[Editor’s Note: This is not an official Pro Wrestling Guerrilla preview. This was done by fans, for fans.]
PWG: Use Your Illusion 3 Preview
by Paul Newberry aka “bWo Stevie”
“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very
persistent one.” – Albert Einstein
Hello, SoCalUncensored! if you’ve been reading the
message board, you may have noticed my series of PWG
Previews (that I like to call “Thoughts and
Predictions” yes it took me a whole 3 seconds to think
of that name) Well, it is now with much pride that I
present to you, my preview for PWG’s “Use Your
Illusion 3” event. It’s a true testament to the fact,
that I really need to find something better to do with
my free time. Enjoy!
I’d also like to thank my friends at Paradise City Ninjas for posting this
as well. So check that site out, knowing you I think
you’ll enjoy it (not that I actually know you or
anything)
Coming off their very eventful “The Next Show” PWG is
set to once again unload on the wrestling world, this
time with a huge two part rock opera entitled Use
Your Illusion 3 & 4! on Oct. 9th and Oct.
23rd!
However, this event will be a somber one for fans of
PWG. As it will feature the final PWG appearance of
Bobby Quance before he joins the United States Navy in
hope to become a Navy SEAL.
So to help commemorate this and to honor the rich
history of the US Navy and The Navy SEALS… I proudly
present “The 1st annual ‘Thoughts and Predictions’
salute to the United States NAVY!” In-between each
match write up, I will be presenting facts and random
information about The NAVY. In an effort to help you
the reader, better understand the world Mr. Quance is
about to enter (And no, I’m not at all doing this,
just to pad this out because only 4 matches are
announced)
Let’s get to the matches:…
Track One: Double Talkin’ Jive
The Aerial Express (Quicksilver &
Scorpio Sky) vs. S.B.S. (Disco Machine &
Excalibur)
Last time, on a very special Trapper John, MD:
SBS: The last few months haven’t been kind to
the team of Disco Machine and Excalibur. In their last
two PWG appearances, they managed to drop two sure
victories due to simple miscommunications. The first
to Los Rojo Locos at “The Secret of the Ooze” and most
recently at “The Next Show” to Disco’s former charges
The Bollywood Bombshells. After that match, Disco
proclaimed that it was now time for them to get
serious and to finally get The SBS band back together.
Now more determined ever… The SBS are back and ready
to rule the PWG tag scene.
The Panda Express: When last we saw The AXP as
a unit in PWG, they were victorious in an 8-man tag at
“A Reason for the Season” Things seemed to looking up
for the AXP in PWG, however their progress was slowed,
due to Scorpio Sky having to miss the last couple PWG
shows due to his being on tour with Osaka Pro and Bon
Jovi in Japan. But now on Oct. 9th after a several
month absence, Scorpio Sky will finally make his PWG
return. Which means that much like R&B duo Peaches and
Herb, the AXP are “reunited!” and the 2003 SoCal Tag
Team of the year are ready to once again rule the PWG
Tag scene!
So at PWG’s “Use your Illusion 3” both these teams
will be looking to return to prominence in the PWG tag
team scene. But in order to do so, they will have to
go through each other. It’s a match both teams must
win and a match neither team can afford to
lose!
Past History?: First ever match between these
particular tag combinations, but these teams do have
quite a history. In PWG alone we’ve seen:
Disco Machine & Excalibur Vs. Quicksilver & Chris Bosh
– AYAPTR?
SBS Vs. AXP & Chris Bosh -Taste The Radness
The Guerrilla Games match featuring all four – 88
Miles Per Hour
Excalibur/Super Dragon Vs. Quicksilver and Chris Bosh
– The Musical
Scorpio Sky Vs. Disco Machine – The Musical
AXP/LRL Vs. Disco and Company – Reason for the
season
Not to mention all the matches Disco has had with the
AXP in other SoCal feds such as Revolution
Pro.
PWG records?: Quicksilver is 6-7, Sky is 5-6,
2-1 as a duo. Excalibur is 6-7, Disco is 5-10, 1-3 as
a duo.
My Thoughts?: I’ve seen many different
combinations of this match before in PWG, RevPro ETC
and I’ve thought they’ve all been very good, and no
doubt this one will be no different. Actually thinking
about it, I can’t think of an AXP match I haven’t
really enjoyed. However beside this being a solid
match wrestling wise, also consider all of the comedic
potential this one has! With these four in there this
could be the funniest match since Manute Bol met
William ‘The Refrigerator’ Perry on Fox’s Celebrity
Boxing! Not much more can be said about this.. other
than be ready to be entertained… TO THE
XTREME!
My Prediction: I have to go with the AXP here.
Setting them up for a future title shot.
Now let’s begin the
1st annual ‘Thoughts and Predictions’ salute to
the United States NAVY!” Act One: FILM
The best way to get today’s youth
to really learn about important issues is through the
mediums of film and the dramatic arts. With that in
mind, I thought we’d start our gala tribute to the
Navy with my suggestions for a bitchin’ Navy themed
motion picture film fest! Hope you have your popcorn
ready!
My suggestions:
- G.I. Jane (1997) Starring a pre-Ashton era
Demi Moore. Every now and then, that rare motion
picture comes along that deeply touches your heart and
changes the way you look at life forever…
unfortunately this isn’t that movie. It is however,
the life-assuring tale of Lt. Jordan O’Niel, a test
female Navy SEAL trainee. Who is set up to the fail by
the white male oppressors. Who want to prove that
women don’t belong in the SEALS and should just be
thankful they get to vote. Can she survive the
intensely brutal SEAL training? Will she overcome the
odds and prove them wrong without breaking a nail?
Spoiler alert: Predictably yeah she does, but also
ends up finding herself in the process… You go
girl! - Abbott and Costello’s In the Navy (1941)
You’re enlisted… for hilarity! As Dick Powell plays
a popular crooner who is tired of the pressure of fame
and enlists incognito in the US navy! Along the way he
encounters famous funnymen Abbott and Costello! Who
perform a number of their funniest routines. Yes, it’s
all 30’s style vaudeville gags and singing (including
the hit number “In the Navy Now”) from the word go. It
also features a cameo from Three Stooges Legend Shemp
Howard!!! Now that’s a spicy meatball! - Navy vs. the Night Monsters, The (1966)
Starring famed Matinee Idol Mamie Van Doren and some
ah other dudes. The movie is actually really
terrible… and just an excuse for the rather well
proportioned Miss Van Doren to run around screaming.
Actually half way though this thing I started running
around screaming. The Plot? Well actually the title
gives the plot away. Basically our Navy boys and Miss
Van Doren kick alot of goofy looking monster ass…
and end up finding themselves in the process. You go
girl! - Navy SEALS (1990) starring Charlie Sheen
and Michael Biehn. Often called the “Citizen Kane” of
Navy SEAL movies… but in my opinion it’s more like
the “Citizen Ruth” of Navy SEAL movies. Basically Rick
“Wild Thing” Vaughn and Kyle Reese track down bad guys
with big guns and look badass while they do it. This
movie was also immortalized in the 1994 Kevin Smith
film “Clerks” via this snappy quotable:Randal Graves: “They never rent quality flicks.
They always pick the most intellectually devoid movies
on the rack.”Customer: “OOOOH! NAVY SEALS!”
So yeah, if you only see one movie entitled “Navy
SEALS” this year… umm make it this one!
So there you go, so run out to Blockbuster (or a
rental place that doesn’t totally blow) now and spend
the night with the Navy! (much like a hooker at the
docks!) It’s the American thing to do.
Fun Navy SEAL Fact: “SEAL” is an acronym for
Sea, Air and Land (named after the environments in
which they operate) The Navy SEALs are the military’s
most elite unit, they go anywhere to fight for and
protect America! (Kind of like GI Joe)
Track Two: Perfect Crime
Puma vs. The UK Kid
Last time on Pro Wrestling Guerrilla: Special
Victims Unit!
Puma & The Havana Pitbulls defeated
Daniels/B-Boy/Quance in a 6-man tag that many claimed
stole the show. This time around the virtuosic PUMA
goes it alone and looks to further his standing in the
singles ranks (and if you want to go by Won-Loss
records, PUMA is one of the most successful singles
wrestlers ever in PWG)
Blimey! The UK Kid made his PWG debut at “The
Next Show” in a losing effort against American Dragon.
During which some said he acted like a total boggin
gobshite. But I’d blinkin’ disagree with that rubbish.
This bloke is no nutter… he knows his onions when it
comes to wrestling. All you tossers better recognize!
and Bob’s your Uncle (or whatever those crazy
Australians like to say)
On Oct. 9th, It’s the Texas Wrestling Academy Vs. The
Inoki Dojo, As the kid from the UK intends to get his
prove his worth to the bloody yanks by defeating PUMA.
Will he succeed? or will he become just another notch
in PUMA’s fashionable puma-skin belt?
Past History?: None to my knowledge. Which is
saying something, because I even know what the word
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis means!
PWG records?: Puma is an impressive 8-1 as a
single (with victories over Ricky Reyes, Vito
Thomaseli, Brad Bradley, Josh Prohibition, Black
Tigers, Zokre, Phoenix Star, Charles Mercury and Tony
Kozina) UK Kid is 0-1
Thoughts?: Before I get to my thoughts on the
match, you know what I found out while “researching”
this? The UK Kid’s real name is Tom Jones! Which
inspired me to share this joke:
“This guy goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I
can’t stop singing certain songs. All morning I’ve
been humming ‘The Green, Green Grass Of Home.’
Yesterday it was, ‘Delilah.’ Last week I sang ‘What’s
New Pussycat?’ at least 100 times! What’s wrong with
me?”
The Doctor says, “Sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome to
me.”
The man says, “Never heard of that. Is it common?”
Doc says, “It’s not unusual.”
Ha ha it’s funny because you see his name is Tom
Jones… like the popular singer of the same name! Who
recorded the song “It’s not unusual” and many other
popular modern recordings! It works on a lot of
levels, kind of like the movie Jumanji.
Anyway unlike his famous namesake, this Tom Jones
isn’t a full-throated, robust baritone, but rather is
quite an accomplished wrestler and a booming tenor.
Last time in PWG, I thought he looked pretty good in
his match with American Dragon last month (though even
Winston Churchill could look good in there with
American Dragon and he’s been dead 40 years) and he
drew alot of heel heat seemingly for just being
British! ( Though in fairness most British people I
know get that response from large crowds)
Tom Jones’ opposition this time around is PUMA! Now if
you’ve ever seen PUMA perform, you know just how good
he can be. I also say he generally performs rather
well against wrestlers with styles similar to the UK
Kid’s. So expect a solid match here, that just may
surprise you.
My Prediction: PUMA takes his one.
1st annual ‘Thoughts and Prediction’ Salute to the
United States NAVY!” Act two: Famous Navy SEALS you
may have heard of!:
- Pro Wrestling Legend and former governor of
Minnesota, Jesse “The Body” Ventura - Rudy Boesch of TV’s Survivor
- Richard Marcinko, aka Demo Dick (that’s a nickname
you don’t see much anymore), aka Shark Man of the
Delta: famously controversial writer and military
advisor. - Bob Kerrey Former US Senator and Governor of
Nebraska. - My great uncle Benny also was a Navy Frogman (a
precursor to the Navy SEALS)…. eh well I’ve heard of
him anyway.
Fun Navy SEAL Fact: The training for the Navy
SEALS is considered the most intense in all the
military. The training regime is so punishing that it
has over a 60% dropout rate.
October 9th, on this date in Naval History:
October 9th, 1943-The Destroyer Buck DD-420 is sunk by
an enemy submarine off the coast Italy.
Track Three: Locomotive (Complicity)
B-Boy vs. “Photogenic” Chris
Bosh
In our last issue..:
At “The Next Show” B-Boy made his return to PWG as
part of a outstanding 6-man tag W/ Quance and Daniels
Vs. Havana Pitbulls and PUMA. In which he came out on
the losing end, falling victim to the Cuban Missile
Crisis (um the wrestling move not the ah actual
Missile Crisis) Can B-Boy recapture the “Eye of the
tiger” and break his recent losing streak?
A Bosh Tale: Thus far in PWG, Bosh has mainly
been known as a tag team wrestler (10 out of his 13
PWG appearances were in tag matches) But at PWG’s
“Next Show” Bosh finally got to the chance to go it
alone in PWG. He quickly capitalized on the
opportunity and was victorious in a hard fought 3-way
dance over Quicksilver and the returning Hook
Bomberry. After the match it was clear, that Bosh
really needed to pull his damn pants up… and umm
that he had finally arrived on the PWG single scene.
Now on October 9th at PWG’s latest rock opus “Use Your
Illusion 3” in order to prove himself and take his
next step into superstardom, Christopher Boshinoku
will have to go through one of the top players ever in
SoCal, B-Boy! It’s Shining Wizard Vs. The Steiner
Screwdriver, Will Bosh be up to the task? Or he turn
out to be just another bitch smoked by the New Age
Punisher?
Past History?: To my knowledge is a first ever
in ring meeting.
Overall PWG records?: ?: B-Boy is 7-4 and Chris
Bosh is 5-8
Fun PWG Fact: Both men are former co-holders of the
PWG Tag Titles
My Thoughts?: This is my pick for the sleeper
match of the night. With that being said, I’d like to
move us right along to Chris Bosh. We had a chance to
meet this young man, and boy that’s just a straight
shooter with upper management written all over him!
err anyway as I’ve mentioned in other previews, Bosh
is really someone to look out for in SoCal. He’s
improved drastically in the past year, already having
a SoCal MOTYC in Revolution Pro. In which he defeated
SoCal’s top star Super Dragon to win the RevPro title.
Which should have been his breakout match…. but
sadly that match still hasn’t been released and alot
of fans still think of Bosh as he was in 2003. But all
you doubters take heed, the wrestling world will know
Chris Bosh… sooner rather than later. This time
around Bosh will be facing another one of SoCal’s top
stars “The Best of the West” tourney winner (at least
according to the 7 people who attended that show)
B-Boy. Now B-Boy should be no stranger to even those
not very familiar with SoCal wrestling, due to his
many appearances with CZW and IWA:MS. The New Age
Punisher has more than held his own against the
world’s top talent and is not someone to be messed
with….
Honestly, I think this one has loads of potential and
should be an intensely heated contest, as the crowd
loves B-Boy and despises the ground Chris Bosh walks
on. This could turn out to be another breakout match
for Chris Bosh (if he can keep his pants on) Overall,
I guess what I’m really trying to say is that this
match should be totally trippendicular to the
max!!!!!
My Prediction:Chris Bosh pulls an upset. And
then watcha gonna do when Boshamania runs wild on
you?!
1st annual ‘Thoughts and Prediction’ Salute to the
United States NAVY!” Act Three. RANDOM STUFF!
Ok we’ve already covered film, so
now let’s take a look at some other famous Navy Themed
products!
TV:
Thunder in Paradise (1993) starring Terry
“Hulk” Hogan. The not so classic syndicated TV show
about the wacky misadventures of a zany Ex-Navy SEAL.
We all know that as an actor, Hulk Hogan is no Marlon
Brando or even Marlin Perkins, he is still always good
for MST3Kish laughs and remorseful sorrow….
Video Games:
SOCOM II: U.S. Navy SEALs for The Playstation 2
and PC. SOCOM is a First Person Shooter (FPS) that is
probably one of the best out there today. You lead a
group of Navy SEALS in squad-based missions like a
disarming bombs and ordering out for Thai Food. This
game is a favorite among online dorks everywhere. With
this game, now you too can live the life of a Navy
SEAL while sitting on your fat ass eating Guacamole
flavored Doritos! USA! USA!! USA!!!
Music:
“In The Navy” by The Village People. The
popular disco themed hit from the 1979 album “Go
West”. “In the Navy,” spoke to the youth of American
(via the popular disco form of music of course) of all
the wondrous things the Naval branch of the armed
forces had to offer! The US Navy even briefly
considered using ‘In The Navy’ as their recruitment
song until its full implications were pointed out! So
blast this tune loud and proud and show your support
for the boys in Navy Blue!
Reading Material:
U.S. Navy: A Complete History (U.S. Military
Series) by M. Hill Goodspeed. President George
Bush has said “I heartily recommend U.S. Navy: A
Complete History. This wonderful history should be
seen by all students in all schools” But then again…
he has also choked on a pretzel. This handy dandy book
gives you a year-by-year summary of all the noteworthy
naval activities from 1775 until the present. Great
pick up if you are interested in the Navy and it’s
history.
Fun Navy Fact: As of August 1998 The total US
Navy personnel is 380,600. That’s 1.31 Navy personnel
per 1000 people in the US.
Track Four: Don’t Cry (Original)
Bobby Quance’s PWG Farewell Match
“Fallen Angel” Christopher Daniels
vs. Bobby Quance
Backstory!: The Navy SEALS have a few questions
for you….. Are you motivated to succeed? Are you
determined to persevere? Are you ready to accelerate
your life? If so consider a career in Naval Special
Warfare (NSW). We’re seeking smart, fit, hardworking
young men from all backgrounds to join our team of
SEAL operators! It is a career that offers unmatched
challenges, adventure and job satisfaction to
motivated candidates!
Well as you may have heard or seen on Oprah, PWG
superstar Bobby Quance has bravely answered that
challenge and is ready to embark on a six year stay in
The United States Navy! But not before he completes
one more mission in PWG…. and it could prove to be
perhaps his biggest challenge to date, as he will be
facing Christopher Daniels! Who is without a doubt,
one of the most respected wrestlers in the entire
industry.
Will Bobby Quance be able to leave PWG as a winner? Or
will the challenge of Christopher Daniels prove too
much for him to overcome?Find out on October 9th as
PWG bids farewell to one of it’s own.
Past History?: none that I’m aware of. But they
were partners in a 6-man at the last PWG show.
PWG records?: Christopher Daniels is 3-1 in
singles matches (4-4 overall) Quance is 2-4 overall
Thoughts?: It doesn’t take an avid viewer of
“Law & Order” to decipher that this is going to be a
special match. So I’ll keep this short…
Christopher Daniels needs no introduction, as he is
arguably one of the best on this or possibly any other
planet. He’s worked everywhere and probably won
everything. Daniels is like Dominos Pizza, in that you
can always count on him to deliver in 30 minutes or
less!
“Shooting Star” Bobby Quance, of course is one of the
best talents the West Coast has to offer. With his
entertaining high flying, excellent mat work and
dreaded Polish Hammer, he has quickly become one of
SoCal’s favorites. During his career he’s been apart
of 2 SoCal matches of the year; He’s appeared with
CMLL in Mexico, MLW and just recently has made a huge
splash on the East Coast with in CZW and with NJPW in
Japan. Indeed, Bobby Quance’s star has never been more
luminous then it is at this very point. But sadly for
us fans this will be his last hurrah in wrestling, but
much to his credit he is going out on his own terms
and at the peak of his ability and investing his
efforts for a much more worthy cause. You would have
to assume that this is a must match for Quance and
that he’d be looking to make his apparent last match
ever (I’m not sure if he has any other appearances set
after this one) something special, and with Daniels as
his final opponent… I think Bobby Quance will get a
going away match to remember.
My Prediction: Very tough one, but I think
Christopher Daniels will take this one.
Fun Navy SEAL Fact!:
The SEALS among other things are experts in many of
forms of Guerrilla Warfare…. coincidence? yeah
probably.
Another Fun NAVY Fact: In commemoration
of past and present services of the US Navy. NAVY Day
is observed on October 27th of every year. That date
also marks the anniversary of the formation of the
NAVY in the year 1775.!
What’s that you say? they are making a “Sandlot 2”?
the police are harshing your mellow? chocolate… for
breakfast? a unified Germany? Only 4 matches on this
show?
Well I can answer that last one, NO WAY Dude… that’s
just the tip of the PWG iceberg! PWG usually has about
7-8 matches per show… so it’s safe to expect 3 or 4
other matches to be added. I’d be willing to bet that
PWG has something big up their sleeves for this
one….
Also set to appear: Samoa Joe, Super Dragon, Joey
Ryan, Hook Bomberry, Top Gun Talwar, and Scott Lost
picks his new partner for the PWG Tag Team Titles!
So what else could be in store for us here? Well….
perhaps…
The Samoa Joe-Super Dragon feud: At “The
Secret of the ooze” Samoa Joe punished Super Dragon so
severely, that he could not return to the ring by the
Referee’s 20 count and suffered a count out loss. But
Samoa Joe made one huge mistake… he didn’t finish
the job. So the next month at the “next show” during
Samoa Joe’s PWG title match against Frankie
Kazarian… Super Dragon ran out and delivered a
message to Samoa Joe and that message was: “My name is
Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die”
after a huge altercation (also involving Joe’s other
arch rival American Dragon) the match was halted.
Super Dragon had cost Samoa Joe the PWG championship.
On October 9th in Hollywood California, how will Samoa
Joe extract his revenge on the man who robbed him of
the PWG title? What else could the vengeful Super
Dragon have in store for Samoa Joe? Clearly something
huge is brewing here, this feud is like the Mount St.
Helens of PWG, you never know when it’ll erupt
again.
Scott Lost picks new partner: “Evil will
always triumph over good because good is dumb” – Dark
Helmet. And at PWG’s last event, that statement rang
true. As the villainous Scott Lost (and new allies The
First Family) outwitted Joey Ryan to gain victory in a
ladder match to capture sole possession of the prized
PWG Tag Titles. But the question… still remained…
who would Lost select as his new partner? Now at “Use
Your Illusion 3” that question will finally be
answered. Just whom will he select as his new
championship partner? Could it be: Lost’s
X-Foundation partner Tommy Williams? One of the First
Family’s members? Kazarian? Babi Slymm? Brad Bradley?
Jenna Bush? Chris Bosh? Spanky? Alfalfa? John Edwards?
John Heidenreich? Samoa Joe? Super Dragon? Ultimo
Dragon? Puff The Magic Dragon? Hook Bomberry? Kenny
Kaos? Teddy Hart? Teddy Roosevelt? Teddy Ruxpin? Teddy
Danson? or perhaps maybe it’ll be someone no one
would ever expect (Remember PWG has surprised us in
the past with major unadvertised names) and just what
will Joey Ryan have to say about this? Will the new
champions be defending their titles? Is there a Santa
Claus? Find out on October 9th as the PWG Title
landscape is changed…. forever.
There you have it, this could shape up to be the
sleeper PWG event of the year. So if you happen to be
in or near the Los Angeles area, please come and check
this one out live and help give Bobby Quance a send
off to remember. Bring a few a few friends! Make it a
class field trip! Have a family reunion! And what
better early Christmas gift is there, then a night of
PWG action!
For official details please visit:
http://www.prowrestlingguerrilla.com/news
If you don’t live in the area, SHAME ON YOU! What you
think you are too good to live in the area? What the
hell is your damage man? You sicken me… Seriously
though if you can’t make the show, then be sure to
pick up one of PWG’s many excellent DVD releases at
either http://www.prowrestlingguerrilla.com or
http://www.highspots.com, Including the newly released
PWG Anniversary super show “Reason for the Season”
called by many the best show in PWG history (including
the epic Frankie Kazarian Vs. Adam Pearce Loser leaves
town Cage match, SD Vs. CM Punk in an intense 30
minute war, Samoa Joe/Ricky Reyes Vs. American
Dragon/Chris Daniels, AJ Styles Vs. Rocky Romero, Joey
Ryan Vs. Scott Lost and more) and “The Secret of the
Ooze” (featuring the first meeting between Super
Dragon and Samoa Joe, Frankie Kazarian Vs. Colt
Cabana, PUMA Vs. Josh Prohibition, CM Punk, a Tag
gauntlet and more!) and while you are there, why not
pick up a stylish PWG T-shirt! Heck, just sign your
life savings over to PWG already… you’d just waste
it on material items to rot your teeth and your mind
anyway, you selfish bastard.
That’s about it, I’d like to thank you all for
reading, please leave any feedback or Transformers:
The Movie references you may want to add right here or
email it to newberrypcn@yahoo.com
I’d be glad to hear it….
Ok, now I’d like to end this one on a serious note and
give my thanks to Bobby Quance, not only for all he
has given the world of wrestling but for having the
guts and sheer bravery to defend our great country as
part of the US Navy. So I’d just like to say, bon
voyage, Bobby Quance. We won’t forget you….
So until next time, this is Paul Newberry saying…
Yvan Eht Nioj.
