Planes, Trains and Automobiles report PART TWO:
Cruise Control! The 2004 Revolution J edition
By Paul “Mayfield” Newberry
I left The Newberry Mansion at about 1:10 PM. I start
cruisin down the street in my six-fo` jockin the
bitches, slappin the hoes… that is until I arrived at
the world famous FRANK and SON’S (Note: to the other
reviewers, it’s not “Sons” plural… it’s “Son’s”
possessive sucka!) Collectable Showcase, for a day of
Indy wrestling action. The typically horrid F&S
parking lot was even worst than usual, so it takes
me awhile to locate a spot. I see an empty spot, but
then some jerk moves in on it like it was the holy
freaking grail or something. I was tempted to get out
of the car and stick his Magic Cards up his ass… but I
decided against it… because that would mean I’d
actually have to view said person’s large gas filled
ass… thankfully, I was able to go a few hours with
viewing a large person’s behind (keep reading for that
exciting story…)
Anyway, I walk in… and much to my shock, the final
installment of SoCal’s premier wrestling tournament
only has 20 people in attendance! Come on people! As I
silently curse SoCal for not knowing what they have
here… I sit down and prepare to enjoy The J. I’m a
huge fan of tourneys, and was at the previous 2 Rev J’s
and found them highly entertaining.
Ok then the show starts… and I actually count about 50
people in attendance (though the crowd grew as the
show progressed)
Oh before I get started, let me introduce you to the
rating system I’ll be using. I like to call it the
Joey Harder rating system, which goes:
Soft = Bad
Not so hard: OK, it has moments but is flawed for
whatever reason.
Hard = Good
Rock Hard = Very good
JOEY HARDER = Great
Note: There were alot of matches and my memory isn’t
that great for anything that doesn’t star Jim Varney,
so I’ll keep it somewhat short:
First Round
Scorpio Sky Vs. Scott Lost
Thoughts: Two of my favorites here, and they
didn’t let me down. Great fast paced action from bell
to bell. Really too much good stuff to call, but they
Both hit a lot of their standard stuff and break out
alot of neat backbreaker type knee moves (the knee is
the new “pump handle” I’m guessing) In the end Sky
makes Lost tap to the dreaded triangle choke.
Afterward, Sky stands in the aisle way and holds up 4
fingers… My god could he be in collusion with the Four
HORSEMEN! Oh wait then he puts one finger down… Holy
cow! Now he’s joining The Triple Threat!
Well, either that or he only has 3 more matches left
to go.
Rating: Rock Hard
Jason Styles Vs. Wild Storm
Thoughts: Jason Styles comes out a very manly
song in Motley Crue’s “Girls, Girls, Girls” but then
is announced as being from San Francisco! Which got a
big time “Homo” chant. Then Styles breaks out the over
the top gay mannerisms, which he seemed to know a
little too well… if you know what I mean. Err anyway
the match was OK, Storm did some lucha type stuff and
Styles… just looked kind of gay. I was actually kinda
bored while watching this, so I looked at my Rev J
flyer and thought to myself, “Wow, take Jason Styles..
put the A before the J and drop the “son” and I’m
watching AJ STYLES!”
In the end (maybe not a good choice words when
speaking of Styles) Styles hits what looked like a
Canadian Destroyer and gets the victory.
Rating: Not so Hard.
Super Dragon Vs. Dante
Thoughts: I was looking forward to this one, as
Dante impressed me at AWS. Plus seeing the “Wrestlers
of the Year” of their respective half’s of California
should be very interesting. In the first half of the
match, SD didn’t let Dante get in any offense. But
later on Dante takes to the air and flies around,
hitting a tornado DDT, The Chaos Theory, and a nice
standing shooting star press. But it was all in vein,
as SD finishes him off him a top rope double stomp to
the head.
Rating: Hard, though I’m blanking on a lot of
details. I remember really digging this
one
UK Kid Vs. Disco Machine
Thoughts: Disco comes out, and does his
standard dancing (which is always cool) then… enter my
new favorite heel in SoCal (since Adam Pearce has
dropped off the radar in feds I actually follow) the
UK Kid! Kid got a huge amount of heel heat. He bashes
the crowd, then threatens to leave and exchanges words
with F&S regular Bobby Hill (Fun Fact: a name given to
him by Frankie Kazarian at a PCW show in April 2003,
“Shut up Bobby Hill”. Man even when he’s not here, that
Frankie Kazarian’s coolness is still felt) As for the
match itself, I thought it was a lot of fun. I’m
seriously blanking on details but I remember at one
point, UK Kid puts on a Disco Machine mask and stands
over him, dancing! That’s comedy my friends! Later
Disco plants the Disco Bomb (same move that put Spanky
down in Rev J 2001) but the Kid kicks out. UK Kid goes
up to the top turnbuckle, but Disco catches him… and climps up with him,
but UK Kid blocks it, and somehow turns it into a sick
2nd rope tombstone!!! (where did that one come from?)
and gets the pinfall on the RevPro vet.
Rating: Hard, very entertaining match.
Chris Boshberry Vs. Hook Bomberry
Thoughts: Another match I was really looking
forward to seeing, as Bomberry is great and Bosh has
really become totally awesome in a matter of months.
This one didn’t disappoint either. Start off with some
very loud chops, Then Hook Bomberry seemingly turns
into LUCHA HOOK~! And starts busting out rana’s and
other lucha spots. Wow… I’ve never seen him do that.
More good stuff follows… and Bosh hits some sort of
bridge to get the hard fought victory. I’d really like
to see a longer rematch one day…
Rating: Rock Hard, my 2nd favorite match of the
show.
Joey Harder Vs. Hijo de Chupacabra
Thoughts: I’m sure, those of the elder
generation remember where they were when they first
layed eyes on the likes of Elvis, The Beatles, Wayne
Newton, Cassius Clay, four of The Jackson kids and
Michael Jordan for the first time. They just knew they
were witnessing greatness and true history in the
making. Well, October 16th 2004, those lucky enough to
be at Revolution J also witnessed the dawning of a
legend of our times… and that man is Harder, Joey
Harder.
When he first came out, I heard the tones of RUSH’s
“Tom Sawyer” playing, and thought to myself “Hooray,
it’s that one Von Erich that didn’t kill himself!” but
through the curtain stepped, a young man making his
SoCal debut by the name of Joey Harder. Then entered,
Hijo de Chupacabra (out of the CALIFA promotion in
NoCal) a little guy with a mask on. That the fans
seemed to like…
As for the match, honestly, I was so in awe of the
spectacle that was Joey Harder that I lost my train of
thought. But I do remember seeing some good stuff in
this contest. Including H.D.C. hitting Sliced Bread #2
on Harder, but Harder kicking out like a true
champion. I forget how but Harder pinned Chupacabra.
And advanced to the next round…
Rating: Joey Harder
Quicksilver Vs. Human Tornado
Thoughts: Starts off with a bang, as Silver is
walking around the ring posing to the crowd, Tornado
does a truly amazing somersault dive on to Silver!
(one of the first times I’ve ever seen him really
connect with that) and then they start fight around
ringside and Tornado uses the most feared foreign
object of all time… a Bottle of Sprite! Obey your
thirst indeed. A lot of other fun stuff in this match,
but I’m not remembering at the moment. Quicksilver
finishes off SoCal’s hugely popular P.I.M.P. with a
pile driver and advances.
Rating: ROCK Hard. I liked this one a lot, one
of my favorites of the night.
JJ Perez Vs. Dana Lee
Thoughts: Disturbed’s “Prayer” hits and I’m
like “Damn Right! The MESSIAH is here!” Then some Adam
Sandler looking guy hits the ring, and we’re told it’s
“Double J” JJ Perez. OK, my first time seeing him, but
I’ve heard good things about him. Then “Kung Fu
Fighting” hits, and out comes Dana Lee before the song
really kicks, acting all serious. UNWRITTEN
RULE: If you use a wacky theme song. Don’t act all
serious while entering! Blows the effect.
OK anyway I’d never seen either of these guys before,
and frankly I thought JJ looked good and Dana did some
OK flips n’ kicks. But overall it didn’t work for me
for some reason. Maybe it was an off night perhaps… JJ
wins somehow… I don’t remember… but I do however
remember the Alamo if that counts for
anything.
Rating: Not so hard.
End of Round One. I have to say that was probably
one of the best Rev J opening rounds yet.
2nd Round:
Scorpio Sky Vs. Jason Styles
Thoughts: OY VAY, Jason Styles went from just
standard Freddy Mercury gay, right past Elton John and
right to FLAMING “Rob Feinstein/Harvey Fierstein”
prefered costumer at the Blue Öyster GAY as he entered
with a feather boa on (also props to the guy sitting
next to Bobby Hill in the front row who kept waving at
Styles. That made me laugh, unlike a few Robin
Williams movies I’ve seen… save for Popeye) Fairly
short match with Sky hitting the Final Answer and then
forcing Styles to tap out.
Note to RevPro: Next show, Styles Vs. Angel, West
Hollywood street fight… book it.
Honestly
Styles did play his part pretty well, really got the
crowd going…
Rating: Not so hard.. really too
short.
Super Dragon Vs. UK Kid
Thoughts: This one was originally set for PWG’s
The Next Show, but was later changed to UK Kid Vs.
American Dragon, which allowed us to witness Super
Dragon Vs. Chris Hero One.
SD enters and gets right in Bobby Hill’s face; I was
half expecting Hank Hill, Boomhower and his neighbor
Kahn Souphanousinphone Sr. to jump in here.
On the match, another highly entertaining affair with
UK Kid heeling it up, and SD beating him up. I don’t
recall many details other than UK Kid shouting to the
crowd “Where’s your Super Dragon now?” (Reminded me of
that classic WWF SNME Hulk Hogan Vs. Bad News Brown
match where Bad News was like “Look at your hero now!
It’s ghetto blaster time fool” but Hogan ducks it and
is able to put BNB away) UK Kid tries for another
super tombstone but SD blocks it with a super
underhook suplex. Later the Psycho Driver finishes it.
Afterward they announced “moving on the next round to
face Scorpio Sky” getting me all pumped for what’s
sure to be an awesome match.
Rating: Hard
Joey Harder Vs. Chris Bosh
Thoughts: Joey Harder entered, and at least 4
women fainted. Then Bosh comes out and I’m looking
forward to what should be a great match. But Bosh
announces something about being too injured from last
weeks’ incredible Scott Lost/Chris Bosh Vs. SD/B-Boy –
PWG match. Forfeits his spot and gives Harder a bye in
the next round.
But I know the truth; Bosh was just ducking Harder,
because he’s too scared of losing to wrestling’s
newest demi god.
Rating: Joey Harder.
Quicksilver Vs. JJ Perez
Thoughts: Really short match with Quicksilver
getting a quick win with a small package. And it then
appeared to me that they were trying to kill time for
some reason.
Rating: N/A too short
End of round two: Some good stuff like UK Kid-SD
but overall I’d say the worst RevJ 2nd round
ever.
INTERMISSION TIME! They set up the cage. I spot
The US Navy’s own Bobby Quance in the crowd. And think
of how awesome it would have been in he were in the
tourney.
Steel Cage Match for the Revolution Pro Tag Team
Championships
Los Sanchos (American Wild Child & Angel) Vs. Big E.
Biggz & Lonestar
Thoughts: Good enough match, Angel starts it
off with a huge cross body off the top of the cage.
Then it all becomes a blur of chairshots and Biggie
Biggs’ bigg ass. Mid match some Asian women dressed in
yellow runs in and does something (Am I an expert
analyst or what?) later on finally the team of AWC and
Angel get the victory after a wrestling move of some
sort.
Then afterward, AWC (RevPro’s owner for anyone who
doesn’t know) announces his retirement and the end of
Revolution Pro. Then he really puts over SoCal and I
THINK announces RevPro’s final show Nov. 21 in
Hollywood. Nice promo…
Rating: Hard
Then I’m all set for what should be an amazing
Super Dragon Vs. Scorpio Sky match, when it’s
announced that the finals would be an elimination 4-way.
Oh WTF? RevJ is always 4 rounds, Heck they even
announced SD Vs. Sky, Earlier Sky has holding up 4 not
3 fingers, Maybe they were rushed by Frank & Sons? Because
during the match I hear over in the F&S collectable
show portion some guy over the PA guy telling people
to get out and later “perhaps he was not making himself
clear.. get out” or something… whoever that was.. shut
up yo mouth bitch, I’m watching Joey Harder over.
here
Whatever the story is, I demand Michael Moore do a
documentary about it.
Finals
Scorpio Sky Vs. Quicksilver Vs. Super Dragon Vs.
Joey Harder
Thoughts: SD enters, then Sky, Silver, then the
hour of the hour, too sweet to be sour, JOEY HARDER
enters and gets a thunderous pop and a loud chant of
“Harder, Harder, Harder” And it was clear that a new
force in the world of wrestling had arrived, and that
force was HARDER Baby.
On the match: Almost like an AXP Vs. Super Harder tag
match for the first part. Freaking hilarious part
where SD curb stomps Silver and Harder looks on
approvingly. And then Joey tries it himself and curb
stomps Silver to a huge pop. PROVING THAT ANYTHING
THAT IS WORTH DOING IS WORTH DOING HARDER! SD seems
amused with his new sidekick, later SD does the
Violence Party and Harder then mimics him. Could we be
seeing the beginning of the next great tag team? Well.
No, as that bastard Super Dragon must have been jealous
of Harder’s new found popularity and betrays him! Then
plants our Hero with a sick Super Natural Driver and
finally puts the brave Joey Harder away. Harder may
have lost the tournament… but he ended up winning our
hearts. Harder 10/16 Never Forget
Though it seemed that eliminating his ally, Joseph F’N
Harder spelt the beginning of the end for Super Dragon
(who’s been a finalist in all four Revolution Js) even
after hitting an amazing tope con HELLO (!) in to the
crowd, and breaking out an old favorite in the Top
Rope Blue Thunder Bomb. The numbers were still too
much to overcome as he falls to a nice 450 splash at
the hands of Sky.
And then… there were two. The long time friends and
partners had to go thru each other in order to realize
their dream of winning the J. After a good series of
exchanges, Sky attempts a top rope reverse rana but
ends up sending them both crashing hard (but not
Harder) to the floor. When they recovered, Sky was
able to pin Silver and win, the 4th and final
Revolution J.
Afterward, Sky tries to shake Quicksilver’s hand but
is met with a slap upside the head. Several people
then enter the ring and cooler heads prevail. Maybe a
final Quicksilver Vs. Scorpio Sky showdown at RevPro’s
finale?
Rating: Joey Harder, Very entertaining match.
Congrats to Scorpio Sky, he really deserved this one.
Overall: Some really good stuff here.
Bosh Vs. Bomberry, Tornado Vs. Quicksilver, Lost Vs.
Sky, SD’s stuff, UK Kid’s hilarious antics, and of
course the admergence of the 2004 Rookie of the Year,
Joey Harder. Heck, even at it’s worst the show was
still very solid.
But sadly I’d also call this the worst Rev J to date.
They just didn’t make the Tournament seem special like
they did in past years. No opening group entrances, no
streamers for the finals like they did in previous
installments. Plus it seemed very rushed, Bosh
forfeiting, JJ-Silver ending so quick, the bizarre
choice of a 4-way final. A whole host of other things.
Yeah it was a good show… but with a little more work
it could have been a great show.
PTA Breakdown:
Best Matches: 4-way final, Bosh Vs. Bomberry, Sky Vs.
Lost
Spot of the show: UK Kid Tombstones Disco Machine off
the turnbuckle
Breakout star of the show: Your Daddy, Joey Harder.
(NOTE TO PWG, AWS, UPW, WWE, All Japan, ZERO ONE,
NJPW-USA, CZW, ROH, 3PW, IWA:MS Book Joey Harder… now.
The dude is money
I didn’t need to see that moment of the show: Angel
pulling Biggie Biggz pants down.
Gayest looking wrestler on the show: Jason Styles
(Sorry Angel, try HARDER next time)
Anyway, I pick up some flyers, walk to the car and
drive home… blah blah blah do you really care?
Thanks for reading the historic 2nd Edition of the
PLANES, TRAINS and AUTOMOBILES Report. Look for more
of these, along with my usual PWG Previews in the
coming weeks and months.
