Championship Wrestling From Hollywood Episode 247 Review

:::Editor’s Note:::
These reviews although entertaining for some, are not what I was hoping for when Andrew volunteered to review CWFH Television. In my opinion, the personal nature of the attacks take away from the true critique that I was initially hoping for. In retrospect, these articles should have never been published. However in the spirit of being Uncensored, they will remain on the site. – Jay

:::Author’s Note:::
While Jay Cal might claim that what I say in my reviews are “personal attacks” and such, they simply are not. Anyone who feels that way is reading into things too deeply. While he may be the E.I.C. here on SCU and can dictate what does and doesn’t belong on the site, he shouldn’t be incorrectly telling you, the reader, what the intent of my comments and reviews were. It should also be noted that Jay Cal is friends with people inside Championship Wrestling From Hollywood and some of the workers on these shows. In the spirit of being Uncensored, you, the reader, deserve to know the truth instead of having someone slandering my writings to influence your opinions by twisting other people’s words. – Andrew

But now I reappear, your heart pumps fear. Another episode of CWFH, another review from myself. Peter Avalon takes on Tyler Bateman in the main event, plus Vermin are in squash matches, and other shit. Cathy Kelley is also on this show, and more Wally George clips. Here comes that brand new flava in ya’ ear.

Show starts off with that Grant dork as usual, this time with Jarek 1:20 jumping around in the background doing some lame schtick with that Grant dork. Jarek says everyone will pay and they’re joined by Tyler Bateman. For reason, Tyler Bateman has a title shot even though he lost his last match to The Hobo in a $5k challenge. What the fuck kind of stupid ass booking is that? Tyler Bateman cut a good promo, but the production of this segment did nothing to put over his character. He was just some creepy guy with a face-painted sidekick doing an interview in some studio with some annoying dork. The lack of creativity in these promos really did nothing for the characters of Tyler Bateman and Jarek 1:20. Anyway, we go to the intro and we have our first match of the show next.

Jarek 1:20 vs. Big Duke

If you’ve been following this awful fucking show, you’d know that Big Duke and Eli Drake have recently been having a (poorly booked) feud. This continues to be an example of why this feud is boring and sucks. I’ll get to that later. This started off with Jarek 1:20 controlling the early portion of the match and doing a bunch of character work that saw him pretending to be crazy by yelling and being loud. Duke eventually made a comeback and did a bunch of basic moves. They do an over-choreographed sequence where they counter a bunch of moves before Big Duke reversed a gut wrench slam attempt on Jarek into a finishing combo. This was just really basic and uninteresting. Everything was solid inside the ring, but it meant nothing since this was just time-filler in the end. The commentary continues to be atrocious as fuck, as the aborted fetus Stu Stone continues to suck ass.

Post match shenanigans: That dork Grant interviews Big Duke. The old white guy with the stupid notebook paper signs is back. One says “BIG DUKE KILADELPHIA” and the other says “ALL HAIL DUKE” that the person sitting next to him is holding it. Duke cuts a basic promo on Eli Drake and gets his catchphrase in. Promo Class 101 in full effect. After this, we go backstage to Cathy Kelley interviewing Brandon Rickert’s awful fake-Russian character, Sasha Darevko wearing his red jumpsuit. He cuts a shitty promo in his shitty fake accent. He wisely doesn’t try to draw cheap heat by making comments on Cathy Kelley’s weight this time. Good thing because he’s an easy target himself. Anyway, some kids somewhere yell “HEY, KOOL-AID!” and Brandon takes off to go crash through a wall as we go to commercial. If only this show had more Wally George.

After a commercial break, that Grant dork brings in Jervis Cottonbelly, who cuts a lame ass promo. He’s facing Ryan Taylor tonight. Whatever. Time for the next match.

Jorel Nelson vs. Sasha Darevko

First off, the commentators are fucking idiots because they act as if Jorel Nelson hasn’t win a match, even though be beat Julius Coleman a few episodes back. Whoever is in charge of quality control in CWFH needs to be fired along with everyone else in charge of the creative direction of this company. Anyway, this match was boring as fuck, which is usual with Brandon Darveko’s (awful) body of work. This was slow, boring, and more basic than basic. You like restholds? You like shitty crowd work? You enjoy slow paced, uninteresting bullshit? Well, this match is for you! Fuck man, I swear this shit was bad. The aborted fetus is still intolerable. The old white guy has “TRACK SUIT” and “DEPORT SASHA” signs.

After a commercial break, that dork Grant does an interview with James Morgan and the Stu “The Load His Mom Should’ve Swallowed” Stone. Fuck all these people. Fuck this promo. Fuck this terribly written show.

Ryan Taylor vs. Jervis Cottonbelly

Annoying, old, environment killing white guy has more stupid notebook paper signs. One is a “EVERYBODY HATES VERMIN” sign and the other that the person next to him is holding says “CRY BABY” with a sad face next to it. Everything about Jervis Cottonbelly’s gimmick is awful. They do a bunch of schtick and comedy, playing up Jervis being a fucking goof and Ryan Taylor falling for his shit. Jervis botched a springboard attempt and Ryan Taylor covered for it, which looked pretty bad. Ryan Taylor is pretty talent and should have his skills showcased in a better fashion than this pointless match. Jervis Cottonbelly went for a bottom-rope splash, Ryan Taylor kicked his head, put Jervis in an armlock, and won when the referee checked Jervis’ arm one time.

Post match shenanigans: That Grant dork interviews Ryan Taylor, who talks about being sick of the rumors of Vermin losing power. Old white guy has another sign that says “WE DON’T CARE” on it, just like the audience doesn’t care about his stupid distracting signs that aren’t witty at all. Fuck that guy. Tito Escondido comes out and cuts a promo and enters the ring as Ryan Taylor heads to the broadcast table as we go to commercial.

Tito Escondido vs. Guy Cool

They’re still calling Guy Cool “Austin Harmon” and gave him the jobber treatment. Another example of stupid booking here, as both guys are heels, so the crowd either has to sympathize with one asshole or root for another. Goddamn this shit is so stupid. Tito kills Guy Cool in an impressive manner and has a good showcase, but it doesn’t really matter. This is just a pointless squash match. Why would you give your viewers another fucking squash match after making them sit through a fucking commercial? It kills the flow of the show. It’s like “oh cool, I sat around waiting for this next match and all I got was this short, basic shit that I’ve already seen several times now.” How repetitive can this show fucking be?

Backstage with Cathy Kelley. She interviews Peter Avalon who talks about his match with Tyler Bateman. He doesn’t talk about the all-expense paid vacation the Marquez Boys supposedly gave him. Great work on the continuity work, CWFH Booking Team. This lack of consistency really kills the viewing experience.

United Hollywood Heritage Championship Match: Peter Avalon (c) vs. Tyler Bateman (w/ Jarek 1:20)

I don’t know why Tyler Bateman is getting a title shot in this, and it just shows how terrible this company is at building title matches. Tyler Bateman lost his last match to The Hobo. Again, he lost a match to a fucking guy named THE HOBO. CWFH’s top title contender lost a match to a fucking comedy character! This company is such a joke. Anyway, this match, JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE ON THIS SHOW, is fucking basic. Bateman controls the match at a slow pace, does character and crowd work, and Jarek 1:20 acts annoying at ringside. Peter Avalon made a comeback and got the win. The match itself was fine, but these guys could do way better than this. They’re capable of better performances, but instead are sucked down by being forced to do formulaic bullshit. The finish sequence was the only real interesting portion of the match as nothing else was really captivating or exciting. No drama built, no real story behind it, just a random ass match.

Post match shenanigans: fake-Russian Sasha Rickert attacks Peter Avalon, does some awful looking worked punches, and poses with the belt to set up a future match between him and Peter that nobody will care about. Show ends with Peter trying to get back on his feet.

Final Thoughts

This show fucking sucked. No other way to put it. There’s nothing on this show worth caring about, and this series continues to SUCK ASS.

The Big Duke/Jarek 1:20 match is an example of the terrible booking this show produces. First off, the opening promo didn’t mention Jarek’s match at all with Duke, making it seem pointless and unimportant. Second, it did nothing to help advance Big Duke’s feud with Eli Drake. Third, having Jarek lose took heat away from him being as ringside for the title match. His presence wasn’t needed and it would’ve been more effective to the story if he didn’t accompany Bateman to ringside.

if I had to book that segment, I would’ve had the ring announcer introduce Duke to the crowd, and he would’ve cut a promo on Eli Drake for not being there that episode after trashing him the previous time out. He would be interrupted by another heel, which leads to a match. Jerek 1:20 wouldn’t be that guy as he’d be kept with Tyler Bateman, helping him preparing for his big match that night. The only time you’d see Jarek 1:20 on this episode would be during a promo with Tyler Bateman and at ringside during Bateman’s match. Two matches on this show would also get cut so this can have a good amount of time to develop a story and heat to get fans behind Duke with Duke eventually winning. Post match, Duke cuts a promo into the camera and says anytime Eli Drake wants a fight, he’ll be more than willing to give him one. This would keep things simple, not be over the top, helps build more tension between Duke and Eli, and would also help another heel character get some TV time without things feeling forced and unnatural.

Really, how uninspiring can a wrestling show be? Championship Wrestling From Hollywood continues to be awful. This show really needs a change in direction and a lot of fresh faces. I don’t want to write anymore about this horseshit show. Wally George’s feelings towards The Offspring’s album reflect my feelings towards this shitty series.

That’s it for this review. If you got any complaints, go suck an egg.