“Put the kids the sleep, lock the wife in the closet, and shoot yourself in the mouth with a shotgun”

I wish I was like you
Easily amused
Find my nest of salt
Everything is my fault
I’ll take all the blame
Aqua seafoam shame
Sunburn with freezerburn
Choking on the ashes of her enemy
All in all we all are

So I made fun of Blade. I did my rhetorical questions. I battled with a son of god, and McCord. I made fun of Steve and Lonnie about their gay sex antics. I made fun of XPW, Lonnie’s gay dog, Krane’s forehead, and well, that’s it.

Yet, only one person e-mails me. Guess who. Go ahead, guess.

Done guessing?


I’ll give you a minute then.

Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.


Go ahead, GUESS!


Jason McCord e-mailed me, and we squashed the “beef.” See, us big boys do that. We settle shit by e-mail, and not through messageboards. LONNIE. Out of this whole stint, I realized one thing:

You people are idiots.

There, that’s my opinion. Take it for what it’s worth. As for the wrestling part of this column, here it goes.


So this is farewell. I’m hanging up the ol’ keyboard, and gonna move to Florida to kick it with Versace’s dead body. To all those who liked me, thanks for the e-mails, dicks. To all those who disliked me, I LOVE YOU! Signing off for the last time fags.

Flapping Phoenix Ranmal