At PWG’s “An Inch Longer than Average”, I got the chance to interview the very unabashed Colt Cabana. In this interview, which also contains comments from American Dragon and Adam Pearce, Colt discusses a number of things from his various ribs to his thoughts on PWG and other things. Colt ends this interview by shooting on what he sees as SoCal’s biggest flaw. Just a warning, this interview is not for the faint of hear so be prepared for a very intense, vulgar, and hilarious experience.
Robby Deming: To start, thank you very much for the interview.
Colt Cabana: You’re welcome.
RD: Its always a pleasure to interview great people.
CC: Thank you.
RD: Alright man, so how’d you feel about your match with Adam Pearce tonight?
CC: I enjoyed my match with Adam Pearce. Umm, are you gonna get into the background of me and Adam or no?
RD: Well I know you guys had matches before.
CC: Basically, when we started in Chicago, he was the top in the mid-west and I was some and I was some green little schmuck and he kind of took me under his wing, among other people, and kinda showed me the ropes. Not so much just how to wrestle, but the ways of wrestling.
(at this point Frankie Kazarian comes up)
Frankie Kazarian: I want to interrupt this interview for socaluncensored.com. Are you gonnna go eat?
CC: Yeah.
RD: (to Frankie) Good match man, good seeing you.
FK: Thank you brother. (Under his breath) Ask him about…
CC: (Something incomprehensible to stop Frankie)
FK: (Trying to seem innocent) Nothing.
RD: (Laughs) Alright, I’ll just have to ask you later.
CC: So back to Adam. Him and I, we never got to wrestle and he was a guy that I always wanted to wrestle. And so, that’s the build up coming to this match, why it was really important for me. I was glad that they brought me out to wrestle with Adam, and I really liked the match, I enjoyed it a lot. And he’s a really great wrestler, he’s a really great heel. It’s easy to be a babyface when he’s a heel like that ya know.
RD: Yeah. I thought you guys worked really well together. I’ve never seen you work anyone as big as him, so it was nice.
CC: Yeah yeah. I guess I don’t usually…I’m usually one of the bigger guys. And that’s one of the things about Adam again. In the mid-west, he was kinda the big guy that moved around. I didn’t base my style around him but he’s very influential in how I wrestle. So we were easy to adapt. We both came from the same background in Chicago and so its not hard to adapt to each others style because we kinda have the same style. Ya know, different wrestlers wrestle from territory to territory, we’re both from Chicago and we both came from the same people so…
RD: (In reference to Frankie’s comment) So what’s this thing about Memphis? I have to ask now.
CC: Can’t tell, what happens on the road stays on the road.
RD: Alright, no worries. You trained with Ace Steel, what was that like?
CC: I also trained with Danny Dominion, so I don’t want to cut him out at all.
RD: Yeah
CC: They were both my trainers, and it was a great experience. They ran me hard, they beat the crap out of me, they beat respect into me – not that I didn’t have any, I had tons of respect going into it all. Just, ya know, 4 days a week, 6 hours a day. Hard work, cardio, understanding the business, whatever I thought I knew, I didn’t know anything. You break it down, you build it back up again and they did a great job. I’ve learned so much from them and I’ve taken so much away from that and I give them all the credit in the world. You know obviously, since I’ve broken away, I’ve picked up different stuff from going different places but it all came down to the basics they taught me. They taught me a lot more than the basics.
RD: Well I think they did a great job.
CC: Thank you.
RD: You’re a great wrestler.
CC: I do too. Worth the money I think.
RD: (laughs) Well, this is now your second show out here for PWG. Obviously you’re booked for the next one so are you planning on working out here a lot for us?
CC: This is hopefully my home here in Southern California, California too. These guys have such a great thing going right now. I’m telling people everywhere I go, when I’m in Ring of Honor, when I’m down South in IWA, I always tell people about whats going on out here in California, with PWG especially. It’s a great product and these guys are really putting their heart into it. Very reminiscent of Ring of Honor and IWA Mid-South who are more known for all the wrestlers really putting their heart into the product, and not just phoning it in ya know. I believe that Pro Wrestling Guerrilla is another promotion just like that and I wanna make this my home in California.
RD: Alright well that kinda translated into my next question about what you thought about PWG. Moving on from that, what are your thought in general on the SoCal scene and indy wrestling in California?
CC: It’s very different. Uhh, I know there’s a lot less old classic heel/babyface – the way I was brought in. Especially here it seems more lucha oriented which in turn leads to less babyface, less heels, more high spots which then kinda turns into the people that couldn’t do high spots are more beating the shit out of each other, who can say “ooh”, who can say “ahh” the most. And that’s the product out here, that’s what they like. I do my thing and I think when I come out here I do something a little different and that’s why they’re not used to that or when I go different places but that’s kinda what I’ve grasped from the SoCal scene.
RD: Why do you think it’s under-represented in the indy scene?
CC: I’ll say its much like Chicago, I agree. You just put words in my own mouth that I thought it was under-represented…
RD: (Feeling like an idiot) No I didn’t mean that, I mean –
CC: But I will totally agree with you that it is under-represented, and it’s the same way in Chicago. What is represented is the east coast.
RD: Yeah.
CC: Because that’s where the wrestling magazines are based out of, that’s where WWF is based out of, that’s what it sees. And then you got other stuff like us in Chicago, PWG out of California and the only way they’re gonna make the press is by making a really big buzz. And you don’t make the buzz over-night. It takes a long time. So then you make that buzz, then people on the east coast, where the magazines are, then they start to hear about you, then you got your little hook. So it’s a long step that maybe some guys from the east coast don’t have to take those long steps, but in California, where its under-rated, there’s so many steps you have to take in order to get noticed by the wrestling world.
RD: Yeah, with PWG, do you think they’re on their way?
CC: Definitely. I mean what is this, their fifth show?
RD: I think so.
CC: And I would definitely call this show a success. I mean look at the talent. I know in California a lot of guys wrestle for a lot of the same promotions, but then all of a sudden you come out here and (American Dragon walks up) American Dragon is on the show, and Frankie Kazarian is the champion and he’s a great champion, and you know, wow! CM Punk just came out, CM Punk’s never wrestled in California before. Samoa Joe is very choosy on who he wrestles for, and this is where he’s wrestling. It’s just the talent is so great here, it just gonna make it so that people are gonna have to watch the shows, especially go to Smart Mark Video and have to buy the shows, go to prowrestlingguerrilla.com and buy the videos.
RD: Definitely. Is there anyone in SoCal that you would like to work that you haven’t worked yet?
CC: I’ve never worked…umm, who haven’t I worked? Nobody (laughs). (Looks over his shoulder and remembers American Dragon there) American Dragon would not be one because I don’t think he’s that good (pretends to just now see him). Oh, it’s opposite day. (All laugh) It’s opposite day! (Dragon shakes head at Colt) I know I became commercial…
American Dragon: You’re so main-stream.
CC: …and I sold out. That’s what happens when you go over to London for a day. (Everyone laughs) But no, Dragon is someone I’ve always wanted to wrestle and he’s never gotten me to wrestle him, it’s his fault. I’ve never wrestled with Joe – this is Southern California people right?
RD: Yeah.
CC: I mean like man, this whole roster. X-Foundation, all those guys, even the lucha guys – I’d love to mix it up with the lucha guys. Ya know, Scorpio Sky, Excalibur – well I guess he’s not really lucha. Just you know, all the flippity-floppites. You know, I think I’d match well with anybody. Umm, yeah.
RD: Very cool. You have something of a reputation as a ribber. What would you say is like the best prank you’ve ever pulled? I mean don’t divulge the secrets if you’re not allowed to.
CC: No, its not that. I’m not so much a ribber, I just have more of a reputation for being just a dumbass. (All laugh) I’m not much of a ribber. I dunno, ask Adam Pearce. In fact I’ll tell you one. Back in the day, me, Adam, Punk, Danny Dominion, Steel, we’d go on the Minnesota trips and just, it would be like madness man. I mean I rib like every other minute man, so….let me think about it, if I come up with something I’ll let ya know.
RD: (Laughs) Alright no worries man.
CC: A giant rib is people coming to a wrestling show for Homecoming (in reference to the fan that brought his date from Homecoming and came all dressed up). That’s funny to me.
RD: Yeah I dunno. She didn’t look too happy during the show.
CC: Who’s that?
RD: The girl, now she looks fine.
CC: Yeah, now she’s ready to put out for this guy. (All laugh) Is this prom?
RD: I think it’s Homecoming, and that’s going in the interview.
CC: That’s awesome.
RD: That’s cool, I wish my girlfriend would come out here. She won’t go to my shows when I work because she doesn’t want to see me get hurt, so whatever.
CC: That’s overrated.
RD: Contrary to the rest of my friends who only want to go to one of my shows if they know I’m going to get hurt.
CC: Well there ya go (Laughs).
RD: So you’ve got a fairly unique gimmick, it’s more of a classic heel gimmick. How did you come up with it and why do you think its successful in this day and age?
CC: Well, I tried to be Mr. Badass which everyone tries to do. I tried to be…I shouldn’t say I tried to be, but like ya know “look at me, I’m stiff, I drop everyone on their head”. Look at everybody else, they all do that. I want to be comfortable in the ring, I just want to be me. And that’s all it is, it’s me man.
(Adam Pearce interrupts at this point to ask the following)
Adam Pearce: Hey Cabana are you doing an interview?
CC: Yeah.
AP: Did you tell ‘em about the time that I wiped my ass and put it in your pocket?
CC: (as if trying to play innocent) Oh…
RD: Alright yeah, I need more ribs.
CC: He did ask a rib story.
(Adam Pearce & Vanderpyle both express interest and my interview has suddenly got a lot more interesting.)
CC: We’re reverting back to….I told him about the Minnesota trips, how we would go rib crazy.
AP: I just did a shoot interview and put those over like crazy. Did you tell him about chaps?
CC: I always tell about chaps, that’s like my number one rib story.
RD: Alright, go ahead.
CC: Go ahead Adam, tell our chaps story.
AP: We like chaps – chaps ya know, the ass-less leather things that you wear over your legs. So where were we at? We were going to Minneapolis…
CC: It was WalMart, yes.
AP: Was it in Minneapolis?
CC: It was after a really horrible show for Ed Hellyer…
AP: Cuz after a shitty show, we went to WalMart.
CC: …or Head Ellyer, we won’t name his name.
AP: Right. We had uh, we had water balloons?
CC: (Confirms) Water balloons.
AP: And a sun roof…
CC: No, no, water bombs.
AP: Ahh, yes, yes.
CC: The squirty gimmicks.
AP: (Gesturing to Colt) And this gentlemen right here was driving, and he’d pull up to random schmuks and say, “Excuse me, do you know if they sell chaps in there?” And they would say, “What?” And as they would say that, I would pop through the fuckin sun roof and go “BLAAAHH!!!” and spray them with water.
CC: And would they move?
AP: They wouldn’t.
CC: No, they’d just kind of sit there in awe that they just got water bombed.
RD: (laughing) And where was this?
CC & AP: In Minnesota…
RD: Ahh, that makes sense.
CC: Cuz they’re Minnesotans….Oooh, ooh, I’ll tell ya a rib.
AP: Tell me.
CC: Let’s talk about ball-cock-tails.
AP: (laughs) Let’s talk about ball soup!
CC: Ok so we’re in uhhh…
AP: Buffalo Wild Wings
CC: …Buffalo Wild Wings. And our dads, our dads for this trip, Danny and Ace, weren’t there, so they look over us and baby sit.
(Pearce and Cabana trying hard to keep it together)
AP: Where’s Punk? Punk!
CC: …We’re pretty bored and its getting pretty lame and we’re trying to make our own action (Pearce continues to call for CM Punk). (To Pearce) He’s over there.
AP: Fag.
CC: …So we got these Styrofoam cups right? And I poke out the bottom and then I proceed to, hey check this out (Cabana goes through the motions of putting an imaginary cup over his crotch). I take my nuts out of my fucking zipper, and I stick it under through the bottom of the cup and they’re sticking out right…
AP: Imagine a cup with nuts.
CC: With nuts. (All laugh) And they kinda just rest in it right.
AP: With the straw.
CC: Then we take the straw and we put it in there, and we offered it to many people.
AP: Yeah we offered like, “Ma’am, would you like some ball-cock-tail?”
CC: And we start stirring it around with the fucking…
AP: Yeah, we had an umbrella and shit in there too.
(All laugh)
CC: And then they’d look in there and they’d be like, “huh?” It kinda phased them. And then we, then the cops came. And we scooted out the door.
AP: And that was true.
CC: And that was ball-cock-tail.
AP: Why don’t you tell him the ultimate rib? Rookie, remember when you were a rookie?
CC: Ok so I was a rookie, and Adam Pearce, I was putting him over, but now….
RD: He was putting you over.
AP: I don’t know why,
CC: …He said, welcome to the business, Colt Cabana. And Danny and Ace, uh, stuffed my jacket…
AP: And it was cold as hell wasn’t it, like twenty degrees?t
CC: Yeah, they stuffed my jacket with toilet paper and I was like, “Hahaha”. And then, I put my arm through the jacket and out comes Pearce’s which was filled with shit stains.
(Pearce, Vanderpyle, and I start cracking up)
AP: Yep, I wiped my ass and I put it in his jacket.
CC: And he put it in my jacket. And that was Colt Cabana, welcome to wrestling.
AP: All out of love, all out of love. You never got me back for that either, why?
CC: No.
AP: I got the bingo balls but…
RD: Bingo Balls?
AP: I-21
CC: Bingo.
RD: What’s the deal with the bingo balls?
CC: We were working for uh….Tony Pajamas…
AP: Uh…Tony Pajamas, yeah…APW-LA.
RD: Ah, Henry Luna.
AP: Him too. And Cabana walks up to me and I haven’t seen him in a while and he says, “I-21” and walks away. I’m like, “What the fuck?”. Next time I see him, I say, “What are you talking about?” “B-7”. And I’m like, “What?” I said “What the fuck’s going on?” and so I look at my bag and there’s like six thousand bingo balls stuffed in my bag. And he goes, “N-29, BINGO!” Fuckin asshole.
Vanderpyle: Hey, hatchie pitachie. It’s all about hatchie pitatchie.
AP: Hey man, do you wanna go eat?
CC: Yeah, I gotta finish up my interview.
RD: I only got a few more questions. (To Pearce)Hey, you messed with one of my other interviews before, it was good times though, when I was interviewing Daniels.
CC: He was putting you over for how much you mess up interviews.
AP: Which question are we on?
(At this point, Adam Pearce takes my notebook and starts browsing through my questions)
RD: I think we’re on the “what’s the ultimate dream” question.
CC: (Studying my journal with Pearce) No, I think it was before that.
RD: Ahh ok, my bad.
CC: I was in the middle of one. Let’s see, “if you could work anyone”, we got that.
RD: Yeah, I think we’re at-
Big Man: (From across the arena) Hey Cabana, come over here and get your shit or I’m giving it away.
Vanderpyle: I’ll get it, I got it.
CC: Alright, I’m sending my lackey.
BM: Pearce told me to tell you that.
CC: I’m sending my lackey.
AP: (to Big Man in his mob voice)Hey, fuck you.
BM: Why you gotta be like that now?
CC: (to the guy dressed up with his Homecoming Date) Hey, are you gonna have a Homecoming Dance? There’s a disco ball up here. (starts belting out) “MY ENDLESS LOVE!!!”
(Pearce has decided to take over as the interviewer for the time being)
AP: How do you feel about…(to me) I can’t read your writing.
RD: Alright, it’s horrible, I know.
AP: Ahh, ok, I got it. (To Colt) Ready ready?
CC: Oh fuck.
AP: How do you feel about the recent string of wrestling related deaths? Do they affect you personally, and how? (Pearce’s interviewer voice breaks)
CC: That’s not a question.
RD: Actually it is.
AP: (Searching for a different question)…Uh, how did…
CC: No, my gimmick. We’re on my gimmick.
RD: Yeah, yeah. And we’ll get to those later.
(Everyone tries to talk at once, finally Colt starts)
CC: So I’m on my gimmick – (to Pearce) Oh, are you gonna ask me it?
AP: No. (all laugh) I know how you came up with you’re gimmick.
CC: Ok, well…
AP: (to me) Do you know his original gimmick?
RD: No.
AP: Scott Flash Colton, NAWF Rookie of the Year.
CC: From Nebraska!
RD: What did you do? What was it?
CC: It was this asshole promoter, I mean Randy (didn’t catch the last name). He goes, “Hows it going to be Colt Cabana? “ He’s like, “Uhh, you’re Scott Flash Colton, NAWF Rookie of the Year from Carnie, Nebraska. And they were announcing like this big ceremony as Rookie of the Year. And uh, that was it.
AP: Remember when Randy and Ace got in a fight and fuckin Randy…
CC: Alright, I’m doing this interview.
RD: Nah dude, its ok. Its alright. There’s plenty of tape here.
CC: Remember Chris Farley when he…(Pearce and Cabana both start cracking up) Alright, so the gimmick, yeah ok. I don’t punch people hard and kick people in the face.
AP: You don’t? (In reference to their match tonight)
CC: Eh, well, I did tonight. I just want to be goofy. And one of the thing that pops in my mind is Gabe Spichofsky (whatever the hell he said), he was like, “We have too many of those guys (stiff badassses), you need to be more silly” And I was like, “Yeah! I should be.” And then I was, and it kinda took off from there and ever since there I kinda do jokes like the disappearing thumb.
AP: Yeah man, you’ve been doing that for like fuckin…
CC: Hey, I got a point I was trying to make.
AP: That guy didn’t give you your gimmick, you were doing that before.
CC: Yeah, but at a point I was trying to be all like…
AP: Serious spot-wrestler boy?
CC: It was stupid.
AP: Let me tell you my favorite Colt Cabana line? Do you remember this one? We were doing a fuckin interview in Minneapolis.
CC: My first ever, my first promo ever.
AP: …and so he says, “Colt Cabana is so cool, he can freeze vodka”. (Laughs) I loved that, I still love that.
CC: Thank you. Alright, what else do we got?
RD: I think we’re on the ultimate dream question now.
CC: The ultimate dream.
RD: Like what do you want to get out of wrestling?
CC: The American Dream, Dusty Rhodes? What do I want to get out of wrestling, ummm. I want to be able to have Adam Pearce go to Hawaii with me while I pay for it and we just sit on the beach and fuck random chicks. But he’s married, so I’ll fuck random chicks and he’ll hook me up with some more. See, he’s married, over-rated.
AP: She’s hot, my wife is hot by the way.
RD: I support that decision.
CC: So I just want money so I can retire and send my kids that I don’t have to college (all laugh) and…
AP: Are you still gonna live in Deerfield you’re whole life?
CC: No, I’m not gonna live in Deerfield. I’m gonna get a fuckin fat pad next to Oprah in Chicago.
AP: You gotta come to my pad, see how we do it.
RD: You live in San Diego right? I’m from Santee.
AP: Oh, I live in Rancho Bernardo. I just bought a house.
RD: Right on. Was your house threatened at all or anything?
AP: No, I could see the fires- (to Colt) Did you hear about the fires? I could see that shit from my balcony, I was like “Holy fuck”, I couldn’t sleep.
RD: Hey, if it makes you feel any better, it got within like 100 yards of my house.
AP: What? Did you get evacuated, I’m sure you did.
RD: We didn’t stick around. We saw it coming down the hill that my house is on and we were like, “Fuck it, we’re gone”.
AP: I work in Poway, so like the Tuesday after the fires had started, I was at work cuz we had all these people with insurance because their houses were fuckin burning down. The smoke was so thick, I work in insurance, I had to close my office at 11, I couldn’t breathe. We couldn’t even see the buildings around us. I was freaking out. Ya know what, we don’t have fuckin wildfires and shit where we’re (Colt and Pearce both from Chicago) are from. (Realizes he just went off on a tangent during Colt’s interview) I’m sorry man.
CC: Nah, its cool. I was just reading some of these questions.
RD: Now we’re on the wrestling death thing. I know that might sound kind of corny but how do you feel about all of that stuff?
CC: Well, I’m not saying how they died or anything –
AP: Drugs.
CC: But I don’t do drugs, I don’t take drugs. I take care of my body. I think it’s lifestyle choices, and with the lifestyle I have, I know I’m not gonna die anytime soon unless Adam Pearce gives me a piledriver. (Pearce laughs) Well you tried and I totally got out of it. So it really doesn’t affect me, I mean it sucks that my idols are all fuckin croaking left and right, but I have my idols, my brothers and my parents who don’t do drugs and don’t drink and shit.
AP: Speaking of idols, how is Jake Roberts not dead yet? Like out of all of em, Jake is still alive.
CC: Speaking of idols, how is that fag from American Idol not a fag?
AP: Clay Aiken?
CC: Yeah.
AP: I jerk off to him.
CC: Well, he jerks off to you, but we don’t got proof ya know.
AP: That’s true.
CC: We need proof.
AP: He’s hot.
RD: Alright…
CC: I think Ruben Studders is, RUUUU….(all laugh)
RD: You realize this is all gonna be on the internet?
CC: Good.
AP: Isn’t that the computer thing?
CC: Oh, internet eh.
AP: By the way did you notice Vanderpyle’s blonde hair?
Vanderpyle: Smooth, eh?
AP: Alright fuck it, I’ll read the questions. If you could work anyone, who would it be, what type of match, and where?
CC: Ok, I’m gonna tell you this. If you could interview anyone, would you never ask that question?
RD: Yeah I know.
CC: Because I get asked that question all the fuckin time and I don’t know. The Honky-Tonk man, in a fuckin Shake, Rattle, n Roll Match.
AP: He’s over with me.
CC: He’s over with me too.
AP: He complains about everything.
CC: Really? I complain about you spitting in my face. He was telling me about how he’s on the internet – our next questions about the internet right?
RD: (Wary of myself asking another dumb question) I know, I’m sorry.
CC: No, our next question is internet right. So he was telling me about how he’s on the internet like every day…
AP: (Resuming role of interviewer) So what are your thoughts on the internet and wrestling?
CC: Well like the Honky said, that’s his job, so has to read up on the internet on the wrestling scene. He has to read up on who’s who, who’s shit-canning who, who’s doing cool moves these days.
AP: You know who’s cool?
CC: Who’s cool?
CC & AP: Frankie Kazarian.
CC: He’s cool. So, in that part its good and the part where people spread dumb rumors, that’s stupid. But I don’t really, when people like call me a doodie-face, it doesn’t really mean anything to me ya know.
AP: I like it when people like Movie Marty (pretends to just notice Vanderpyle), oh I mean C. Edward Vanderpyle put ribs on the internet, like fuckin porn and oatmeal.
CC: I like when people put themselves over and then misspell their last names so that people don’t think its them.
AP: I don’t know who you’re talking about…(both start laughing)
RD: Alright well, this is pretty much the end of it.
CC: (starts to sing)”The end…”
RD: Actually, I have to say that this is the most entertaining interview that I have ever done. It’s been awesome. Um, is there anything you’d like to say just in clothing?
CC: Clothing?
RD: That too, in closing.
CC: Well, speaking of clothing, I have clothing available on coltcabana.com
AP: Speaking of which, you’re supposed to make me a fucking singlet, I got holes all over mine.
CC: I got fuckin “Holes’ the movie.
AP: Deepholes.com? (all laugh)
CC: See, you can use the internet. So ColtCabana.com is where you can buy all of your Colt Cabana merchandise, T-shirts, videos, and bumper stickers.
AP: Really? Where’s your new T-shirt you were gonna wear? I was thinking about getting one.
CC: Where’s your Scrap Iron Adam Pearce shirts I never got?
Vanderpyle: I’m workin on em.
CC: Yeah, and white women rule. Oh, and I’d like to talk about rats, and the lack of them in the SoCal scene.
AP: Thank you – oh wait, I’m married.
CC: Can you put this on the internet that there needs to be more hot chicks that come to shows and have sex with wrestlers. And…that will be their sole purpose for coming to wrestling shows.
AP: To fuck, err pardon me, copulate with wrestlers.
CC: And not get upset when I pass them around to an Adam Pearce or a C. Edward Vanderpyle. That’s their job, that’s what they do best.
Vanderpyle: What we need is more chicks who like fat, hairy, Half-Jewish guys with small dicks and low self-esteem coming to wrestling shows.
CC: And that my friends, is a wrap.
RD: See ya later, thank you very much guys, it’s been awesome.