So I guess I should make a return to the site I helped BUILD. Yes motherfucker, I’m the man around here. Steve takes credit for my work, oh yeah, the truth is out now, sucka! See, for MONTHS Hill and Steve “I steal content from Ranmal and make it my own, so I can become a famous gay porn star” Bryant have been doing this schtick since their famous Sabu.com deal. Oh yes, these are the two sick fucks behind Sabu.com. You can e-mail them at.
I want all you Ranmal fans out there (all 3 of you – THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT, MA!) to mail bomb these fucking idiots. Fucking send them gay porn or something. If possible, SPAM their e-mails so bad that. that. THEY HAVE TO DISABLE THEIR ACCOUNTS! KILL THEM! NOW! I AM CHRIST, AND YOU ARE MY PEASANT! DO AS I SAY, GODDAMNIT! NOW! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Okay, now that I let that out, I have nothing to talk about. May sucks, totally. I mean, other than Cinco De Mayo, it’s been dead for wrestling. Yes motherfucker, I saw wrestling on Cinco De Mayo. Oh wait. I’M GETTING AN INSTANT MESSAGE!
Steve: man the board has been dead lately
RANMAL: should i make a return?
Steve: up to you
Steve: i may do an fmw dvd review just to put something on there
YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST, FOLKS! AN FMW TAPE REVIEW ON SOCAL UNCENSORED! NEVER MIND WE’RE SUPPOSED TO COVER SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA WRESTLING, OH NO, WE’RE GOING GLOBAL WITH THIS MUTHAFUCKA! GHETTO FABULOUS, NIGGA, GHETTTTTTTTTTO!
Seeing as Steve is desperate for content, I’ll do something fun. So he won’t post it, and say it accidently got “lost” when he was checking his e-mail. RHETORICAL QUESTIONS!
Yes, ma’am, this is where I act cool, and ask stupid questions that are supposed to be funny! LET’S BEGIN, SHALL WE?!
Why is Lonnie so gay?
Why is Steve renting BEACHES every 5 days?
Why doesn’t Big Schwag just do us a favor, and eat Rick Bassman? GET IN MY BELLY!
Why does MPW seem ghetto as fuck?
Who exactly IS Bernard Milken?
And why the fuck does he have a community center named after him?
Did Steve eat the tacos when he was in TJ?
If so, did he have the runs, Dumb And Dumber style?
Why does Samoa Joe claim to be Samoan, when in reality, he’s a brotha?
When will Rob Black change his shoes?
Why does Kris Kloss look coked out on XPW TV?
Why did [Kid] Kaos change his name to Kaos?
Is it like what Prince did with his thing with Warner Brothers?
Why are you still reading this?
What happened to McCord?
What happened to my erection?
Isn’t it funny how Hill STILL hasn’t written anything based on SoCal Wrestling?
Why does Bryant have to STEAL my news, yes STEAL, for his “Views”?
Wouldn’t it be cool if we had “SCU’s THE VIEW”?
Or how about gay porn?
Why is the SCU Chat Room so gay?
WHY THE FUCK IS RANMAL NOT AN OP?
I think Ranmal brings hits, and should be given OP Status in the room. Don’t you?
Am I NOT Christ?
I hate dubbing tapes – don’t you?
What the fuck is a juggalo?
And why do they seem to be idiots with “Violence” and “XPW” in their names?
Why is The Professor so fucking gay?
I think McCord can kick The Professor’s ass – don’t you?
Why am I wearing no underwear?
Are Hill and Bryant gay lovers?
Why doesn’t The Messiah get off the juice?
Ever play Fire Pro D?
Why is Snoop Dogg such a scary motherfucker?
If Jennifer Lopez farted in your face, would you love it?
I know I would, how about you?
Isn’t Anna KorunIWannaFuckRanmalSoBadIPeeMyBedkova hot?
Isn’t Ranmal Christ?
Why is Nate Dogg still a Dogg Pound Nigga, and why won’t he give it up?
Isn’t Trina the baddest bitch?
Will you suck my cock?
What’s an “Ass Tat”?
And once again, why won’t Schwag EAT Bassman? GET IN MY BELLY!
Well, that completes TWO PAGES (I’m using WORD, dick) of questions. Should I keep going?
Yeah, you’re right – I shouldn’t.
Did I ever tell you that I love you?
Wait, there I go with the questions again.
But wait, look!
I’M DOING THIS!
AM I GOD, OR WHAT?
FUCK, ANOTHER QUESTION!
PLEASE! WILL I EVER LEARN?
ANOTHER FUCKING QUESTION! WILL YOU PLEASE KILL ME?
NOT ANOTHER QUESTION!
I LOVE YOU!
I LOVE YOU!
This is page 6. And you’re still reading this. God loves you. See, because I’m Christ that makes me GOD, so that means I LOVE YOU!
7 DEGRESS OF KEVIN BACON!
Oh yeah, wrestling sucks. There’s the wrestling part of this column. YOU HAVE TO POST IT NOW, BRYANT! I FOOLED YOU! HEHEE!
On my way, I’m leaving you with a quote from Trina’s “The Baddest Bitch”.
I got game for young hoes
Don’t grow to be a dumb hoe, that’s a no-no
See if you off the chains
Stay ahead of the game, save up buy a condo
Sell the pussy by the grands
And in months you own a Benz
Another week a set of rims
See if I had the chance to be a virgin again
I’d be fucking by the time I’m ten
See off glass is my motto
Dick suckin in the auto
Quick fuckin ’bout to follow
On the back of the truck
Or when I’m dead ass drunk
But I don’t get high though
I never took it up the ass
Often tried but I pass
And from what I heard it ain’t bad
I’m a curious bitch who took off to get broke off
From the baby’s dad
Cause I’m da baddest bitch
I love her, damnit.
Flapping Phoenix Ranmal
REV may be a Reverand, but I’m Christ.