I’m suffering from a very serious condition known as Writer’s Block. I can’t come up with a decent introduction for this review.
Damian Smith vs. fake-Russian Sasha Darevko
The fake-Russian douche entered the ring without fake-Russian Lou Diamond Philips. Fake-Russian douche kicked Damian Smith in the dick before the match started as the referee had his back turned. Smith kept selling his balls being in pain and hit some decent looking German Suplexes. Fake-Russian douche did RESTHOLDS and hit a shitty looking Curb Stomp on Smith. Seriously, fake-Russian douche’s version of the Curb Stomp fucking sucks elephant dicks. Fake-Russian won. He needs to get gear that’s not too small for him. Nobody needs to see his ass cheeks hanging out.
Backstage after a commercial, Toasterdork Grant interviews Scorpio Sky. Grant really hurt this promo for Sky, as his energy overshadowed Scorpio Sky’s. They talked about Sky knocking Peter out. Sky did a good job in the promo and came across well. Grant should’ve been more somber and toned down when talking about Avalon since he’s the top babyface in the company. Instead he sorta took away from Sky’s personality.
United Wrestling Network Tag Team Title 4-Way Qualifier Match: The Classic Connection (Buddy Royal & Levi Shapiro) vs. The Riegel Twins (Sterling & Logan)
Doing guest commentary for this match is The Hobo. Jervis Cottonbelly is also at ringside but not on commentary. He’s just growling like a retarded sissy. The Riegel Twins are twins who did backflips during their ring entrance. They’re like the Young Bucks before the Young Bucks developed charisma. These guys were pretty impressive. Sterling hit a nice Tope Con Giro, and Logan hit a nice moonsault off the top rope to the outside that the fans really enjoyed. Logan appeared to have hurt his knee on the dive, and the Classic Connection worked over Sterling as the referees checked on Logan. Classic Connection won, and the crowd didn’t give two shits.
Post match shenanigans: the Friendship Express and the Classic Connection started bickering as the show went to a commercial break.
The Friendship Express (Jervis Cottonbelly & The Hobo) vs. The Classic Connection (Buddy Royal & Levi Shaprio)
This match was joined in progress after a commercial break. The referees and some officials were checking on the injured Logan Riegel on the outside. The match was pretty boring. Lots of basic shit. It was pretty obvious that CWFH piped in crowd noise. The Classic Connection won, and the fans gave 0 fucks. Sucks that the Riegel Twins didn’t get a better showcase. They were impressive with the short amount of TV time they had. The Friendship Express vs. Classic Connection was pretty whack as fuck. I smoked a pretty fat blunt before watching this episode and my high was killed. Seriously. I never get susquehanna shit, so for this to ruin my high really said a lot about how boring it fucking was.
James Morgan vs. Jarek 1:20 (w/ Tyler Bateman)
This match was set up after Morgan distracted Jarek 1:20 in a match against Mike Camden, causing him to lose to a basic ass backslide. Tyler Bateman was on commentary. Morgan and Jarek had a really weal opening exchange. Morgan worked over Jarek outside the ring for awhile. Morgan won with a Crossface Chicken wing. Nothing exciting in this match.
Post match shenanigans: Morgan holds onto the Crossface Chickenwing after the bell, and is disqualified. Tyler Bateman cut a promo where he was being all goofy and weird, and challenged him to a Title vs. Career match for the Red Carpet Rumble. Spoiler, Morgan lost and retired.
Scorpio Sky vs. Mike Camden
This was a good match on paper, but the booking of this made no sense. Camden wins one match against a guy who just got squashed in the last match, didn’t even beat him clean, has done nothing but get squashed so many times on TV, and now he’s main eventing against Scorpio Sky. Not only was he having a match with Sky, he was able to hang with him. The match itself started out with good chain wrestling sequences early on, none of that RESTHOLDS bullshit. After a commercial break Scorpio Sky began to take control of Camden until Camden made a comeback. Peter Avalon busted out a “WHAT A MANEUVER” reference.
The pace of the match picked up as it went longer, and Camden hit a standing Shooting Star Press on Sky. They tried to do near fall spots with the standing Shooting Star Press and Camden’s Tornado Kick, but it didn’t work. They even tried to put over Camden’s backslide, but nobody bought into it. See, this is why Camden should’ve done something to get himself over with a finisher instead of just doing the bare minimum. The finishing sequences could’ve gotten a hotter reaction from the crowd if one of his moves were put over as a finisher instead of the lame ass backslide. It doesn’t get Camden over with the audience, and it also doesn’t do any favors for Sky. The finishing sequence saw Sky counter a 2nd rope moonsault attempt by Camden, and followed that up with a running knee. for the victory. This match was good, but as I said, the booking mistakes kept it from being better and intriguing.
Post match shenanigans: Peter says he’s gonna defend his title against Sky at the Red Carpet Rumble, and Sky stares him down to close the episode.
Final Thoughts
The Riegel Twins were impressive up until the injury thing, and Sky vs. Camden was an acceptable match despite the stupid booking. Everything else was either boring or forgetful. Hopefully the Riegel Twins comeback.
