By Silverback, PWG Staff Writer
Citrus Heights, California – With tensions running high after “Taste The Radness,” Pro Wrestling Guerrilla (http://www.prowrestlingguerrilla.com) decided to lighten the mood by bringing in two of the most light hearted wrestlers on earth; American Dragon and Brad Bradley! But to off set the easy going nature of that match, PWG also decided to book two of the most intense rivals wrestling has ever seen, two men whose hatred burns with the heat of ten thousand suns; Ebessan and Kuishinbo Kamen! On March 7 at the Santa Ana Elks Lodge, wrestlers will collide, matches will take place, battles will be won, and limbs will be lost!• “Black Tigers” Jeremy Lopez vs. Puma – Recently returning from safari in Japan where he hunted the elusive Tigers Mask, Jeremy Lopez has come back to the United States in order to capture the majestic Puma! Lopez has spent months tracking his quarry, and finally has tracked Puma to the Los Angeles area, and like any great hunter, has even predicted where the mighty beast will be! Fans in the first three rows, consider yourselves forewarned! Not only will you be in the proximity of phenomenal professional wrestling, but you will also be near Jeremy Lopez and a loaded elephant rifle, trying to shoot down Puma, one of the fastest men in the sport today! Please bring adequate protection, such as a kevlar vest or a thick sweater.
• Bobby Quance vs. Tigers Mask – When one of the most promising up and comers in professional wrestling comes to PWG and demands a match with another young wrestler from a completely different side of the world, Comissioner Paul T tells them to go fly a kite. However, Bobby Quance and Tigers Mask are both really nice young men, and would never make such a demand of PWG or Comissioner Paul T. Therefore, to instill a bit of a mean streak in one, or possibly both men, Paul T made this match with one stipulation: the loser must walk home! While Los Angeles resident Quance isn’t too worried about this, Tigers Mask definetely feels like he has something to prove, and will be giving it all at “88 Miles Per Hour!”
• Gurentai (MASADA & NOSAWA) vs. Havana Pitbulls (Ricky Reyes & Rocky Romero) – In the Democratic People’s Republic of Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, all international competitors are required to register with all 6 bodies of the government, from the Department of State (Joey Ryan) to the Department of Agriculture (Scott Lost). With that said, it is no surprise that upon registration for “88 Miles Per Hour,” the Havana Pitbulls found that they will not receive a title shot, but will face off in a DPRPWG/United Nations sanctioned match again Gurentai, the team of Japan’s MASADA and Mexico’s NOSAWA. Will the winners of this match receive a title shot down the line, or will evil Ministers of State and Agriculture plot and scheme their way out of another title defense?
• American Dragon vs. Brad Bradley – Imagine this scene: A man riding in a limousine decides that he wants a better view of the city, so he opens the sunroof, sticks his head out, and takes in the sights and sounds of Los Angeles at 35 miles per hour. At that very moment, a clown on stilts is crossing the street, on his way to the circus, or possibly a festival, or perhaps even a street fair. Closing in on the clown, the limo driver depresses the brake pedal, only to find that he is unable to stop! The driver lays on the horn, and the clown, startled by the sudden noise, stops dead in his tracks, bends over and looks backward between his legs at the incoming threat. The limo passes under the clown’s body, the car goes between the stilted legs, but the head of the clown and the head of the limo passenger collide, instantly decapitating both men! As crazy as that sounds, the match between American Dragon and the Midwest’s own Brad Bradley will be even crazier!
• Frankie Kazarian & Babi Slymm vs. “Scrap Iron” Adam Pearce & Hardkore Kidd – Much like the proposed merger between Comcast & Disney, Frankie Kazarian and Babi Slymm decided to come together in the face of increased market pressure, the increased market pressure in this case being Hardkore Kidd and PWG Champion Adam Pearce! With the belt in his hands, and the new partnership with Hardkore Kidd, Adam Pearce is doing all he can to insure that his title reign will more successful than Frankie Kazarian’s! Without a rematch clause in his contract, Frankie is forced to work his way back into title contention, but because Slymm was the last to be eliminated in the 4-way match for the title in January, Frankie is not instantly named number one contender. Also attributed to the convoluted nature of the PWG title picture is the position of the moon, Commissioner Paul T’s mood, especially on days where he is forced to go on missions with the other Surf Ninjas, and the rulings of the Santa Ana Elks. Therefore, challenges were made, a tag match was signed, and gauntlets were thrown!
• Ebessan vs. Kuishinbo Kamen – In every super heroic relationship, there is a leader and a sidekick. From Batman & Robin to Superman & Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen, that’s just how it is. However, when it came time for Japanese crime fighters Kuishinbo Kamen and Ebessan to make a decision about the nature of their relationship, the men failed to reach acceptable terms, and their days as partners was over. For many years now, their battle has raged all over the great continent of Japan, from the icy wastes in the far, far north, to the arid, 10,000 square mile desert in the south, seemingly no place in Japan was safe from the destruction brought by these powerful forces! Now, not even the peaceful island nation of America can avoid the rampage! Entire cities have been leveled, fields left fallow and radioactive, water left polluted and undrinkable, all in the name of figuring out who is the Green Hornet, and who is Kato? Who is Super Dave Osborne, and who is Fuji?! Find out on March 7th!
Guerrilla Games Elimination Match
• Super Dragon, Disco Machine, Excalibur, Joey Ryan, & Scott Lost vs. Topgun Talwar, Scorpio Sky, Quicksilver, Chris Bosh, & Charles Mercury – The paint that is hatred which was sprayed and speckled all over the canvas that is PWG has barely had time to dry when another bucket of hateful paint will be thrown carelessly in the direction of the PWG canvas. No, fans, this is not a bit by painter/auteur Andy Warhol, this is, in fact, the biggest rivalry PWG has ever seen! Much like a great painting, there are many subtle elements to this Guerrilla Games Elimination Match, so subtle that only the trained eye can see them. To some, this may appear to be simply a fight between Ye Olde Timers and the youngsters, the vets against the rookies, painted easily with broad strokes. To others, the individual feuds and agendas make up the finer details, the finer details of the biggest metaphorical painting that fans have metaphorically seen! Whatever the case may be, this match will end with one team, and one team only as the clear winner, with the canvas painted in the loser’s blood! (See, that’s tricky, because I could mean the canvas of the ring, or the canvas of the painting I referred to earlier, there’s only one way to find out what I really meant!)
“88 Miles Per Hour” takes place Sunday, March 7, 2004 at the Santa Ana Elks Lodge, at 5:00PM. The Santa Ana Elks Lodge is located at 212 S. Elk Lane, Santa Ana, CA 92701. Tickets are $18 each, and will be available at the door. Tickets will be available online at http://www.prowrestlingguerrilla.com, or by mail (PWG Tickets, PO Box 1527, Temple City, CA 91780. Certified checks or money orders only, please.) For more information, please visit http://www.prowrestlingguerrilla.com or email info@prowrestlingguerrilla.com.
