By No-Holds-Bard
Battle Ground Pro Wrestling rang in the new year with a return to the American Legion Hall in the freezing cold Newhall this evening that saw a standing-room-only capacity crowd welcome them back with open arms. Clenched fists and glasses of beer held high in the air as the fans cheered their favorite returning good guys and thumbs down and middle fingers up to show their disapproval of the returning bad guys. If 2006 was any indication that BiG Pro was going to take Newhall by storm, then the first show of 2007 showed that Newhall had already succumbed. And the first person to experience the overwhelming crowd reaction was none other than Commissioner Jason Bennett himself.
Bennett came out to the ring right off that bat with his cronies, the Battle Ground Pro Tag Team Champions, The Awesome Plague and Crayz. Just like every great leader must do to keep stability among his people and never leave them behind in the goings on of their community, Bennett delivered his State of Battle Ground Pro Address. His first agenda was to force the fans to appreciate his Tag Champions, to which the fans did not like. And before he could continue, Bennett was bombarded with a “Jason sucks!” chant that rang through the hall with cold reverberation. Above the din, Bennett continued as he mentioned the title name change of the Battle Ground Pro Lucha Libre Title to the Battle Ground Pro Maximum (MAX) Title, which is currently held by “Marvelous” Markus Riot. And to top off his little address was the mention of the current Battle Ground Pro Heavyweight Champion, “Brawlin’” Bo Cooper, whom Bennett claimed, would not leave the building tonight with the title. With the fans getting more and more upset, Bennett labeled them an “ugly crowd” as one heckling fan met with Bennett’s vitriolic sarcasm after saying too much. Then Bennett announced that he has recruited a new member to his stable, which he labeled Dogs of War, and that new member was “The Silent Assassin” Joey Harder, who remains currently undefeated in BiG Pro. Harder came out and Bennett mentioned the I-Quit match Harder was supposed to have with Brandon Nitro which never took place. He told Harder that he didn’t need to have that match with Nitro because he was good enough that he didn’t need to prove himself, to which Brandon Nitro came out. Unconcerned with the fact that three other men were in the ring, Nitro slid into the ring and just pummeled Harder, who narrowly escaped as Plague and Crayz beat Nitro down. Bennett said that Nitro had some balls to come in the ring like that, but that he was also stupid for actually doing so. Harder pulled brass knuckles out of his trunks and knocked out Nitro, who was being held up by Plague and Crayz. Suddenly Bo Cooper came out to make the save and the fans went apeshit.
After the mayhem, the first scheduled match was underway. “Marvelous” Markus Riot was defending his Battle Ground Pro MAX Title against challenger Hook Bomberry. After shoving Riot to the corner and getting the best of him for a minute, Hook began acting cocky as he got Riot in a headlock. Taking Riot down, Hook administered an STF, but Riot reversed it into a headlock on Hook. With Hook flat on his stomach Riot did a handspring over him, bouncing off the rope with his legs, but holding his momentum he pushed off the ground with his hands and double-stomped Hook on his back. Then after a flurry of a standing moonsault and a hurricanrana Riot went for the pin but Hook would not stay down. Coming off the ropes Riot hit a flying spinning elbow, but Hook later returned with punches and a headbutt. Getting the wristlock applied, Hook guaranteed the crowd that Riot would submit, but Riot reversed, sending Hook outside with a hurricanrana. Riot came after Hook on the outside with a plancha that took him out. He picked up Hook and chopped him on the chest all around the ring. He tossed Hook back inside and with a body slam, Riot went up top for an aerial assault, but Hook knocked the ref into the ropes, causing Riot to fall. Hook began going to work on Riot’s knee, slamming it into the mat and then chop blocking him. Hook pulled Riot’s shirt off and chopped him several times into the corner. Hook taunted the crowd with a little butt wiggle after chop blocking Riot again. He got Riot in the figure-four leg lock, but Riot reversed it. Hook was able to reach the rope. Gaining control again with elbows to the head, Hook called for his Michinoku Driver, but Riot reversed it into a schoolboy pin, but Hook kicked out. Then Hook called for the “neck breaker gimmick,” which was also reversed by Riot, but it wasn’t enough to take control. Hook clotheslined him and went back to work on the leg. After a body slam, Hook went up top and taunted the crowd once more before Riot climbed up and pulled off a super hurricanrana from the top. With a flurry of flying clotheslines, Riot called for his finish, but Hook reversed it into a swinging neck breaker. Riot kicked out of his pin attempt and hit a German suplex/pin combo, to which Hook barely escaped. Hook again went up top but Riot ran and jumped up with a kick to the head and hit a Perfect Plex to which Hook kicked out. Riot took complete control from here on with an Irish whip into the corner that was followed by an elbow to the head, an enzeguiri and a jawbreaker, which left Hook sitting in a corner. Riot dropkicked him in the face and made a near pinfall. Riot then went up top and missed a flip. Hook dropkicked Riot in the back of the head, but Riot would not stay down. He hit a wonderful combination that started with an ace crusher, and holding on, he flipped over Hook’s back, lifted him up over his shoulder and hit a tiger driver for the pin.
Winner: Battle Ground Pro MAX Champion “Marvelous” Markus Riot over Hook Bomberry to retain the title
Riot’s finisher was spectacular in its fluid motion, but he had no name for it except a reverse suplex driver. So now it will be known as Riot Control. Hook was upset that he lost and threw a fit. The next bout featured one of Newhall’s favorites, Foob Dogg, taking on Junior Old School, who made his debut back in November against Chimaera, who was conspicuously absent on the card tonight. Junior taunted Foob Dogg by pretending to pose as the big Dogg. Then he grabbed the microphone from ring announcer Ben Tomas and told everyone he wasn’t to be called Junior Old School anymore, but rather Swoop Johnson (as he made the motion of shooting hoops). He wanted Tomas to introduce him as Swoop Johnson, but he still called him Junior Old School.
Anyway, the match began with the collared-elbow tie-up as Jr. got Foob in a headlock. Foob reversed into an arm lock, working on the shoulder, then down on the wrist. Foob took him down to the mat and punked him a bit by slapping the back of his head. When Jr. got up he wanted a test of strength with Foob, which made no sense, because Jr. couldn’t overpower the big monster Foob. But somehow he finally managed to get him down but couldn’t get a pin in. Still interlocking the fingers though, Foob held on to overpower Jr. by going back to work on the wrist. Jr. reversed it into an Irish whip and met Foob with a DDT, but Foob got right back up and delivered three headbutts, a suplex, and an Irish whip, which Jr. reversed. But Jr. couldn’t knock down the big man with his shoulder blocks. Finally, with a spinning shoulder block Foob went down and Jr. capitalized with elbow drops. He went up top to hit a flying DDT, but Foob caught him and reversed it into a Samoan drop. The two men exchanged fists, but Foob got the best of Jr. after clotheslining him off an Irish whip, then with a hip toss and a back body drop he went for his finish with a T-bone suplex, followed by a crossface chokeslam and got the pin for the win.
Winner: Foob Dogg over Junior Old School (aka Swoop Johnson)
The next match featured Commissioner Bennett’s newest stable member, “The Silent Assassin” Joey Harder taking on a newcomer to Battle Ground, an Australian guy named A.Z. Harder came out with the whole entourage, which was really bothersome because for quite a bit of the beginning of the match Plague, Crayz, and a cameraman were blocking my view. For the most part Harder was in control the entire match. The first thing I was really able to see was Harder working on A.Z.’s elbow. There were several holds and several reverses. There were just too many people at ringside. Somehow A.Z. took the offense because I saw him deliver a hurricanrana, but then Harder got back on offense because he delivered several powerful blows, slams, a clothesline, a snap suplex, and an inverted Boston Crab. A.Z. got to the ropes but Harder stomped on his back. When the ref confronted Harder for not making a clean break, Harder distracted the ref while Bennett choked A.Z. on the rope. To this a little old Hispanic man got up and cursed at Bennett in Spanish and made every obscene gesture in the book. Everyone was just busting up laughing but this guy was seriously pissed off that Bennett was cheating. Meanwhile, back in the ring Harder was just taking A.Z. apart. The Hispanic guy’s antics were distracting me too much because it was just so funny that I missed some other stuff, but I noticed that A.Z. came back with a corkscrew off the top rope and then delivered some hard blows. From what I saw this was a pretty stiff match. A.Z. was coming out on top towards the end and called for his finish, which was some sort of piledriver, and went for the pin, but Bennett pulled the ref out of the ring. Harder came back with the Liontamer and made A.Z. tap.
Winner: Still undefeated, “The Silent Assassin” Joey Harder over A.Z.
The fans completely lost it after this match with a long, loud “you suck!” chant. The next bout saw another Australian competitor returning to Battle Ground, Bobby Jo Marshall. But he wouldn’t have such an easy time getting over since his opponent was a Battle Ground favorite, Li’l Cholo. Last time we saw Marshall was when he took on a fellow mate of his, the Australian Mikey Nicholls in a great match. At that time he came out to Rammstein with a little goth kind of gimmick with long black shorts with straps and black boots. This time he came out wearing gold and silver trunks and boots. He also talked a lot more. There was a lot of stalling in the beginning of the match as the fans chanted “USA! USA!” They finally met with a collared-elbow tie-up and a test of strength. Marshall pie-faced Cholo, but Cholo spit back and Marshall fell to the mat. Marshall took Cholo in a headlock, but Cholo reversed, sending Marshall into the corner and mounting him for a 10-count punch. Marshall rolled to the outside, but when he got back in he was tossed back outside on the opposite side of the ring. When he got back in Cholo dropkicked him out the other side. Cholo went out after him this time but Marshall reversed an Irish whip, which sent Cholo reeling into the steel post. Marshall sent Cholo inside and hit a brainbuster. Cholo played possum a bit before Marshall went for the pin because suddenly Cholo rolled him up and took the victory.
Winner: Li’l Cholo over Bobby Jo Marshall
The next bout featured “The Role Model” Preston Scott w/Ray “Boom-Boom” Murillo taking on “The Wholesome Hero” J.T. Hyatt. If you recall, back in November Preston Scott was in the corner of J.T. Hyatt as he took on The Human Tornado, who had Disco Machine and Candice LaRae in his corner. Scott told Hyatt that his street fight match with Markus Riot that left him bloody and battered in a hospital made him realize who his true friends were, because Hyatt was the only one who called him in the hospital to see how he was doing. He said he respected Hyatt for that and wanted to be in his corner to help him out. Of course, things didn’t turn out as planned for Hyatt because towards the end of that match when Hyatt had Tornado down and out on the mat Preston Scott urged Hyatt to take control by kicking Tornado while he was down. Hyatt wouldn’t do it and argued with Scott, all the while Tornado rolled up Hyatt for the victory. Now it was time for payback. Scott came out tonight wearing another of his fabulous Role Model T-shirts that said on the back this time, “Trust No Woman.”
The match began with the collared-elbow tie-up, but Hyatt got the upper hand as he grabbed a handful of Preston Scott’s ridiculously huge beard and turned it into a hip toss. He delivered another hip toss, an arm drag, a suplex, a legdrop, went for a pin, and got Scott in a headlock. Scott pushed him back against the ropes and Boom-Boom tried to grab Hyatt’s leg to trip him, but Hyatt caught him, and when he turned around he stomped Boom’s hand. He hit a sidewalk slam on Scott and went for a pin but Scott kicked out. Just when it seemed Hyatt would take control the entire match, Scott distracted the ref long enough for Boom-Boom to attack Hyatt. But during the attack Hyatt somehow got his foot lodged between the top and middle rope and was hanging outside. He couldn’t break free, and when the ref saw it he tried to help him but he couldn’t get it free either. So even Preston Scott tried helping break Hyatt free. Finally he came free and the match continued. Scott got Hyatt in a headlock and delivered a back suplex and went for a pin attempt. After Hyatt kicked out Scott Irish whipped him into the corner and charged at him with a boot to the face. The two men exchanged forearm shots at each other and Hyatt reversed an Irish whip and hit a neckbreaker as Scott came off the ropes. Hyatt stayed in control with several clotheslines and then hit a combination of two suplexes and finished with a Perfect Plex. Boom-Boom distracted the referee while the crazy Hispanic guy from the last match ran up to the other side of the ring to show the referee that a pin attempt was being made. It was fucking hilarious. Scott got out of the pin attempt however and attempted a Texas Clover Leaf on Hyatt, but Hyatt kicked him away. Boom-Boom got up on the apron and faced the audience. Scott went to Irish whip Hyatt into Boom-Boom, but Hyatt reversed and Scott was sent towards Boom-Boom, who threw an elbow back, knocking Scott down unbeknownst to him. Hyatt went down to make the pin and got the win.
Winner: “The Wholesome Hero” J.T. Hyatt over “The Role Model” Preston Scott w/Ray “Boom-Boom” Murillo
After Hyatt got the fluke pinfall both Scott and Boom-Boom attacked Hyatt, but Foob Dogg came out to make the save. Foob said he wanted Preston Scott since Scott didn’t know how to fight fair, and Hyatt told Foob that he’d have his back. But then Scott said that nobody wanted to see that match, not even a tag team match, but the fans got loud and made it clear that they definitely wanted to see that match. After this match came an intermission where Ben Tomas told us all that the next show would take place February 17th and that there would be a 25-man Royal Rumble-style match and the winner would be the number one contender for the Battle Ground Pro Heavyweight Championship. During the intermission Tomas also gave a free Battle Ground T-shirt to a kid that he brought into the ring. He asked the kid who would win the title match tonight, Bo Cooper or Rocky Romero, and the kid said Bo Cooper and got a huge pop from the fans.
After the intermission came an incredible four-way mêlée to determine the number one contenders for the Battle Ground Pro Tag Team Championships and it consisted of Devilishly Sexy (Diablo and “Sexy” Sonny Samson), Midnight Dynamite (Charles Mercury and Johnny Paradise), The Stepfamily (The Stepfather and The Red-Headed Stepchild w/“Drunk” Uncle Ronnie), and The Young Bucks (Slick Nick and Mr. Instant Replay). What a WILD match. Even before the match was wild. When Devilishly Sexy came out with their Brokeback Mountain jungle fever gimmick with water bottles in their crotches some fan stuck a dollar bill in Diablo’s tights, and later put one in Sonny’s ass. When the Bucks came out to Hanson’s “MMBop” everyone was dancing. The fans love the Bucks, but apparently Devilishly Sexy love Hanson, too. Stepchild and Sonny Samson did a number together to the song. As soon as the bell hit Dynamite just charged full speed towards the Bucks. These two teams have a very long-standing feud in BiG Pro and this four-way match was in no way going to change that. It was just mayhem. While these two teams went at it, Devilishly Sexy went after the Stepfamily. These two teams took it outside while Dynamite and the Bucks kept it inside. The Bucks had the upper hand as they reversed a double Irish whip and came back to hit hurricanranas in unison on Midnight Dynamite.
Officially the match began with Mr. Instant Replay and Diablo. But it was just getting out of control, with both members of Midnight Dynamite coming in to make saves on pinfall attempts. Stepfather and Mercury were now going at it. Stepfather shouted, “Who wants some pancakes?!” Then he hit a couple body splashes on Mercury who lay on the ground. Then he asked “Who wants sausages!?” Stepfather fell to his knees above Mercury’s head so that his nuts hit him in the face. Then he sat there, making a cover. I think this was the first time I have ever seen someone try to pin someone else with their nuts. There was another great spot where the Bucks did a handspring backflip into a dropkick in unison. There were a lot of quick tags, pins and saves. Mercury was in the ring with Stepchild and rolled him up for a pin and held the tights as everyone watched. Even Stepfather saw it, but he didn’t make the save because he thought the ref saw it. The ref didn’t see Mercury holding the tights, so Stepchild was pinned and the Stepfamily was eliminated. Dynamite took turns taking apart Replay. Then Sonny Samson had his turn, but Replay grabbed his chunky titty and Dynamite came in to double team Replay. Samson made a pin on Replay with his crotch in his face, but Replay kicked out and came back with a near fall of his own. At another point in the match Johnny Paradise hit a low blow on Replay when Devilishly Sexy were distracting the referee. Dynamite double-teamed Replay with a spike piledriver from the top rope. Slick Nick finally made an appearance with a save of his own. Amidst the mayhem the two teams that thought were on the same page together, Dynamite and Devilishly Sexy turned out not to be so when Sonny Samson powerbombed Charles Mercury and pinned him to eliminate Midnight Dynamite. At this point it was Diablo and Slick Nick going at it. Devilishly Sexy took apart Nick, who made a weak attempt at a comeback until he hit this sick flip face plant, not too dissimilar from the Canadian Destroyer. Nick made the hot tag to Replay who just went to town on Devilishly Sexy, who got caught up in some very homosexual positions on the mat. Replay beats both of them up good, but it was Slick Nick who gave some sick chops and elbows to Sonny Samson. Samson and Diablo tried to make a comeback but the Bucks went out in a flurry and took the victory to end the mayhem and take away a number one contender spot for the Tag Titles.
Winners: The Young Bucks (Slick Nick and Mr. Instant Replay) over Devilishly Sexy (Diablo and Sexy Sonny Samson) over Midnight Dynamite (Charles Mercury and Johnny Paradise) over The Stepfamily (The Stepfather and The Red-Headed Stepchild w/“Drunk” Uncle Ronnie)
After all the pancakes and sausages, gay high jinx, Bucks that fly, jungle-feverish water bottle cocks, mustard-stained wife-beaters, ‘80s sequined bathrobes, and Hanson dancing all that was left was the main event: Battle Ground Pro Wrestling Heavyweight Champion “Brawlin’” Bo Cooper defending his title against The Havana Pitbull, Rocky “Azucar” Romero. Rocky, who really needs no introduction because of all of his accomplishments, was virtually unknown and unwelcome in Newhall. It was quite sad to see him get treated this way just because he had the unlucky task of being Bo Cooper’s opponent. Rocky got on the microphone before Bo came out and spoke for a good minute or two but I really couldn’t hear a goddamn thing he said because of everyone on their feet changing, “Bo! Bo! Bo!” as loud as they could. Every month gets more and more insane with the Bo Cooper chants. So Bo came out and the place came unglued. For some Reason Rocky started dancing. It was really awkward.
The match began with Bo overpowering Rocky in a collared-elbow tie-up. Rocky got Bo in a headlock, but Bo got out of it, sending Rocky into the ropes with an Irish whip and sends Rocky down with a shoulder block. Bo came over to a fan that gladly gave him a beer and Bo chugged it down. The fans were relentless as they chanted, “Rocky’s Bo’s bitch!” Rocky attempted a hip toss on big Bo, but couldn’t lift him, so instead he hit a couple dropkicks on him. Rocky went up top for a cross body but Bo caught him and slammed him down. Bo sent Rocky into the corner with several chops and tried a running body splash but Rocky moved. He went up top and hit Bo with a missile dropkick. Bo rolled outside and Rocky followed, sending Bo into the steel post. As some of us got up to get out of the way Rocky stood on my chair to deliver a double ax-handle to Bo, then knocked him all around the ring. When Rocky sent Bo back into the ring he hit a double knee stomp on his head. Then he gouged his face and went for a pin, but Bo just pushed him off like a feather. Rocky still took it to Bo, hitting a flying DDT from the top rope, delivering a dropkick to the head, and punching Bo over and over as he lay on the mat. He stood Bo up in the corner and hit a running knee lift to the chest. Rocky then went up top, but Bo tried to run and block him and was met with boots to the chest as Rocky sat up on the top turnbuckle. However, Bo jumped up and arm-dragged Rocky off the top rope. Bo landed some punches and hit a back body drop. Then he sent Rocky into the ropes with an Irish whip and caught him in a sidewalk slam and went for the pin. Rocky kicked out, but Bo got him back up and sent him into the corner with an Irish whip. He splashed Rocky there in the corner and Rocky fell to the mat. As he sat in the corner Bo hit the Bronco Buster and the fans went wild. Rocky was lifeless. Bo went for the pin but Rocky held the rope, breaking the count. So at this Bo called for the Spicolo Driver, but Rocky reversed into a DDT. He went for the pin but Bo kicked out and Rocky just had a shit fit. Rocky then rolled up Bo and put his foot on the rope so the ref stopped the count. A frustrated Rocky soon found himself on the hard end of a Spicoli Driver, to which Bo made the pin to win.
Winner: Battle Ground Pro Heavyweight Champion “Brawlin’” Bo Cooper over The Havana Pitbull, Rocky “Azucar” Romero to retain the title
Just as the fans were going nuts and Bo was sharing a victory beer with them, out came “The Rock Superstar” Kaos w/Jezebel. Kaos said he didn’t want to rain on Bo’s party, but he had a document showing how Bo didn’t actually beat him back in November during their chain match. If you remember, Bo Cooper pinned Kaos while Kaos had his foot on the rope, but the referee made a three-count pinfall and awarded the belt back to Bo Cooper. So you can imagine how upset Kaos was. Kaos told Bo that he owed him a rematch. Bo grabbed the “document” from Kaos, wiped his ass with it and threw it back at him. Then Bo told Kaos that he beat Kaos’ ass with a chain, said that Jezebel had AIDS (which was kind of crude if you ask me), and that if Kaos wanted a rematch, why wait until next month when everyone wanted to see it now? So, the match started.
Immediately Bo took Kaos outside and threw him into several rows of chairs. Bo just manhandled Kaos back in the ring and delivered a quick Bronco Buster on Kaos’ lifeless body. Then Bo tossed Jezebel into the ring to fend for herself. When it seemed like Bo was going to pummel her, he grabbed her hair and just planted a big wet one on her then gave her a Bronco Buster. The fans went wild. As the referee went to check on Jezebel, “The Silent Assasin” Joey Harder came out with his brass knuckles and hit Bo in the head. Kaos made the quick pin and took a victory over Bo.
Winner: “The Rock Superstar” Kaos w/Jezebel over “Brawlin’” Bo Cooper to become the NEW Battle Ground Pro Heavyweight Champion
Brandon Nitro came out with a chair to ward off Harder and chase him out of the building, but it was too late because the match was already over. Kaos got on the mic and basically said, “I told you so.” Bo got up and it was clear that he was busted open. Nitro came to Bo’s aid in the ring and the fans were upset but gave Bo a chant in appreciation. For some reason Bo still thought he was the champ because he asked Nitro for his belt, but Nitro broke the news to him that he lost. So then Bo got on the mic and delivered a speech about how in every battle there’s a general, and that he would be the general if only all the fans would be his soldiers that would go to war with him. Then he invited all the fans in the ring and scolded referee Tony Cutlip for allowing Harder to interfere and cost him the belt. His last words were that he was going to get revenge on Joey Harder, revenge on Jason Bennett, and was going to get his belt back from Kaos. Then he gave Cutlip a Spicoli Driver.
Overall I wouldn’t call this BiG Pro’s best show, but it certainly wasn’t a letdown. For some reason I expected a title change to happen soon, and when I saw that Rocky Romero was on the card I didn’t think it would be him. I liked the ending and I’m glad it was Kaos that got the belt. Things are definitely going to get interesting. There was no one single match that really stood out to me from the rest, but I’d give Match of the Night a tie between the opening match of Markus Riot vs. Hook Bomberry and the four-way elimination tag team match, mostly because the Young Bucks are such a pleasure to watch. The Cholo/Marshall match just seemed odd to me. I really liked Marshall in his debut against Mikey Nicholls, and I know those two guys could have put on a hell of a better match. Junior Old School and Foob Dogg seemed weird to me, too. Foob Dogg is getting better. He showed some good technical skills that really surprised me, but I don’t think putting him in the ring with some young kid like Junior Old School would help either of them all that much. I always enjoy seeing Joey Harder wrestle, but there were too many people at ringside blocking my view, but from what I saw the match was pretty good. Never seen A.Z. before but he reminds me a little bit of MDogg20, only, without as many aerial moves. I am definitely looking forward to the continuation of the feud between Harder and Nitro, as well as The Young Bucks and Midnight Dynamite.
So the next show is scheduled for February 17th and so far the main attraction I guess will be a 25-man Royal Rumble-style match to determine a number one contender for the Battle Ground Pro Heavyweight Championship. The contender was supposed to fight Bo Cooper, but now we don’t know Cooper’s involvement in the Rumble. Also, supposedly there was a tag match that was hinted at with Preston Scott and Ray Murillo against J.T. Hyatt and Foob Dogg, but we’ll see if that makes it to the card. Same with The Young Bucks, who became number one contenders for the Tag Titles, currently held by The Awesome Plague and Crayz. BiG Pro doesn’t even use 25 guys, so it’s obvious that they’ll be bringing people in, but if these other tag matches are made then that just takes more people out of the Rumble. Either way it’ll be an exciting show. There obviously has to be more than just that one match on the card. All I can say is that I’m looking forward to it… though I am not looking forward to reviewing it!
