By Silverback, PWG Staff Writer
Calexico, California – Facing fierce competition from the National Microwave Retailer’s Convention in Burbank, CA, Pro Wrestling Guerrilla’s (http://www.prowrestlingguerrilla.com) “An Inch Longer Than Average!” was a huge success, showing once and for all that pro-wrestling Gorillas are far more popular than Microwave Ovens. Due to this popularity, the National Microwave Retailer have offered to completely fund PWG’s next event, “Pimpin’ In High Places” Saturday, December 13, 2003 at the Westside Jewish Community Center in Los Angeles, CAPWG’s next event will feature:
Phoenix Star vs. Zokre vs. Lil’ Cholo
In a rivalry dating back to the conquest of Tenochtitlan, Phoenix Star and Zokre have actually been fighting in one form or another for centuries now! First meeting in the ring in 1519 AD during the Spanish Conquest of Mexico, Zokre emerged victorious in that encounter, which has lead to many epic battles over the last near-500 years! With the series tied 134-134, Zokre is determined to win this rubber match for the pride of the Mexican people of Spanish descent! However, channeling the spirit of Quetzacoatl, Phoenix Star has vowed victory for the pride of the Indigenous Mexican People! But wait, what of the Nuevo-Latinos? Will no one step forward to represent them? Yes! Someone will! And that someone is Lil’ Cholo, who stepped forward to fight for the rights of the common hombre! This match is no longer hot, it is now ESPICY! Who will be the victor? Archeologist, Historians, and Mexicans all over the world are clamoring to find out!
Jardi Frantz & MDogg 20 vs. Ballard Brothers (Shane & Shannon Ballard)
Much like the way the Palestinians and Israeli’s learned to put their differences aside and work for the common good, so have Jardi Frantz and MDogg 20! Due to injuries sustained to partner Josh Prohibition, MDogg 20 was without a partner coming in to “Pimpin’ In High Places,” and he needed someone good to fend off the cold, calculated, Canadian Threat brought South by the Ballard Brothers! After defeating Jardi Frantz at “An Inch Longer Than Average,” MDogg 20 commented on how Jardi would make an excellent member of the KISS Army, if only he could give up his “hippy ways.” We all know the Ballards can coexist inside a wrestling ring, but can MDogg and Jardi?
Hair vs. Hair Match: Chris Bosh vs. Excalibur
In a feud that has been brewing since PWG’s debut show, Chris Bosh and Excalibur are the macaroni noodles in a pot, nearly boiling over, threatening to spill onto the burner and fill the Westside JCC with the stench of burned food, and hatred, too!! At “An Inch Longer Than Average!”, Chris Bosh was special guest referee in Excalibur’s match, and despite promising to call it “right down the middle,” Excalibur failed to see it that way! With the pot mere seconds from boiling over, Excalibur poured in the cheese with the water still in there, by challenging Bosh to a Hair vs. Hair match! Stupid Excalibur! Everyone knows the cheese doesn’t go in till the noodles are drained, but he just couldn’t wait! Bosh! Excalibur! Macaroni! Cheese! Hair!
Aerial Express (Quicksilver & Scorpio Sky) vs. Havana Pitbulls (Ricky Reyes & Rocky Romero)
Have you ever gone on vacation, only to return home and find that young ruffians have overtaken your house, putting their feet all over your coffee table, and putting drinks on that very same coffee table without coasters? DVD’s taken out of the case and left in piles on top of the TV to collect dust, dishes and cups used and not washed, left in a festering mess in the sink? When the Pitbulls left for Mexico, they thought their house was in order, and did not expect the Aerial Express to break in and throw wild parties while the Pitbulls were away! The first step toward cleaning up their house is evicting the vagrants, and that’s exactly what the Havana Pitbulls plan to do to the AXP come December 13!
Samoa Joe vs. BJ Whitmer
After his victory at “An Inch Longer Than Average!”, Samoa Joe claimed he was going to grab a bite to eat, but little did anyone know Joe planned on traveling 3,000 miles to Japan in order to get the best American Hamburger money can buy! However, Joe’s trip was cut short when he received a phone call from fellow Independent Wrestler BJ Whitmer, claiming he (Joe) “don’t know shit” about hamburgers, and if Joe didn’t take it back, Whitmer would make him! One might question how BJ Whitmer heard Joe’s comments mere minutes after they were made, especially since the interview is on a DVD yet to be released. One might also question why two athletes of Joe & Whitmer’s calibre would be fighting over something as trvial as a Hamburger, but one would be foolish to do so!
Frankie Kazarian/CM Punk/Joey Ryan vs. Colt Cabana/Adam Pearce/Super Dragon
In 1812 when Napoleon invaded Russia, he never expected to set foot in Moscow, but brought along and impressive army just in case. Along the road to Moscow, there was terrible fighting, villages were razed, and many lives were lost. While no villages have been razed in this Franco-Russian invasion led by Adam Pearce, everything else has taken place, and more! At first, Pearce was intent on weakening Frankie Kazarian with the help of his allies Colt Cabana, CM Punk and Super Dragon! A vicious beating seemed to be in order, however, CM Punk is a champion not of PWG, but of the downtrodden and drug free, and could not participate in the desecration of the drug-free PWG Championship! Fighting along Kazarian & Punk’s side is “The Technical Wizard” Joey Ryan, who will repel the invaders with his patented “dark arts of the mat!” With the brute force of Cabana/Pearce/Dragon prevail, or will the flash and substance of Kazarian/Punk/Ryan be too much of a Siberian Winter Adventure for these unscrupulous French invaders?!
“Pimpin’ In High Places” takes place Saturday, December 13, 2003, at the Westside Jewish Community Center, at 8:00PM. The Westside Jewish Community Center is located at 5870 West Olympic Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90036. Tickets are $18, available online at http://www.prowrestlingguerrilla.com, at the Alternative Wrestling Shop, or by mail (PWG Tickets, PO Box 1527, Temple City, CA 91780. Certified checks or money orders only, please.) For more information, please visit http://www.prowrestlingguerrilla.com or email info@prowrestlingguerrilla.com.
