By No-Holds Bard
This was it: the culmination of an incredible year for Battle Ground Pro Wrestling. It was slated to be their biggest show of the year and, well, every show for BiG Pro was bigger than the one that preceded it pretty much. But BiG Pro’s year-end blowout bonanza spectacular, “November Pain,” was like a shot of adrenaline to the heart and a clubbing blow to the skull; in other words, it delivered the goods. There were three huge title matches, including the double main event which first saw the crowning of the inaugural Battle Ground Pro Tag Team Champions when The Awesome Plague and Crayz, led by the sinister Commissioner Jason Bennett, took on the fan-favorites of The Stepfather and The Red-Headed Stepchild, with “Drunk” Uncle Ronnie, collectively known as The Stepfamily. Following that was the rock ‘em, sock ‘em, knock-down, drag-out brawl to the walls that featured the Battle Ground Pro Heavyweight Champion “Brawlin’” Bo Cooper defending his title against “The Rock Superstar” Kaos, with Jezebel in his corner, both bound to each other by a 12-foot steel chain. And if you thought this sounded like way too much fun and violence, wait until you read about the rest of the show. We begin this cold and windy evening in Newhall with two newcomers to Battle Ground: the Hook Bomberry/’80s Marty Jannetty rip-off known as Jr. Old School, playing the part of the heel, and the masked lucha libre high flyer known as Chimaera, playing the part of the face [Chimaera, forgive me for misspelling your name when I posted the quick results]. Each wrestler respectively got the crowd reaction they were looking for, which meant that the crowd was already pretty hot with excitement. I remember during the triple threat a few months ago with Human Tornado, J.T. Hyatt and Disco Machine, nobody seemed to give a shit about these guys, especially Tornado, except for Hyatt’s buddies that he brings to the shows. There was nothing Tornado could do to get the crowd going, even when he danced in the audience. Later that night he turned heel. But, that match had nothing to do with this match. It was only an allusion to a prior audience and how different they were to tonight’s audience.
Anyhow, back to the topic at hand: Jr. Old School vs. Chimaera. The match began with the classic elbow-collar tie-up with Jr. getting the best of Chimaera by shoving him into the corner. Jr. taunted the crowd to get the heat he was looking for, but Chimaera caught him in the tie-up and pushed him back into the opposite corner. Jr. applied a wristlock and threw heavy elbows to Chimaera’s arm, but he was able to reverse it into a snapmare, taking Jr. down for a pin attempt. Chimaera attempted a handshake with Jr. but Jr. arm- dragged him, and then both men began showing each other up with trips and arm drags and plenty of running across the ropes. Very exciting. Chimaera got the best of Jr., delivering knife-edge chops that sent him reeling into the corner. But Jr. came back with an Irish whip, sending Chimaera across the ring into the other corner and charged him with a clothesline. As Chimaera fell to the mat Jr. just stomped him down. Jr. hit a suplex and went for the pin, but unable to get the three-count he tossed Chimaera to the outside. Only Chimaera didn’t hit the ground. Instead he held on to the top rope and landed with his feet on the apron. When Jr. turned around he met the body of a flying Chimaera over the top rope. Jr. was sent to the outside, and Chimaera attempted the suicide dive, but when he saw Jr. duck he was able to stop his momentum. The finish came when Jr. blocked an offensive attempt by Chimaera from the top rope, going up himself to land a splash, but Chimaera rolled out of the way. As Jr. lay on the mat Chimaera went back up and hit a corkscrew splash and got the pin for the win.
Winner: Chimaera defeated Jr. Old School via pinfall.
Too short a match I thought, but it gave the fans a nice idea of what each wrestler was like. Wouldn’t mind seeing either of them again, especially Chimaera. He’d have some good matches with the other lucha wrestlers in BiG Pro. I think it’s interesting that he’s named after a Greek mythological female fire-breathing dragon. Anyway, the next match was supposed to be the long-awaited I Quit match between Brandon Nitro and Joey Harder—two guys with nothing but oceans of bad blood between them. There has been so much buildup to this battle and I enjoyed every minute of it. This was definitely one of the matches I was looking forward to. Joey Harder came out, as introduced by ring announcer Ben Tomas as “Joseph” Harder. And then when Tomas introduced Brandon Nitro, another referee came out from the back to notify Tomas that Nitro was not there; that he had been mysteriously injured and was being treated at a nearby hospital. Tomas looked at Harder and Harder lifted his arms like he was saying, “Hey, don’t look at me.” But Tomas told Harder that though Nitro was not present and able to compete there was still someone willing to take on the challenge, and that person was Foob Dogg.
The match began and Harder immediately applied a wristlock on the big Foob. He took him to the ground, but Foob reversed the hold, mounting Harder with the wristlock. Nice display of mat wrestling by the big man. But Harder reversed that into a headlock. Foob released himself by pushing Harder away into the ropes, but Harder came back with a shoulder block and could not bring the big Dogg down. Once again he tried but to no avail. The third time Harder tried it Foob just lifted him up and slammed him on his back. Harder wound up gaining control later on, getting Foob caught face first into the middle turnbuckle as Harder met him with kicks to the body. He snapmared him down and administered some sleeper rest hold. Then he tried to suplex the big man, trying to lift him a few times. Finally he was able to do it. He went for a pin but Foob just pushed him off like he was a feather in the wind. The two men began exchanging punches as Foob was backed up into a corner. Harder took the big man down to the mat, but as Foob was sitting up straight Harder dropkicked him in the head. When Foob got back up Harder tried to clothesline the man but it took him two times just to knock him off his feet. Foob began to get back up and as he was on all fours Harder just jumped up and stomped him with both feet on his head. Harder then went up top, but Foob came to and caught him. He climbed up with Harder and placed him over his shoulders and nearly slipped, but managed to hit a nice Samoan drop. At this point Foob took the lead for a while, giving several clotheslines and a sidewalk slam to Harder. Foob sent him into the corner with an Irish whip, splashed him, then hit a belly-to-belly suplex. Harder looked like his days were finally numbered. The undefeated technical wrestler had never met an opponent with such brute strength as Foob, who went for the pin. Harder managed to kick out and kicked Foob in the nuts when the ref wasn’t looking. When Foob got back up Harder jumped up and hit a heavy falling DDT. The match ended after Harder hit Foob with a forearm smash in the corner and went for a pin and put his legs on the rope to gain leverage as the ref made the count. Still undefeated.
Winner: Joey Harder defeated Foob Dogg via pinfall.
It was then that Ben Tomas introduced The Young Bucks (Slick Nick and Mr. Instant Replay) to the Battle Ground arena to say a few words. Replay started talking about how they weren’t able to be in the tag team title tournament and went over their recent feud with Midnight Dynamite (Charles Mercury and Johnny Paradise). These two teams have been through it all: singles matches, partners handcuffed to the ring post, double leather strap match, unscheduled brawls… and as of yet no team has really defeated the other one enough to call themselves the better team. So, the Bucks called out Midnight Dynamite, who came out in street clothes, as opposed to the Bucks who were ready to wrestle. Then all three referees came out from the back just as Mercury started bragging about how they stopped the Bucks from getting the title belts because since they couldn’t have them themselves (since they lost in the first round of the tournament) then they wouldn’t let the Bucks have them either (Dynamite cost the Bucks the match in the second round of the tournament). Dynamite said they’d love to have a match, but that they weren’t ready or even dressed, so they’d have to wait until January. Then Slick Nick said that the Newhall fans wanted to see it NOW. Then suddenly the Bucks just laid waste on Dynamite. Lots of high-flying aerial stuff and tandem dropkicks and stuff like that. But when someone’s back was turned Mercury allowed Dynamite to turn the tables. There was a lot of stuff going on that I don’t even remember or could legibly write down. I didn’t think that this was supposed to be a match at first. I just thought of it as a brawl in the ring. But just as suddenly as I saw a ref in the ring there was also a bell. Ring announcer Ben Tomas announced that the ref had thrown out the match as a no contest. Then all three refs try to break it up, causing Foob Dogg and J.T. Hyatt to come out and help. All the girls were cheering for the Bucks, but then when Hyatt came out all the fan-boys were cheering too.
Following this mayhem was even more mayhem (though a little more controlled) in a match between Los Luchas (Phoenix Star and Zokre), who were accompanied to the ring by “The New York Knockout” Nikki, taking on the reemergence of The X-Foundation (PWG World Heavyweight Champion “The Technical Wizard” Joey Ryan and former Battle Ground Pro Heavyweight Champion “The Professional” Scott Lost), a team that has won tag team gold before in Southern California. This was sure to be one for the books. Joey came out with Lost, heavily decorated in pink. Then he had to turn one whole side of the building into a vomitory as he sensuously rubbed his chest hairs in front of them. The match began as Lost and Ryan charged after Los Luchas just as the bell sounded. And then… well, if you want to know more, just go buy the DVD. No, I’m serious. This match was fucking incredible and I made a conscious decision to put down the pen and paper to thoroughly enjoy it. There was no possible way unless I had eight arms that I could note down all the fantastic stuff that went on in this match. Scott Lost and Joey Ryan never disappoint, and, let’s just say it was very, very good to see Los Luchas back in SoCal. At least, I don’t think they’ve been around recently. I sure as hell haven’t seen them recently, but yeah, it was great to have them back; at least in BiG Pro. I will, however, give you the finish. It came when Zokre applied a full surfboard stretch to Scott Lost (I think it was Lost), and Phoenix Star picked up Lost from that position over his shoulders and dropped him stomach-first onto Zokre’s lifted knees. It was sick. Lost was having seizures in the ring as he was getting pinned.
Winners: Los Luchas (Phoenix Star and Zokre) w/“The New York Knockout” Nikki defeated “The Professional” Scott Lost and PWG World Heavyweight Champion “The Technical Wizard” Joey Ryan via pinfall.
After the match Nikki got on the microphone and garnered applause for her wonderful team in their successful victory. And then she called out Rubi Red, a tiny punk-rock chick that interfered and cost Nikki her match last month against Hook Bomberry. Nikki made a point to show how she had taken on and defeat all comers, men and women, until Rubi had to interfere. So as Nikki and Los Luchas waited for her to come out from the back, Rubi ran in from the main entrance behind them and attacked Nikki. Los Luchas tried to get her, but she ducked out of the ring just in time and grabbed the microphone. She said that Nikki was fat and needed to go to fat camp. And that was pretty much it.
Next, as Ben Tomas introduced The Human Tornado, out came Disco Machine. Disco was not dressed to wrestle, rather, dressed to kill, but still had his little mask thingy on. He went on his tirade like he did last month about how Tornado’s a movie star and how Newhall is a bunch of drunken racists and porn-watchers. It’s pretty much true, and that’s why Disco’s a great heel in BiG Pro, but that’s beside the point. He said HE would introduce Tornado. And so he did, with Tornado accompanied by the lovely Candace LaRae. Two months ago Tornado was involved in a three-way with Disco and “The Wholesome Hero” J.T. Hyatt. When Disco won, Tornado got pissed off and beat the shit out of Hyatt. Then Disco joined in. Since then Disco has been Tornado’s lackey, taking the place of Tornado in his fight last month against Hyatt one-on-one. He told Hyatt that if he could beat him, THEN he would get a shot at Tornado. Well, this next match was The Human Tornado vs. “The Wholesome Hero” J.T. Hyatt, so I assume you can guess who won that match last month. Anyway, Tornado came out and got on the microphone and called Hyatt a little bitch that he would make famous by kicking his ass. So then Hyatt came out and Tornado, Disco and Candace ran to the outside. And I don’t mean out of the ring, I mean they ran outside of the building. Then “The Role Model” Preston Scott came out. Tornado and Candace made their way back inside, but Preston Scott got in the ring with Hyatt. Scott got on the microphone and openly defended Hyatt, saying that he had been a jerk as of late but his street fight match with “Marvelous” Markus Riot was something of a reality check, and the only person to call him when he was in the hospital recuperating was Hyatt. So he said that since Tornado had Disco and Candace in his corner that he’d act as special enforcer outside the ring to ensure that nothing happened with them. Oh, by the way, Preston’s shirt this time said “Prestonation Est. 1999.”
So, when the bell finally rang, Tornado once again ditched Hyatt in the ring and paced around outside the ring. He did this twice much to the disapproval from the fans. After finally staying in the ring, Tornado was able to gain control early on. A monkey flip, some chops to the corner, and a few kicks later Hyatt attempted to gain control but failed as Tornado knocked him outside. Candace kicked him on the ground as Scott held back Disco. Back in the ring Tornado still took control, stomping a face-flat Hyatt on the back of his neck. Hyatt was able to turn it around though as he hit an atomic drop on Tornado. But, since Tornado’s got balls of steel, really it did nothing to him. Of course, then Hyatt hit a reverse atomic drop, and then a few more atomic drops, four or five in total, and that sent Tornado reeling. Hyatt hit a fisherman’s suplex and went for a pin but Tornado kicked out. Candace tried to distract the ref, but at the same time Hyatt dropkicked Tornado into the ref, knocking him down. Candace then ran in the ring but Preston got in the ring as well and told her to leave to the back. Tornado was lying on the ground as Preston was arguing with Hyatt. Apparently Preston wanted Hyatt to beat Tornado while he was down, but Hyatt wouldn’t do it. So, while the two were arguing, Tornado, who was playing possum, got up and hit a back suplex and Hyatt landed right on his neck. Tornado made the pin and got the three count.
Winner: The Human Tornado w/Candace LaRae and Disco Machine defeated “The Wholesome Hero” J.T. Hyatt via pinfall.
After Tornado and his entourage left ringside Preston Scott picked up Hyatt and raised his hand. Scott was beginning to show good sportsmanship for once, that is, until he attacked Hyatt and got him in that sick Texas cloverleaf with his foot on the back of Hyatt’s head like he had done to Markus Riot several times. Scott told Hyatt that in this business you have to step on people when they’re down, and then said he was going to teach Hyatt a lesson. After the match ring announcer Ben Tomas wanted to thank the BiG Pro team for all their hard work this year and then called out Foob Dogg, who is the head of the ring crew, and told the fans that he builds the ring every night and Foob got an applause. Then Tomas introduced the fans to Pete the doorman, and then introduced his girlfriend Kathy the ticket taker. He told the fans how long they had been together and then he got down on one knee and pulled a ring out of his pocket. Everyone was on their feet. He asked her to marry him right then and there in front of everyone, and with a bright smile on her face she said yes and the place went nuts. They embraced to huge applause and arguably the biggest pop of the night. Then he got back on the microphone and shouted, “Ladies and gentlemen, we will now take a fifteen minute intermission!”
It would have been hard to follow that, but the last three matches of the night were huge title matches, the first being for the Battle Ground Pro Lucha Libre Championship. Infernal would be defending his title in a four-way elimination match against former BiG Pro Lucha Libre Champion Li’l Cholo, “Marvelous” Markus Riot and Infernal’s old tag team partner Silver Tyger. Honestly, this was another one of those matches that I just had to enjoy without the interruption of looking down at my pad to make notes in fear of missing something spectacular. I was able to take more notes during this match than I did during the Los Luchas/Ryan and Lost match. The match began with Infernal and Silver Tyger attacking Riot and Cholo simultaneously. But Riot and Cholo hit hurricanranas on Infernal and Tyger simultaneously as well. Infernal and Tyger acted as a team for a bit, taking down the other two competitors, but when it was just the two of them left standing, Infernal hit a Death Valley driver on Silver Tyger and pinned him. Tyger was eliminated. As he went to the back, Infernal followed him. Cholo and Riot were left together in the ring, and then the two began to go at it themselves. Cholo was knocked outside and Riot was going to fly over the top onto Cholo, but then Infernal snuck back in the ring and delivered a nasty clothesline, dropping Riot’s momentum. As Cholo crawled around the ring outside trying to regain composure several little toddler boys came over to him and tried consoling him with pats on the back as they knelt beside him. It was pretty funny. Inside the ring Infernal took control of Riot, but at just the right moment when Infernal was on the ground Cholo came from out of nowhere off one of the top turnbuckles and double-stomped him. Cholo pinned Infernal right there, eliminating the Lucha Libre Champion from the match. So now it was down to Li’l Cholo and Markus Riot. The two competitors began showing each other up by exchanging pin attempts. A rollup, a Mahistrol cradle, a schoolboy; just about every kind of pin there was. My notes after this were just scribbles and pretty random. These two guys were tearing the place down. Riot hit a hurricanrana from the top rope. At one point Cholo was outside, standing amidst some chairs where fans had scattered. Riot stood on the apron and went for a moonsault, landing just right behind Cholo, catching him in a reverse DDT. Then, with both guys still outside the ring, Cholo powerbombed Riot into the edge of the ring apron on another side of the ring. It was sick. As they got back inside the ring Cholo was still in control and hit this weird backward piledriver, something like Homicide’s Cop Killer (or Gringo Killer), but Riot was not facing outwards, rather facing Cholo’s backside. Cholo went for the pin, assuring him the victory, but Riot somehow managed to raise a shoulder. Suddenly Riot pulled a roll-up pin out of nowhere and got Cholo down for the three count.
Winner: “Marvelous” Markus Riot defeated Li’l Cholo, Infernal and Silver Tyger to become the NEW Battle Ground Pro Lucha Libre Champion.
The following match was the Finals of the tag team tournament to crown the inaugural Battle Ground Pro Tag Team Champions with The Awesome Plague and Crayz against The Stepfamily (The Stepfather and The Red-Headed Stepchild w/“Drunk” Uncle Ronnie). Commissioner Jason Bennett came to ringside to introduce his team of Plague and Crayz. He scolded the fans for enjoying the beat-down he suffered last month at the hands of Foob Dogg, but did thank them for coming out for their last show of the year. Then he assured the fans that he’d lead his minions to victory and tag team gold (though the belts were silver). The match started off with Stepfather and Crayz. Stepfather took control early on, dropping some knees on Crayz’s forehead. Then someone started messing with the lights in the building. Some lights would go out, then come back, and then on and off and over and over again. It was pretty distracting. Crayz got body splashed twice by Stepfather and then Stepfather shouted something about sausages and everyone applauded as Stepfather dropped his crotch on Crayz’s head. Stepfather rolled around in the ring a bit because his nuts hurt, but he made the tag to Stepchild, who kept things in control for his team. Child got kicked in the nuts though by Crayz and went to tag Stepfather back in but the ref didn’t see the tag. So then Crayz tagged Plague and Plague went to town on Stepchild. He knocked Stepfather off the apron and body-pressed Stepchild over his head, taunting the audience over which side he was going to throw him. Instead he just slammed him to the mat below and tagged in Crayz, who got Stepchild in a headlock. After administering the camel clutch on Stepchild, Crayz tagged Plague back in, who wailed on Child with several double ax-handles to the back. He then hit a belly-to-belly suplex on Child and went for a cocky pin. Child kicked out and got the tag to Stepfather. Then there was just mayhem in the ring; all four guys going at it. After the smoke cloud cleared it was Crayz and Stepchild again. Child hit an elbow drop on Crayz from the top and then Father and Child double teamed Crayz. When the pin was made Bennett came around and pulled the leg of the referee to break the count. Then Uncle Ronnie came around to where Bennett was and clocked him in the jaw. The place came unglued. Stepfather came around to congratulate Ronnie, and then went back to his corner, but Ronnie was still celebrating with the fans as Bennett crawled behind him and hit him in the nuts. Stepfather came running over to console his fallen buddy, and as the ref was paying attention to all the screaming coming from outside made by the suddenly “Sober” Uncle Ronnie, Plague picked up Ronnie’s cowbell and knocked Stepchild in the back of the head with it and made the pin.
Winners: The Awesome Plague and Crayz w/Commissioner Jason Bennett defeated The Stepfamily (The Stepfather and The Red-Headed Stepchild w/“Drunk” Uncle Ronnie) via pinfall to become the first ever Battle Ground Pro Tag Team Champions.
Now it was time for the main event: Battle Ground Pro Heavyweight Champion “Brawlin’” Bo Cooper defending his title against “The Rock Superstar” Kaos w/Jezebel in a Chain Match, with twelve feet of chain attached at the wrist of each man. Once again, the very mention of Bo Cooper unleashes the volume inside the American Legion Hall in Newhall. Kaos has been a thorn in Cooper’s side for quite some time in BiG Pro, and last month after the hellacious tag match between Bo Cooper and Li’l Cholo versus The Santino Brothers (Kaos and Mongol), Kaos made away with Cooper’s title. He had promised several times before that he’d bring the BiG Pro title back to Hollywood where it belonged. So this time it was personal for Bo and Kaos. When the bell rang, Bo charged at Kaos, but Kaos landed several punches on Bo’s cranium. Bo hit a back body drop but Kaos came back with kicks. He wrapped the chain around Bo’s throat, but Bo managed to escape. He then wrapped the chain around Kaos’ leg and the middle rope, leaving Kaos hanging upside down outside the ring. Kaos came free but Bo took him outside and threw him all over the chairs as the fans scattered everywhere. First they thrashed up one side of the arena, then came around to another and thrashed that one up too. There was Kaos everywhere. Bo brought him back in the ring but Kaos turned the tables. He wrapped the chain around Bo’s forehead and throat, choking him. Kaos went up top, but Bo pulled on the chain and Kaos came flying off onto the mat. Kaos lied resting on the middle rope and Bo came from behind with a broncobuster on his back. He went for a pin but Jezebel distracted the referee. Bo chopped Kaos into the corner and poked him in the eyes, but Kaos came away knocking Bo down and stomping on his arm. Kaos went for the Irish whip but Bo reversed it, sending Kaos into the corner. Bo hit the body splash, and as Kaos fell leaning up in the corner Bo hit the broncobuster again. Around this time Jason Bennett came out to ringside holding something in his hand. Jezebel distracted the referee, but as Bo crawled around the ring Bennett threw powder in his eyes. Bo got up and grabbed the closest person and gave them a Spicoli driver. It was the referee. Bo went down for the pin on the ref, not knowing it was the ref, but as he stood back up when no count was made Kaos came flying off the top and hit Bo with a Blockbuster. He went for a pin but the ref was still down. Jezebel tried waking him up, and when no count was being made Kaos came to help wake him up. Bo got up, however, and reversed Kaos’ Irish whip attempt, catching him in a Spicoli driver. He went down for the pin, but still no ref. Then another ref, Tony Cutlip, ran out to the ring. As he made the count Kaos put his foot on the rope to break it, but Cutlip didn’t see it and the three-count was made.
Winner: Battle Ground Pro Heavyweight Champion “Brawlin’” Bo Cooper defeated “The Rock Superstar” Kaos w/Jezebel via pinfall.
Or did he? The original referee came to apparently just as Cutlip counted the pinfall and HE saw Kaos’ foot on the rope. The two referees argued, but they came to the conclusion that the referee’s decision was final, and the final decision was a pinfall counted by Tony Cutlip. So, therefore the record books will show a title defense victory for Bo Cooper. Kaos was infuriated. He told Bo that it wasn’t over by a long shot as he and Jezebel left ringside. Bo then got on the microphone and thanked the fans for coming and to have happy holidays and everything and that they’d be back on January 13th. Then he invited everyone into the ring. People started leaving, but quite a few people got in the ring with Bo. Security was escorting people OUT of the ring, but Bo kept telling everyone to get in.
What an incredible show. Bennett and the BiG Pro boys worked their asses off once again to entertain the fans and it came off very successfully. I would like to congratulate all of them on their hard work and dedication to making BiG Pro a considerable success in 2006. I see only great things ahead for them in 2007 and most definitely look forward to it. Also, a BIG, BIG congratulations to Ben and Kathy on their engagement. They were the real Match of the Night. But as far as in-ring action goes, my Match of the Night goes to Joey Ryan and Scott Lost against Los Luchas. Words seem to be unable to describe it, since I wasn’t really able review it. But go buy the DVD of this show when it’s made available in January. Then you’ll see what I mean. Speaking of which, there were very few DVD’s available of the October show and I was able to obtain one. However, Bennett did say there would be more DVD’s of the October show, plus of this November show, to be readily available in January. It’s good that BiG Pro is finally able to put these DVD’s together, and apparently there will be other merchandise available as well. I don’t necessarily have the details on all that stuff, but I’m sure Bennett will announce it when it happens. The four-way elimination match was also incredible. I was happy to see Markus Riot get the Lucha Libre title. He’s a young guy with a lot of talent and I only see him getting better in the future. He and Cholo could have many magnificent matches in the future and I look forward to seeing them.
Once again, thanks and congratulations to BiG Pro for everything and I can’t wait to see them again in January.
For more info: http://www.myspace.com/battlegroundpro
