTP? What is going on here?
Anyway, tonight the LTP less Negro Division consist of YOUR 2007 SoCalUncensored.com rookie of the year, “The Big Nasty” Eric Watts (1-0-2) and former WPW Champion, “The Chocolate Juggalo” Willie Mack (who will be seeing his first official EPIC WAR action tonight).
They will be taking on the Devil’s Reject’s. Who are represented tonight by the Mayor of Newhall, Bo Cooper (3-1) and grizzled ring veteran, Johnny Saovi (2-0). They were accompanied to the ring by about 80 different people, all with varying levels of usefulness. It was overkill on the verge of absurdity.
The story for this match is that at the last show, the Devil’s Rejects interfered in the Negro Division’s match with Chimeara and JT Hyatt. So both Watts and Mack demanded a shot at the Reject’s. Gary Yap also added in stipulation that if the Negros win, they will get a shot at Saovi’s title at the next show and if anyone can pin Saovi here, they will win his yet unnamed EPIC WAR title belt.
Jay: Honestly, the match here was completely overshadowed by the post-match angle, so I’m not really going to go into any detail about it. I WILL say that Eric Watts’ improvement was very noticeable in this match, both in terms of his persona and competence in the ring and he truly is a deserving Rookie of the Year candidate. Hopefully he sticks with wrestling for the long term as SoCal definitely needs more credible heavyweights to be give cards much-needed variety. This was my first time seeing Willie Mack and he looked pretty good too, showing a lot of agility, even hitting Matt Sydal’s/Frankie Kazarian’s slingshot corner dropkick. The finish came when Bo Cooper hit a Spicoli Driver on Watts and Soavi followed up with a swanton bomb for the pinfall.
Paul: After the match, the Devil Reject’s brought out a noose, and Bo Cooper proceeded to… hang Willie Mack from the ring. Which got a loud reaction from the large gathering of drunken Bo Cooper fans in the corner. Yes, Bo Cooper just lynched a black man and got cheered for it. Only in Newhall. Gary Yap then ran out and tried to pull Cooper off Mack. Disgusted at the Reject’s actions, Yap reverses the decision and awards the match to the Negro Division. This gets a chant of “Bullshit” from the Cooper Troopers in the corner. An incensed Bo Cooper then hit the Spicolli Driver on Yap. After the smoke clears, out from the crowd came the Fake CSAC guy, he takes the mic and announces that he paid off Joey Ryan to miss tonight’s show (he hooked him up with the booking in Colorado I suppose). The best part however was when Teddy Hart entered the ringside area with this hilarious “What the fuck is this shit?” look on his face. Which spoke volumes.
Winners: The Negro Division (by reverse decision)
Paul: My reaction to the lynching angle itself is simply: “Eh, it’s professional wrestling.” What more has to be said? Do I agree with a lot of these “shock” angles? No. Am I offended by them? No. It’s just show, I’ll save my outrage for something that truly deserves it.
I personally found the overly jubilant reaction from the Bo Cooper fans in the corner to be the more “offensive” occurrence here. And just who is to blame for that? The Fans? Well, yeah. But mostly
I’d have to put it on whoever thought that putting BO COOPER in this position would ever get “heel heat”. I mean honestly think about it now, the largest and most vocal section of the EPIC WAR audience is there JUST to see Bo Cooper. They are clearly his friends and family. There is no way in hell they ever going to boo the guy no matter what he does. He could have came out punting babies like footballs while dressed like Hitler and still have gotten the 1985 Hulk Hogan pop in this building. I know I will probably hear about this later, but sometimes I do wonder if EPIC WAR actually knows (or cares for that matter) what their own live audience likes or dislikes. If they did, I really doubt this would have happened.
Jay: To be honest, this was the first time I’ve ever been truly uncomfortable at a wrestling show. I’ve had embarrassing WWE Diva stuff come on the TV in front of female acquaintances, I’ve seen wrestlers cut promos stoned out of their minds and proceed to have terrible matches, I’ve heard all manner of cursing and misogyny and whatnot. I usually don’t blink an eye. There are just some things you shouldn’t make light of, and violent racial persecution is one of them. Maybe I’m a bit too sensitive because I’m a historically persecuted minority myself, but the miscalculation about the kind of heat this angle would get made it so much worse. I seriously felt like I was at a Klan meeting for a bit as this angle unfolded, and ashamed to even be within a country mile of Newhall.
Main Event:
The Young Bucks (Nick & Matt Jackson) Vs. Teddy Hart & Markus Riot
Paul: With that behind us, it was now time for our main event of the evening. First up we have the team of EPIC Pro Wrestling WAR champion, Markus Riot (1-3) and Teddy Hart (0-2). As mentioned earlier, Riot has been involved in a rivalry with Lil’ Cholo in WPW as of late, which has been documented on EPIC WAR’s webshow.
As for his partner, I truthfully do not know what I can possibly say about Teddy Hart. I can say however, that you would be hard pressed to find a more unique indvidual on the Indy scene or perhaps even wrestling as a whole right now. Love him or hate him, Teddy definitely knows how to get people talking.
Their opposition will be the team of Matt and Nick Jackson (2-2 and 1-2 respectively) better known as the Young Bucks. I don’t think this really needs to be said, but The Young Bucks truly are the future of Southern California Pro Wrestling. They seemingly have it all. Effortless charisma, pinpoint execution, unbelievably creative double-teams, definitely the best two wrestlers to come out of SoCal in the past three years.
This show took place the night after Matt Jackson appeared on WWE Smackdown and he wasted no time in gloating over his accomplishment. Matt proclaimed his team as “Smackdown Superstars”. Nick then reminded Matt that he only hit one dropkick in his match with Chuck Palumbo, to which Matt replied “Hey that dropkick was worth $450!” Funny stuff.
The story behind this match is… heck if I know. I don’t even think there was one.
Jay: I have to agree with Paul, the Bucks have quickly become one of SoCal’s bright spots, the sky truly is the limit for both of them, and they proved it once again in this match, against the…unique Teddy Hart and Markus Riot. The selling point of the show to me was Teddy, and unlike most of his indy run, he didn’t disappoint here. Teddy actually worked his ass off in this match, hitting all of his major spots and showing major league ring presence. Markus was able to keep up with everyone, and this ended up being a great “send the fans home happy” rapid-fire spotfest. Hart scores the pinfall on Matt Jackson after an impressive looking double underhook Canadian destroyer.
Paul: This match was exactly what you would think it would be. Lots of spots, flips, near falls and assorted craziness. I freely admit to being a huge sucker for these type of matches, so I loved this one. It was easily the best match on the show and one of the best matches I have seen in EPIC WAR. It’s nice to be able to end things on a positive note.
Winners: Markus Riot & Teddy Hart
Jay: Teddy Hart cut his usual promo post-match, thanking the fans for their attendance. But all I could think about was how he, in comparison to the rest of this show, actually seemed normal.
Paul: And with that, we close the book on yet another wild night in Newhall. We’d like to thank you for reading or politely skimming through it while shaking your head disapprovingly. Hey, it’s not like we get paid for this either way.
EPIC Pro Wrestling WAR returns to the Legion Hall in Newhall on March 22nd 2008 with LuFisto, Ricky Reyes, CHIKARA Cult Favorite, Tim Donst and all the EPIC WAR regulars already signed to appear. For more information please check out http://epicprowrestlingwar.blogspot.com
