By No-Holds Bard
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Newhall used to be a quiet little town full of Hispanic Americans situated between Valencia and Stevenson Ranch, two predominantly WASPy areas. The only threat to Newhall was the racism of rich, white conservatives and the pseudo-gang violence from within. And then Battle Ground Pro Wrestling marched into town. To be honest, I’ll get this out of the way right here in the opening paragraph: this was, by far, the best show BiG Pro has ever put on so far, in terms of the matches and entertainment. But it was the worst when it came to the atmosphere of the audience and their risky participation. I’ll get to all that momentarily, but for now, I’ll let the wrestling do the talking. The show opened up with a stellar bang. The returning Chimaera, a former Battle Ground Pro Maximum Champion (then known as the Lucha Libre Champion) Infernal and one of the best girls in the business, “The New York Knockout” Nikki battled it out in a three-way dance to determine a number one contender to the Battle Ground Pro Maximum Title, currently held by “Marvelous” Markus Riot. Infernal did his usual thing, hanging out on the floor with the audience, taunting them and making fun of them for way too long before even getting into the ring. He even tried downing an entire cup of beer with is mask on, but I don’t know how much he wound up actually consuming. He and Chimaera couldn’t understand what Nikki was doing in the ring with the two of them, but she was actually substituting for Junior Old School who wasn’t even made mention of tonight as to why he wasn’t there. Nonetheless, Infernal and Chimaera didn’t feel threatened by Nikki and they let her know that, especially Infernal, who pushed her away before the bell as if to say, “I’m not wrestling a girl, get out of here.” Chimaera took his sleeveless trenchcoat off and Infernal took it from him and handed it to Nikki, as if she were his valet. But Nikki would have none of it. She took out both guys in one fell swoop, but as Infernal rolled outside, Chimaera let Nikki know who wore the mask in their relationship. After Infernal had more of his way with the fans, he continued the match with Chimaera while Nikki took a breather. They continued with this classic three-way formula for a bit with Nikki taking out Chimaera and then Infernal going after Nikki with chops to the corner. But Nikki turned the tables and got the fans to rally behind her as she sent Infernal reeling to the floor with a hurricanrana. Nikki even showed a great display of guts as she catapulted herself over the top rope out to the floor onto both her male competitors as well as the first few rows of fans. After the mayhem subsided Chimaera delivered one gnarly DDT to Infernal back in the ring and it looked as if he was out. Then Nikki came back and hit a Michinoku Driver on Chimaera and went for the pin. As the fans began screaming wild for Nikki, Infernal came to and interrupted the count. With Nikki out of the picture momentarily Infernal acted fast to gain momentum by nailing a Death Valley Driver on Chimaera and made the pin for the win.
Winner: Number one contender for the BiG Pro MAX Title, Infernal, via pinfall.
The next bout quickly got underway and was sure to be a slobby-cocker as Devilishly Sexy took on the legendary Ballard Brothers. But this time there was a new member of Devilishly Sexy, as “Sexy” Sonny Samson (Diablo’s “tag team life partner”) was out with an injury. No, there wasn’t any jungle fever goings on this evening, rather something more along the lines of a family affair as Diablo teamed up with Johnny Salami. In case you were wondering who Johnny Salami is, Diablo explained that he and Samson went out looking for someone who looked like Diablo, moved like Diablo, and had the same sexual orientation as Diablo. And that, my friends, would be Johnny Salami—a near exact replica of Diablo.
The match kicked off with Diablo administering a headlock on Shane Ballard. With the headlock applied Diablo wiggled his tush to keep himself focused. But instead Shane broke loose and took control. Shane got the tag to Shannon and both Ballards flew over the top rope with elbow drops landing on Diablo. There was quite a bit of double-teaming going on with both teams actually, but we all know that’s the way Devilishly Sexy prefers it. The Ballards caught D.S. with double dropkicks, which sent them rolling outside. Diablo and Salami consoled each other with an intimate hug as they each groped each other’s rears. Salami rolled back into the ring to take on Shane, and Diablo started dry-humping the air to get his game back on. Salami got the best of Shane for a moment and tagged in Diablo who immediately knocked Shannon off the ropes on the other side. As the referee attended to him, Diablo and Salami did what else but double-team Shane. But Shane was able to turn the tables and caught Salami in what else but a small package. But the ref wasn’t looking and Salami kicked out. Shane then got the hot tag to Shannon who came in and cleaned house. Shannon maintained control for quite some time, but eventually it all turned into a four-way. But not that kind of four-way. Both Diablo and Salami came off the top ropes with dropkicks on the Ballards and each made a sweaty pin attempt of their own. The ref counted for both pinfalls but both Ballards kicked out. Shannon and Shane came back and more gay high jinx ensued with double teaming as Diablo sat in the corner with Salami somehow managing to fall face-first into his crotch. Shannon and Shane shoved his face even more into Diablo’s crotch, even pounding his head into it as if they were pounding it into a turnbuckle. To top it off they issued a double dropkick to Salami’s head, which, of course, was wedged in between Diablo’s crotch. And then they did it again. In fact, I think they did it three times. I can’t even recall the climax of this hilarious match but the Ballards came out on top. I think that’s also the way Devilishly Sexy prefers it.
Winners: The Ballard Brothers (Shannon and Shane Ballard) via pinfall.
Following this match ring announcer Ben Tomas introduced us all to a young man by the name of Christian Rosenberg, who came out and obviously didn’t appear to be a wrestler. Rather we were told that he was the backstage interviewer for all the interviews that appear on the Battle Ground Pro DVD’s. Christian took the mic and talked a little bit about what he does, and then he brought out the Stepfamily to the ring. He asked Stepfather a few questions about his title match tonight with Kaos, to which Stepfather responded that he isn’t the youngest, is a little broken down and undereducated, but he’s got heart and he’s going to try his “darndest” to get the title he loves in the company he loves. The fans ate it all up, but then Kaos, “The Rock Superstar” himself, showed up to rain on the party. He got in the ring, accompanied by the lovely Jezebel, and just ripped on Stepfather. However, in a show of respect, he wished Stepfather luck and may the best man win. He offered his hand to Stepfather, who seemed apprehensive of extending his own, as the fans urged him not to. But Stepfather, being undereducated and all, took his hand and shook it and told Kaos that that belt was coming home to the trailer park. Then Kaos took the belt and tried to hit Stepfather in the head with it, but Stepfather saw it coming and ducked. He beat down Kaos and took the belt from him and held it up to his waist. Kaos got out of the ring and nearly threw a tantrum until Stepfather dropped the belt on the mat and told Kaos to come get it. Kaos cautiously slid in just enough to reach out and grab the belt and pull it out to him. He then retreated to the back with Jezebel and the fans went wild for the Stepfamily.
The third bout began shortly thereafter and it saw the Battle Ground Pro Maximum Champion “Marvelous” Markus Riot defending his title against the newest member of Commissioner Jason Bennett’s stable, the undefeated, the “Silent Assassin” Joey Harder. With Riot’s high-flying aerial expertise and Harder’s stiff, take-no-prisoners mat wrestling this was sure to be one hell of a match. Of course, Harder came out with Bennett, who assured everyone that they were the ugliest crowd he’d ever seen, and told them all that they need a shower and a shave, even the women. A group of rowdy fans behind me were just so loud that Bennett could not talk over them, and I don’t think anyone could even hear him say anything. One thing I did catch that he did say, however, was that as long as he is commissioner, Bo Cooper will never get another title shot and will also never get his hands on Joey Harder, the man who technically caused Bo the title in the first place. So Riot came out and had his game face on. He would definitely need it against this man. Harder just stared him down, but Riot answered back by throwing his hat in Harder’s face. I was already on the edge of my seat!
Riot began with stiff kicks to the thighs. I think that only made him mad. Harder took Riot with a headlock, which Riot reversed and Harder reversed again. He took Riot down will the hold still intact. Quite a bit of mat wrestling to start this match off. Riot took control momentarily with a leg scissor around Harder’s neck, but Harder was able to escape and mount his backside to deliver some nasty forearms to Riot’s temple. It went back and forth a bit on the mat, and Riot showed Harder that he could definitely hang with him. There were a lot of holds with reverses, but Riot ultimately took control as he administered a leg scissor once again and flipped Harder out over the ropes. To maintain control Riot went flying over the top himself onto Harder and smacking right into the wall. Riot then landed several hard, stiff chops on Harder that sent him reeling all around the ring as Riot chopped him over and over. Riot tossed him back into the ring and went for a pin but referee Tony Cutlip was giving him a slow count. Basically ever since Bo Cooper gave Cutlip a Spicoli Driver back in January after he lost the belt to Kaos, Cutlip has aligned himself with Bennett’s stable and still wears a phony neck brace. So as Riot was arguing with Cutlip about the slow count in favor of Harder, the “Silent Assassin” came from nowhere with a sick clothesline that turned Riot inside out. And if it wasn’t enough that Cutlip wasn’t going to call it right down the middle, Bennett began choking Riot on the ring ropes as Cutlip spoke aside with Harder. With all the odds stacked up against him, Riot attempted a comeback and after as he’s making another pinfall attempt, Bennett poked him in the eyes, causing Harder to comeback with a superkick and a pinfall of his own. Riot mustered just enough to kick out though. Harder was relentless and kept on him with a belly-to-belly suplex as the fans rallied hard behind Riot. Harder delivered some forearms, but Riot shoved him into the corner and hit a flying forearm himself. Then he dropkicked him in the face as the crowd went nuts. Harder attempted a comeback, but Riot met him with a Pelé kick. But, of course, Cutlip kept giving Riot the slow counts. So Riot pulled out an insane combo as he knocked Harder down with a forearm, hit a double stomp on his chest, and then nailed a standing moonsault into a pin. But the slow count caused Harder to kick out just in time. With all the stops being pulled out by Riot, Harder was able to gain control with a sick spike DDT, but still Riot had enough in him to kick out. This match was already insane and it wasn’t even over yet. Bennett started pounding on the mat in anger that his man was unable to take the victory. Riot pulled out another combo as he hit a back breaker into a side Russian leg sweep and went for the pin, and again, the slow count caused Harder to kick out in the nick of time. When Riot can’t get the pin he seems to lose focus, because just as last time he couldn’t get it, Harder gained control again, this time with a side suplex that caused Riot to land right on his head. Harder made the pin for the surefire victory, but Riot kicked out! Having had enough of this, Bennett went to the back and came out with Xtreme Loco and Crayz to stand at ringside. Riot went against the ropes and Bennett hit him with a chair on the back, but again, he kicked out of Harder’s pinfall attempt! Harder went up top, but Riot came to and knocked him off. Then Riot went up and was about to hit a 450 splash but Bennett reached in and was able to pull Harder away. Riot saw this and instead turned his focus outside to Crayz and Loco, and then landed on them with a Senton. The crowd was going absolutely ballistic, but then Crayz, Loco and Harder took it upon themselves to have their way with Riot and just mangled him. I think Bennett even joined in. That is, until Bo Cooper and Brandon Nitro showed up to even the playing fields. Nitro chased Bennett around the ring into the back as Bo beat up on both Crayz and Loco. Harder wound up jetting like a cat outside the building. Riot rolled back into the ring and Cutlip had no choice but to award the match to Riot via countout.
Winner: And still Battle Ground Pro Maximum Champion, “Marvelous” Markus Riot, via countout.
I’d hate to be following that match. But following that match was Foob Dogg, with “The Wholesome Hero” JT Hyatt in his corner, against “The Role Model” Preston Scott, with his bodyguard, Ray “Boom-Boom” Murillo in his corner. Scott came out with one of his patented Role Model T-shirts, this time saying on the back, “For War, Against Troops,” which I must have been the only one laughing at. There was some fat Hispanic kid in the front row who Scott tried to shake hands with. He begged and pleaded to shake his hand but the kid wouldn’t do it. The kid knew he was not to be trusted, and so Scott left him without getting his hand shaken.
The match began with the classic collared-elbow tie-up in which Foob overpowered Scott and threw him down to the mat. For some reason Scott event attempted a belly-to-back suplex, but it was obvious that he wouldn’t be able to lift Foob off his feet. Foob took him down but he escaped. He tried to start a cheer for himself with “Preston Scott! Preston Scott!” but the fans would have none of it. They turned it into a “ Preston sucks!” chant. Foob chuckled a bit and they tied up again, this time with Scott getting Foob in a headlock but was still unable to knock him down. So he went up top and attempted a flying crossbody but Foob caught him and slammed him down hard to the mat. Foob set up Scott in the corner and charged at him, but Scott moved and Foob’s momentum sent him hard into the corner as Scott followed up with a chop block, which finally sent the big man down. Scott maintained control, eventually pulling Foob’s legs from the outside the ring causing his crotch to meet the ring post as “Boom-Boom” distracted the referee. Boom then even went after Foob as well as Scott distracted the ref. But JT Hyatt would have none of it as he chased down “Boom-Boom.” Scott went for a sharpshooter but Foob kicked out and suddenly gained the advantage and then delivered a Samoan drop. He went for the pin but “Boom-Boom” once again took the attention of the referee as he snuck in a rather large chain to Scott, who wrapped it around his fist. Hyatt once again came to tear “Boom-Boom” away from the ref as they battled outside the ring. But when Foob turned his attention back towards Scott, he was met with a chain-link fist and it was lights out for Foob.
Winner: “The Role Model” Preston Scott w/Ray “Boom-Boom” Murillo via pinfall.
Scott and Murillo celebrated in the ring as Hyatt attended to Foob. Scott was even so cocky enough as to shove Hyatt aside, which just set him off. Hyatt started wailing on Scott, but “Boom-Boom” just wound up squashing him like a bug. Boom set up Foob in the corner and handcuffed him to the middle ring rope as both he and Scott had their way with “The Wholesome Hero.” Scott took the chain he used to beat Foob with and choked the life out of Hyatt as “Boom-Boom” beat up on a handcuffed Foob. Then he too took his turn choking Hyatt with the chain. “Boom-Boom” then went to the back and came out with a can of yellow spray paint. He ripped the shirt off Hyatt’s back and painted something illegible. I couldn’t tell what it was supposed to say, if it was supposed to say anything at all. Perhaps it was to say that Hyatt was a coward, hence the yellow. But that wouldn’t make sense anyway because it wasn’t like Hyatt ran away or something. Anyway, it wound up being a scribble of yellow from the back of Hyatt’s head down to his jeans. Scott and “Boom-Boom” had enough and left as the referee undid Foob from the handcuffs, who picked up Hyatt and helped him to the back.
Now it was time for one of the biggest matches in BiG Pro history. The long-running feud between the promotion’s top two tag teams (in my opinion) were about to clash for the final time, as The Young Bucks (Slick Nick and Mr. Instant Replay) took on Midnight Dynamite (Charles Mercury and Johnny Paradise) in a No-DQ, No-Countout, Falls-Count-Anywhere Loser Leaves BiG Pro Match! And how could I go into this match without discussing the yearlong history between these two teams? I must do this feud justice. So, it all started back in March of 2006, just one year ago. The Bucks fought Dynamite to a time limit draw and no winner was produced. Two months later in May each team was involved in singles competition against one another. Slick Nick took on Johnny Paradise and Mr. Instant Replay took on Charles Mercury, but each member of Midnight Dynamite interfered in the other team member’s match. Then in June we thought we’d see the end of this bitter rivalry as they took each other on in a double strap match, but again, neither team came out victorious as both Johnny Paradise and Mr. Instant Replay failed to answer the count of 10 by the referee, causing them both to be disqualified by double TKO. For a few months things cooled off because neither team had any matches in BiG Pro. But things came to a head when Commissioner Bennett announced there would be a tag team tournament to crown the first ever Battle Ground Pro Tag Team Champions. On the first night of the tournament in September Midnight Dynamite lost to The Stepfamily, and then the following month in October the Young Bucks lost to The Awesome Plague and Crayz, who would later go on to become the champions. This left both teams angry, hungry, and wide open for a continuing feud. However, nothing would come of it until January of this year, when the Young Bucks defeated three other teams, including Midnight Dynamite, to become number one contenders for the tag titles, which left Dynamite furious. So last month the Bucks took on the newly formed tag team champions, the Dogs of War, which consisted of Crayz and Xtreme Loco. When the Bucks looked like they were about to take away the victory and become the new tag team champions, out came Midnight Dynamite from nowhere to ruin their chances and cause them to lose. And so it was set. One team would walk away from Battle Ground Pro forever, and one team would stay, and most likely go after those tag titles again in the near future.
The bell hadn’t even rung yet before the Bucks charged and took out Dynamite. The Bucks mounted Dynamite, one in each corner, for 10-count punches, both ending with a simultaneous hurricanrana. Johnny Paradise rolled outside and Replay went over the top but Paradise held a chair up and hit Replay square in the head with it. Nick went after Mercury and just aerially whooped his ass. The Bucks double team Paradise, Nick grabs a chair, Mercury went after him, Paradise kicked the chair up into Nick’s face, and that’s just the beginning. Paradise tagged in Mercury who suplexed Nick, then flipped backwards, stilling holding on, picked him up for another suplex, then ended it with an armbar. He and Paradise kept things going in their favor for a while until Nick got the hot tag to Replay, who came in and cleaned house. Replay dropped for the splits and nailed both M.D. in the nuts in true Van Damme style. Replay opened a can on Mercury with some fast-paced action, but Paradise saved his partner. At this point it was back and forth for a bit until Replay came off the top with a Blockbuster on Paradise . Then both made tags as Nick took on Mercury and knocked Paradise off the apron. Nick nearly got the pin on Mercury and all hell broke loose. The Bucks were flying everywhere. Both teams were already out of it at this point, tired and barely able to go on. Mercury and Nick were in the ring, both men on their knees, exchanging chops. Then Mercury set up Nick for the Texas Cloverleaf but Replay made the save and just wailed on Mercury. Then Replay took a chair shot from Paradise as Mercury went down for the pin, but Replay kicked out. The fans were going nuts for the Bucks. Then Dynamite set up Replay in the corner. Paradise went up top and came off with the assist from Mercury to deliver a sick spike tombstone piledriver to Replay onto a chair. Nick made the save as he nailed a 360 from the top right onto a standing Paradise . Mercury went after Nick and hit a sunset flip, but couldn’t make the full rotation as Nick caught him there and pinned him for the win.
Winners: The Young Bucks (Slick Nick and Mr. Instant Replay) via pinfall.
Dynamite got so pissed off that they beat up referee Robbie Deming. Slick Nick grabbed a chair and ran them off. Mercury picked up several chairs and just tossed them into the ring, one even hitting the ref. Nick got on the mic and said after many months the Bucks have proved time and again that they could take on any tag team in BiG Pro, and they proved it by beating Midnight Dynamite once and for all. Then Nick began doing the old loser-leaves-town singsong of Steam’s classic oldie track, “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye,” which, in all honesty, is a song about a guy telling some girl he likes that he’s better than some other guy who’s also after her. What this has to do with wrestling beats the hell out of me, but it’s been sung so many times when someone leaves a promotion that it’s just become a staple. Anyway, the crowd got involved in the sing-a-long as a cup of ice came flying into the ring. I think Mercury took it from someone and tried to peg one of the Bucks with it. Everyone finally made it to the back and Robbie Deming slowly rolled out after the mayhem ceased.
Then intermission hit and Ben Tomas announced that Bo Cooper would be signing autographs of his $5 pictures in the ring. Then Tomas encouraged all the fans to participate on the website, which is www.battlegroundprowrestling.com , and they may send in comments and questions to Ben who writes articles for the website.
After the intermission break the next bout got underway as Hook Bomberry took on Li’l Cholo. The fans engaged in a “Cholo! Cholo!” chant, which angered Hook, who then got out of the ring to taunt the audience. Then he charged Cholo and took him down with a headlock. Cholo escaped and the two men faced each other. Then Cholo hit Hook with kicks to the thighs that sent Hook crying like a baby to the mat. Hook then hit Cholo with the same kicks to the thighs and Cholo made fun of him by dropping to the mat and crying like a baby, which got a hearty laugh out of the fans. Then Cholo showed him up as they grappled and got the best of him. Hook didn’t like that very much and challenged him with a slap in the face. The crowd hissed but Cholo slapped him back. Hook answered with forearms but Cholo gained momentum and control and took him to the outside. Hook felt the wrath of Cholo with several stiff chops around the ring. He even took an empty pizza box from a fan and nailed Hook in the head with it. Back in the ring Cholo kept at it with the knife-edge chops to the chest as the match continued to get even stiffer. Cholo set him up in the tree of woe and kicked him in the back a few times as Hook tried to pull himself up. Then he followed up with a dropkick to the face. Hook sat in the corner and begged Cholo not to hurt him, ala Ric Flair. But when Cholo got near him Hook grabbed him and threw him out of the ring. Hook followed him outside and told the fat Hispanic kid in the front row, “This is for you , fat kid!” and chopped Cholo a good one. Then he came over to me and said, “WOOO!” right in my face and told me, “Put that in your review!” Hook went back over to Cholo and set him up on the table against the wall where they served the pizza. He got up on the apron and we all thought he’d run and splash Cholo through the table or something, but no, just like Hook, he slowly runs across the apron, jumps off, lands on the ground, then chops Cholo in the forehead all silly-like. The fans booed as Hook went on to display his fine martial arts skills by chopping up the thin air. The fans chanted for Cholo once again as he attempted a short-lived comeback. Hook maintained control as he choked Cholo in the ring with his knee on his back, which he turned into a backstretch. He then went up top, but Cholo came to and jumped up to the top with him and took him down with a double-underhook suplex. He followed up with chops and then a T-bone suplex. Then he went for the finish with the inverse Cop Killa (which I think he calls the 187), but Hook reversed it and went for a backslide pin, which he couldn’t hit and turned it into a swinging neck breaker. Cholo nearly made a comeback but Hook pulled out the Michinoku Driver into the pin, but Cholo kicked out. The fans rallied behind Cholo as he got up and sat on the top turnbuckle. Hook came up after him and Cholo powerbombed him down to the mat. He followed up with a pin but Hook kicked out. Figuring enough was enough Cholo hit a side suplex and followed up with the 187 to get the final pinfall.
Winner: Li’l Cholo via pinfall.
As Hook was making his way to the back some fan in the middle threw an empty cup at him, and then another in the front row tossed a cup full of liquid at him. Hook turned around and shoved the guy, but security was on top of it. He grabbed the guy by the throat and literally threw the son of a bitch out of the building. Ben Tomas furiously got on the mic and reminded him and the rest of the fans to NOT touch any of the wrestlers. He had the same conversation with us all at the last show when someone else was thrown out for slapping Johnny Paradise. And apparently this was the fifth time in a row that someone’s been thrown out of the show. A new record for the American Legion Hall!
Now it was time for the Battle Ground Pro Tag Team Titles match as the defending champions, Commissioner Bennett’s the Dogs of War (Crayz and “X-5” Xtreme Loco) took on the newly formed team of “Brawlin’” Bo Cooper and “Mr. 300%” Brandon Nitro. And who else was there to referee the match was Tony Cutlip, the man who has unofficially aligned himself with Bennett and his stable. If you remember, Nitro had aligned himself with Bo Cooper back in January after “The Silent Assasin” Joey Harder cost Bo the title to Kaos. Harder and Nitro have had a long-running feud that has still yet to be settled, so Nitro came to Bo’s aid that night. Tonight they were given the opportunity to take on the Dogs for the titles, and they weren’t gonna back down. The Dogs came out, but before they could even be introduced properly Brandon Nitro flew out of the ring onto all three of them. Bo started kicking Loco’s ass with body slam after arm drag after body slam. Nitro then took his frustrations out on Loco and went for a pin but Cutlip made a slow count. Then the tables turned in favor of the Dogs as Crayz beat up on Nitro. Bo threatened Cutlip to call it down the middle or else. Crayz and Loco took turns beating up on Nitro, sometimes even double-teaming him. Bo got so furious with Cutlip but the titles were on the line and he didn’t want to do anything rash to get his team disqualified. Nitro barely made a comeback but Loco continued to double team with Crayz. Finally, Nitro got a window of opportunity and laid out Crayz with a superkick. He got the got tag to Bo as the fans went nuts. Bo laid waste and hit Crayz with a Bronco Buster. Loco came off the ropes and Bo moved as Bennett climbed up no the apron and hit Loco on accident. Bo picked him up for the Spicoli Driver and nailed it. Then Nitro came off the top for the 360 splash for the pin, and even with the slow count, Cutlip reluctantly made the full count—1, 2, 3, and that was all she wrote.
Winners: And NEW Battle Ground Pro Tag Team Champions, “Brawlin’” Bo Cooper and “Mr. 300%” Brandon Nitro.
Bo got on the mic and told everyone that they formed a name for their new tag team, and should now be known as The 300% Brawlers. Then Ben Tomas took the mic from Bo and told them that he was just told by Bennett that the newly formed, new tag champs would have to defend their titles against the guys they just beat in a rematch next month. Bennett then came back out again, looking so sad and depressed, and said a few words to the new tag champs, but he was speaking very lowly and the asshole fans behind me were just being so goddamn loud that I didn’t hear a single word Bennett said. Whatever he said must have pissed off the Brawlers because they took off after Bennett to the back. At this point Ben Tomas ripped into the asshole fans sitting behind me who were just screaming really demeaning and obnoxious things about everybody. Everyone in the ring sat back and took it all night, but Ben finally broke and cursed them out. He was so pissed that he was screaming into the mic and everything he said was distorted because of the high volume. You didn’t even need to understand him to know that he was pissed off. Even the fuckers behind me knew it, and after they got told they finally shut the fuck up during the last match. I’ll mention more about this later, but for now I’ll get on with it. Before the match started Ben also announced some matches for the next show: there would be the tag title rematch, The 300% Brawlers defending against the Dogs of War; “The Wholesome Hero” JT Hyatt vs. “The Role Model” Preston Scott; BiG Pro MAX Champion “Marvelous” Markus Riot defending against number one contender Infernal; and Li’l Cholo taking on “The Technical Wizard” Joey Ryan.
Finally, the main event was here. The Stepfather, winner of the 25-man Royal Rumble style match last month in February, earned his shot as the number one contender to the Battle Ground Pro Heavyweight Championship, currently held by “The Rock Superstar” Kaos. The Stepfamily came out and “Drunk” Uncle Ronnie gave some of his redneck juice to my friend, but he let me hold his lucky hat and his flask. I guess since I had them both last month when Stepfather won the Rumble that my luck would bring them another victory. Anyway, Kaos came out accompanied by Jezebel and the two men stared each other down in the ring. Kaos slapped Stepfather, but Stepfather just pie-faced Kaos. Still with his belt around his waist Kaos went after Stepfather but Stepfather clotheslined him. He rolled out all frustrated and Jez consoled him. Kaos went after Stepfather, but Stepfather picked him up and sat him on the top rope, crotch-first, but instead of punching him he just patted him on the head and walked away. Kaos was so embarrassed. Stepfather stayed in control but Kaos was right behind him. Stepfather had to make sure Kaos wouldn’t get one step ahead of him, so he clotheslined him again, hit a body slam, then an elbow drop, and then clotheslined him outside of the ring. Kaos was so frustrated that he took his belt and was about to walk to the back and leave the match as the fans showed their disapproval. But he did get back in and took control of Stepfather with a wristlock. Stepfather reversed, but Kaos reversed once more and took him down to the mat with a Fujiwara armbar. He stayed on the arm by kicking the shoulder and administering a few arm-wrenches. Kaos ran Stepfather into the corner and followed up with forearms and chops to the chest. Then Stepfather reversed positions and met Kaos with chops of his own. He sent Kaos into the opposite corner with an Irish whip and Kaos flipped over the top, ala Curt Hennig. Kaos did land on his feet on the apron but Stepfather followed up with a clothesline. Kaos got back up, however, and went up top to hit a moonsault on a standing Stepfather and then kicked him in the nuts when the ref wasn’t looking. Then Kaos distracted the ref so that Jezebel could choke Stepfather on the bottom ring rope. Then “Drunk” Uncle Ronnie and the Red-Headed Stepchild made a fuss about Jezebel but it only hurt Stepfather even more as Jezebel kept choking him. Kaos continued what Jezebel was doing by holding his foot on Stepfather’s throat in the corner. Referee Robbie Deming scolded Kaos as Jezebel went back to choking him on the rope. Robbie saw it this time but Kaos said, “Whaddya gonna do!?” And he was right, because Deming did nothing about it. However, it did not matter as Stepfather came back with an inverted atomic drop and a kick to the face that sent Kaos to the mat. Then Stepfather shouted, “Who wants pancakes!?” Three punk rock girls in the audience got up on one of the booths with their makeshift wife-beaters that said together “We Want Pancakes.” Before he could do anything Jezebel came in the ring and jumped on Stepfather’s back. He flipped her over and gave her the pancake splash and followed up with his “sausage” teabag nutdrop on her. The crowd ate it up. Kaos got up and superkicked Stepfather square in the jaw. He then went up and hit a 360 splash and went for a pin but got up after a two count. It was obvious he wanted to dish out more punishment to Stepfather. But before doing so he wanted to rub it in his face by doing pushups while trash talking. And instead of following up with a pin or something he just wasted time before going up top again to hit another 360. Because this time Stepfather got up and knocked him off as he went crotch-first into the turnbuckle. Stepfather climbed up and superplexed him off the top and went for the pin. The crowd went nuts. Then Mongol came out from the back and interfered by pulling the ref’s leg. Then he got in and attacked Stepfather. The ref threw the match out.
Winner: The Stepfather w/The Red-Headed Stepchild and “Drunk” Uncle Ronnie via disqualification. Kaos retains the title.
Mongol, the other half of the tag team the Santino Bros. with Kaos, helped Kaos beat up on Ronnie and Stepchild. In fact they just laid waste to them. Then Kaos, Mongol and Jezebel celebrated in the ring and finally left to the back. Stepfather got on the mic and asked the fans if he lost that match. All the fans, thinking Stepfather had it won if Mongol hadn’t interfered, answered No. But Stepfather said, Yes, I lost the match. He says he did lose and he apologized to all the fans. He said right now he’s not thinking of the title and the match he just lost, but rather he’s thinking of his “beautiful bastard” family, and that he was thinking about revenge. He proposed a tag match next month: The Stepfamily vs. The Santino Bros.
As I said in the short opening paragraph, this was the best effort Battle Ground has put on by far as of yet. By far. The matches really impressed me. From opening to close there was not a single dull moment. When I heard Chimaera was back I knew right away I’d be seeing a good match, and sure enough, I was not disappointed. Nikki even looked better than ever out there. I’ve only seen her once in a women’s match, and all the rest of her matches were against guys. She’s a real sport and takes her fair share of bumps, but so far she kicked ass in this match with Chimaera and Infernal. It was good to see Chimaera again. It was also good to see the Ballards again. I haven’t been around the indy SoCal scene long enough to know them very well, but I knew that they were good all-around wrestlers and also put on good comedy matches, and this one was no exception. Devilishly Sexy worked very well with them, and as much as I like Sonny Samson, Diablo and his brother Johnny Salami really hit it off together. No pun intended on that one. And then there was Riot. Riot and Harder. I don’t recall their first match they had several months ago too well, but this one was one for the books. I want whoever decides the Match of the Month choices to read this and take note: Markus Riot vs. Joey Harder is my pick. I don’t even have to say any more about it. Foob and Scott wasn’t a terrible match, but there were two things going against it. First, going up after Riot and Harder. Second, the fucking fans behind me just ripped on everyone and wouldn’t shut up. I shouldn’t even call them fans, they were just fucking pricks. They were calling Foob Dogg “Wolverine” and JT Hyatt “Iceman.” But they weren’t even cheering for them. I wasn’t gonna mention these assholes more in-depth until after going over the matches, but since I’m already on the subject I might as well. Throughout the entire show this group of classless, immature fucks sat behind me and just ripped on everyone. Yes, I mean everyone. I don’t want to repeat a lot of what they said because, really, what would be the point? It’s just, they went off on Ben Tomas with the fat jokes, went on about how everyone was a fag or a queer or a fucking homo or whatever, and just made everyone feel like shit. The Bucks were homos. Hook Bomberry was a homo. Devilishly Sexy were homos. Okay, well… that’s another story. But you catch my drift? They were even ripping on Bo Cooper. “Bo knows nothing!” I’m sure you all remember that Bo Jackson catchphrase. Anyway, they were telling some of the guys during the matches that they ought to go back to wrestling school, just because someone may have botched a move, and to get a new gimmick, because someone used a move that a WWE wrestler may have used in the past. It really made me sick. When Ben went off on them even Bennett came out from the back and started clapping. The other fans were sick of their shit, too. I understand that fans can say whatever they want as long as they don’t touch the wrestlers. But that was just too much. There has to be a line drawn somewhere. If they are ripping on everyone and giving everybody very undeserved heat then what the fuck are they doing there? They’re obviously not having any fun if they don’t like anything. In my opinion they ought to have been kicked out. I hope Bennett has learned his lesson and doesn’t accept their money next month if they decide to show up. They were at the show last month too, making asses of themselves sitting in the front row shouting the same homophobic obscenities. But tonight I think they brought more friends and the atmosphere was just ten times worse. And then you got the fan that did get kicked out. I don’t think he was even with the group of assholes, but still… I don’t think this kid would have done something like that if he didn’t think he could get away with it the way the other fans were acting. Five people in a row have been thrown out now. I have only seen this happen once at a PWG show and once or twice at XPW long ago. I think the fans are getting too wound up most of the time and they feel that they can get away with doing stupid shit. Hopefully the way security tossed this guy out tonight showed everyone that he ain’t messing around no more.
Okay… let me continue with my thoughts on the matches because I’m getting too carried away with this. Bucks vs. Dynamite: awesome match. The Bucks never fail to please. I’m sure if you asked the ladies they’d say the same thing. I love watching these guys, but I am also a fan of Dynamite. I have been closely following this great feud of theirs, as it has been one of the biggest feuds in BiG Pro history, but I was sad to learn that one team must leave. I knew it wouldn’t be the Bucks though. But I was hoping for some bullshit finish that would have no real winner, that way Dynamite could stay. But alas, it’s all over for them in BiG Pro. But I guess to the victor go the spoils, and perhaps soon enough the Bucks will get tag team gold. Hook and Cholo I thought had a good match. They did botch a couple moves, which was unusual for these two who are not exactly veterans but have been around long enough to put on good, entertaining matches. I am always entertained by Hook who always sells everything so well and has so much charisma. Same with Cholo. They could have put on a better match, but for what it’s worth it wasn’t terrible by any means. As always Cholo was so over with the fans, and that brings me to Bo, who as well is so over with the fans. I’m sure they’re all happy that Bo’s got gold again (or rather silver, as the belts are silver and not gold), but hopefully this will help Nitro get over more with the fans too. I’m not sure where Bennett wants to take this with these two, but I’ll be interested to see where it goes. For sure I thought he’d push the Dogs of War even further to the point where the fans would hate them so much that there would be some crazy, violent match to cap off a tumultuous feud. I also thought in the back of my mind that the undefeated Harder would take Riot’s MAX title to help build up Bennett’s stable. Even though Riot their match was still incredible. Harder is no longer undefeated, but you know they’re gonna say that he’s never been pinned or made to submit. The main event was also good. It’s very rare that BiG Pro has a main event that doesn’t involve Bo Cooper, but the Stepfather is over enough to be put in there with Kaos (even though they’ve had a match together already in BiG Pro), and it was nice to see him back as well. I know I’ve been talking about how great Riot and Harder’s match was, but thinking about some of the other matches it was difficult to pick a Match of the Night. It was between their match, Bucks and Dynamite, and the opener with Nikki, Chimaera and Infernal. I did wind up choosing Riot and Harder (yet another MOTN for Riot) because the opening three-way was too short for what these three could have done and the Bucks/Dynamite match fell to a very close second. I don’t really have a good reason as to why I didn’t pick their match as MOTN, but it’s just that every time Riot gets in that ring he gets better and better and gets even more over with the fans. Not to mention Joey Harder was SoCal Uncensored’s 2005 Rookie of the Year. This is for sure a DVD to pick up if you missed the show or want to see what Battle Ground Pro is all about.
The next show is April 23 rd and so far on the card is the new Battle Ground Pro Tag Team Champions The 300% Brawlers (“Brawlin’” Bo Cooper and “Mr. 300%” Brandon Nitro) against the Dogs of War (“X-5” Xtreme Loco and Crayz) in a rematch for the titles; “The Wholesome Hero” JT Hyatt vs. “The Role Model” Preston Scott w/Ray “Boom-Boom” Murillo; BiG Pro MAX Champion “Marvelous” Markus Riot defending against number one contender Infernal; Li’l Cholo taking on “The Technical Wizard” Joey Ryan, and The Stepfamily (The Stepfather and the Red-Headed Stepchild) getting revenge on The Santino Bros. (“The Rock Superstar” Kaos and Mongol) w/Jezebel.
For more info visit www.myspace.com/battlegroundpro or go to their official website at www.battlegroundprowrestling.com .
