Doc Marllee and Big Schwag open the show. The on-screen graphics look better than the previous shows. Schwag admits the shows have had bad production. This weeks episode is called “The Story So Far” and is supposed to bring new fans up to speed with what has happened in UPW in the past year.
The first series of recaps is of the UPW Heavyweight Title. The graphic they used to introduce the clips was a big improvement over past shows. The first clip is of Samoa Joe destroying Mr. Right and Supa Badd. Seeing Supa Badd get destroyed is always fun. Ref Aaron Hasson comes in to check on Mr. Right. Is Mr. Right hurt? Right fights back and Joe puts on some loose and non threatening looking submission. The next clip shown is an angle with Joe and Christopher Daniels setting up a “loser leaves UPW” match. They use some stupid camera angle that is like 50 feet away from the ring. The camerawork sucks this week too, it actually cuts off Daniels’ head while he’s talking. The show cuts to another clip, this time of Daniels backstage. There is this hilarious camcorder time stamp on the screen throughout the interview. The battery is half out! Nice one UPW! At least it’s taping in SP this time unlike the RVD-Daniels match from the last show. The camera during this is making all kinds of noise like it’s being filmed outside during a hurricane. I guess someone forgot to put the sock over the camera mic. The show then cuts to its first commercial.
Samoa Joe vs “Fallen Angel” Christopher Daniels
This match is for the UPW Heavyweight Title, and is also a Loser Leaves UPW Match. Only highlights are shown. Very bad editing from one clip to another. It looks like it was done with two old VCR’s using the pause & record button. Daniels hits the Angels Wings but Marty the Booker Ref had previously taken a “bump” so he can’t make the count. Mikey Henderson comes out and counts 3 making Daniels think he won the title. Joe then delivers a SHOOT KICK! and the Island Driver for the win. Daniels cuts a promo after the match thanking the fans. More bad camerawork here as the camera zooms in and out with no purpose, including zooming in on Daniels bald spot. Another noteworthy observation is that the audio is now out of synch like every past UPW show. So UPW production did what for the past three weeks the show didn’t air? They cut to a backstage promo with Joe which is horribly out of synch. Joe has a hilarious line about defending his title against the best in the world, then mentions Tommy Dreamer and Sean O’ Haire. A commercial airs for Bosley Medical hair restoration. Must be a sponsor for someone in UPW. Another commercial airs, this time for Knight Rider! That Kit is a shooter.
An anti drug commercial airs and the show returns with Doc & Schwag standing in front of a Chronic 2000 poster. The next video package is on the UPW Shootfighting Title. I can’t even say the name of that belt without laughing.
Michael Modest, Donovan Morgan, & Tony Jones w/Roland Alexander vs “Smooth” Billy D, Frankie Kazarian, and “Outlaw” Mike Knox w/assorted UPW chicks
Roland cuts some horrible promo and I hit the mute button. He was probably talking about what he was going to order at Denny’s after the show. I’m seriously surprised Roland even fit in the frame of the camera. The audio is even more out of synch in this match. Billy D gives Morgan a spinebuster and the sound of him hitting the canvas comes about 2 full seconds after impact. Like the previous match, only short clips are shown. Kazarian gets hit with a chair supposedly but the camera misses the shot. Jones beats Kazarian with his “Holy Shoot” submission. So Jones wins the Shootfight Title in a 6-man tag. Ok, moving on.
“Shooter” Tony Jones vs King Faviano
I get all excited because King Favi is on my TV, and then he gets squashed in 40 seconds. FUCK YOU UPW! Only a few clips of this are shown, all of Jones on the offense. Jones throws two extremely sloppy suplexes dropping Favi right on his head. Glad to see Jones cares about the welfare of the guys he’s in the ring with. I guess that makes him a “shooter.” Jones wins with the “Holy Shoot.”
“Shooter” Tony Jones vs “Big Time” Tom Howard
Jon Ian in his hilarious white jacket tells us that this match will be held under “shootfight” rules. Oh, this ought be good. This match is clipped to hell. For being a “shootfight” they only show about 2 seconds of matwork. Howard gets the win with a Blockbuster. Yes you read that right. Howard wins a “shoot match” with a fucking Blockbuster. Unbelievable. You would think that in a worked shoot, the finish would at least come by submission right? I guess not in UPW. Howard cuts a promo and is promptly cut off for a commercial break.
The show returns and the hosts plug the 10/23 El Rey Theater show. Schwag makes more bad jokes. For those keeping score at home he’s less obnoxious this week than the previous two shows. The next video package is a recap of the UPW Tag Team Titles. A Big Schwag promo is shown. The camera is all over the place for this. Schwag is wearing his vest with the tire tracks on it. He is very fashionable. Bassman comes out and says Schwag has the power to do anything he wants. Thankfully Bassman walks to the back after delivering only one line. Amazing. Schwag “fires” the Ballard Brothers and strips them of the UPW Tag Team Titles. He then calls them “mofo’s.” What a playa hata that Schwag is!
The Ballard Brothers vs Definition of Pain
Only highlights are shown, which I am thankful for as it cuts down the pain of seeing Bad Boy Basil in the ring. Ballards win with the Double Minor.
The Ballard Brothers vs The Ultimate Army (Nathan Jones & John Heidenrich)
Again, only highlights, which again is a very good idea. A camera crane veers into the picture during the match. Jones does a bunch of big guy power moves. Wow, I really miss Jones, it’s a shame he’s stuck in Australia. The Ballards quickly dispose of Jones faster than it took Koji Kitao to dispose of him in Pride 1. The Ballards then pin Heidenrich after a double team.
Hardkore Kidd & Nova w/El Jefe vs The Ultimate Army (Smelly & Keiji Sakoda)
Only Highlights shown. Why is there two tag teams in UPW with the same name? Nova does a bunch of stupid over choreographed shit. HKK & Nova win with Total Elimination, as Doc shrieks.
Hardkore Kidd & Nova w/El Jefe vs Los Cubanitos
Only short clips are shown. HKK & Nova win with Total Elimination. HKK cuts a promo after the match and dumps Nova as his partner. Angle doesn’t make any sense.
Hardkore Inc. (Hardkore Kidd & Adam Pearce) w/El Jefe vs Evolution (Frankie Kazarian & Nova) w/Looney Lane
Only short clips of this are shown as well. Kazarian pins Pearce after a Tornado DDT. The show cuts to a commercial for the Boys Town Hotline, one of the boys in it I swear is Lil’ Cholo. He pushes some kid and makes him sad. The show returns with an Evolution interview with Nurse Cassie. Thank God they cut out before she can talk.
Evolution (Frankie Kazarian & Nova) w/Looney Lane vs The Ballard Brothers w/Melissa
This is the final for the vacant UPW Tag Team Titles. I’ve come to the conclusion that Looney Lane has ADD, as well as a small head. Yep. I was hoping this would be shown in full but it was clipped too. It looked good from what was shown. Kazarian pins Shane Ballard after a Tornado DDT to win the Titles. They cut to a promo of a very smug Evolution in the back. Nova cuts a bad promo about them being the best tag team to come along in 30 years. Yeah Nova, you’re right up there with the British Bulldogs and Funks. I really wish Frankie would stick to singles competition, because after all these years, Nova is still only about doing as many flashy retarded spots as possible in a five minute match. Evolution concludes with a corny catch phrase and flashing their best Guy Mezger smiles.
The show cuts to two awesome commercials. The first is for the Hoveround motorized cart. It can pull a 2 ton truck, AND drive to the Grand Canyon! Next is a commercial for 1-800-We-Are-18. Best commercial ever. The show returns back to the hosts. A UPW Top 10 Rankings segment is shown. They show the hilarious SUV Evolution picture from upw.com. After the rankings the show wraps up. Overall, I thought the effort was there this week and it was a good idea to do recaps for the new UPW fans. The production however, to quote someone from a recent show, “ate a dick.” It amazes me how the show goes off the air for 3 weeks and the production is still the same. Like how hard is it to get the audio in synch? The overall editing really sucked. There were multiple times when there was a cameraman right in front wrestlers entering the ring. Obvious logic asks the question, if there is a camera in front of the shot, then why the fuck aren’t you using that camera angle instead of a wide one? It doesn’t make any sense. The tape quality still looked like some 3rd generation SLP copy onto a cheap generic blank tape. I’m sure it will be the same shitty quality next week so hopefully good matches are shown to make up for it.