After the Red Carpet Rumble event, Championship Wrestling From Port Hueneme followed up with a set of episodes that are now leading to Tito Escondido vs. Peter Avalon at whatever their next big event is called. We get Vermin fallout. Lots of bad booking. But not everything sucks here. You know the drill. Let’s get to the bottom of this shit.
This episode starts off with Dave Marquez in the ring, and he introduces Peter Avalon. The finish of the match with Peter and Scorpio Sky from the Red Carpet Rumble was shown during Peter’s entrance, which was a good touch. Peter cuts a promo on Tito Escondido. Then Tito came out to the ring and interrupts things. Tito then called Peter a firl and started to beat him up before Johnny Yuma came out and made the save with the most unconvincing punches ever. Tito should’ve no-sold that shit, even if Yuma is the booker, he should’ve just said “fuck this” and shot on him, for the sake of making things look believable. Ryan Taylor came out, got bumped off the ring, and there was a stare down between Tito and Ryan outside the ring and Yuma and Avalon inside the ring. This segment was alright, and different from the usual bullshit that starts the shows.
After this, we go backstage to SCU Royalty Joshua Shibata, even though he was seen right next tot he commentary team before the jump. He introduces Rocky Romero, who cuts a promo on Eric Watts. He ended up being interrupted by Devin Sparks and they setup a match. Josh was really good here. He’s better than Toasterdork Grant. Way better. Although I feel like Josh’s character would be better if he were to channel his inner Paul T. and shit on American wrestling and culture.
United Wrestling Network Tag Team Championship Match: The Friendship Express (The Hobo & Jervis Cottonbelly) (c) vs. The Classic Connection (Buddy Royal & Levi Shapiro)
Ugh, this bullshit. For some reason, the Classic Connection are getting a title shot because they didn’t get pinned at the Red Carpet Rumble. The do their usual entrance with Shapiro doing his stupid claw pose. They were both wearing Zubaz pants during their entrance cause THEY’RE OLD SCHOOL BRO HAHA GET IT THEY DO AN OLD SCHOOL GIMMICK WHERE THEY WORK BORING MATCHES AND WEAR OLD SHIT IT’S HILARIOUSSSSSZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….Anyways, the Douchechill Express of the Hobo and Kevin Condron pulled out Zubaz headbands, and the Classic Connection attacked the Douchechill Express to start the match. They have a shitty brawl outside the ring. Once inside the ring, they had a shitty match. Jervis Snowflake did his usual unfunny bullshit and there were some really shitty comedy spots. This sucked. The Classic Connection won via disqualification because they got tossed over the top rope. Fucking lame ass booking for a lame ass match.
Devin Sparks (w/ Young Boys) vs. Rocky Romero
This match was alright. There were some lame Japanese-related jokes and puns from the commentator dorks. Ugh, fuck these guys. Seriously. HUR HUR DEVIN SPARKS IS GOING TO MOUNT FUJI CAUSE HE’S OUTSIDE THE RING DUR HUR. The only real comedy provided in this match was when Rocky Romero stole Devin Sparks’ jacket during the match and wore it while beating up Sparks. The match was pretty basic, with Sparks working over Rocky’s shoulder being the main story of the match. Rocky made a comeback, and also hit a nice flying armbar on Sparks. After Sparks got a rope break during the submission, he went outside of the ring and got counted out. Again, this match was alright. Not great, but not shitty. It was just a match. The fuck more you people want me to say about this?
Post match shenanigans: after Sparks lost, he tried to sneak attack Rocky Romero, but Rocky got the upper hand and stood tall at the end. During Rocky’s post match antics with Sparks, there was footage of Yuma and Avalon backstage before their match, which was a good touch. Backstage, Joshua Shibata interviews THE DEEJ, who was literally buried in his parents’ backyard during a CZW event by John Zandig. He’s facing Big Duke. Fuck that shit, I’d rather watch a video of a polar bear trying to kill a walrus narrated by Bill Burr.
Vermin (Tito Escondido & Ryan Taylor) vs. Peter Avalon & Johnny Yuma
Before the match started off, there was stuff that ended up with Andrew Yuma and Peter Avalon hitting stereo tope suicidas. The crowd was dead once the match started, and the fake crowd noise DID NOTHING TO HELP MAKE THINGS BETTER. Stop that shit, Dave. Fucking stop it now! The first half of the match was full of nothing worth writing or caring about. Just basic shit. Yuma got worked over by Tito and Ryan Taylor before getting the HOT TAG into the BABYFACE FIRE sequence from Peter Avalon where he took out both members of Vermin. Then towards the finish of the match, Ryan Taylor was about to tag in Tito Escondido and said something about Vermin, but Tito bailed on him. Yuma hit Ryan Taylor with his shitty finishing move and got the win for his team.
Post match shenanigans: Team Creative Control, Yuma and Avalon, shook hands and that was the end of the episode. It’s hilarious how the most unlikable worker in the match is booking himself so strong as a babyface. Anyways, yeah. Peter and Yuma shook hands and left to end the episode. Oh, and Ryan Taylor was also having a mental breakdown.
We start off with Joshua Shibata backstage with Big Duke. He says he’s God when he’s in the ring and talks about their feud over their use of the Lariat, as if anyone cares. The DEEJ was literally buried in his parents’ backyard by John Zandig. Why should I fucking care about anything involving a guy who was BURIED IN HIS PARENTS BACKYARD!?
Big Duke vs. DJ Hyde
So Duke comes out tot he ring for his match and is attacked by DJ Hyde. They have a short match that ends in a no contest after DJ Hyde attacked the referee. Outside of the ring, DEEJ threw Duke into the ring steps. After that, he brought the ring steps inside the ring along with a plastic chair. Duke took a chair shot to the back, placed his head perfectly on the ring steps, and DEEJ hit him in the head with the chair. Duke started to “foam” at the mouth, but really it was obviously Duke put some Alka-Seltzer tablet shit in his mouth to create a shitty visual effect. Why couldn’t they have just used fake blood? Tyler Bateman bled in his fucking match, why couldn’t Duke have blood coming from his mouth? That would look much better than that lame foam shit. The fans chanted for DEEJ, who was literally buried in his parents’ backyard by John Zandig. LOL@this shit. FUCKING RUCKUS BABY! RUCKUS! NEF BOOCHA! WATER CONTAINERS! NIC CAGE IS GONNA WIN TOURNAMENT OF DEATH!!!! (random indy wrestling viral video reference from 10 years ago coming in by the truckload)
But seriously, if the fans are chanting for a heel who just took out of the guys you’ve been building as a babyface for the last year, you’re doing something wrong. This angle is an example of how the CWFH booking team is doing shit wrong.
Backstage, a fake-Marquez son confronted the DEEJ with Joshua Shibata holding a microphone so we can hear everything going on. DEEJ got suspended, but DEEJ was defiant. Oh boy, we’re gonna get more bullshit involving the DEEJ! Bill Burr doing commentary on a video of a fat guy trying to jump through ice would be better than whatever they have planned involving DEEJ is.
Espiritu vs. Suede Thompson
There’s nothing worse than dancing white guys, and Suede Thompson is not an exception to that rule. The fans were chanting “THIS IS AWESOME” before the match started, which was stupid. Suede danced and dabbed a bunch. Not “dab” in the sense that he was getting high, but doing that stupid dance. Fuck I hate this guy. He also slaps his leg when he kicks. Even when he did the Tree Of Woe Double Stomp/Warrior’s Way (that Low Ki move), he slapped his legs. He didn’t need to do that shit on that move. Espiritu was good in this. He had some nice offense. Espiritu hit an Ace Crusher off the top rope and drove the face of Suede Thompson onto his knees. This match didn’t have much else write about in it. Just too much stupid shit in this for it to be good.
After a commercial break, Joshua Shibata is backstage and interviews Joey Ryan. Josh asked Joey his feelings about Vermin and being eliminated from the Red Carpet Rumble by Yuma. Joey is gonna focus on himself now. Meh. Joey cut a promo on Tito Escondido for their match later in the night. It was pretty bad.
Dylan Drake vs. Pinky
This was the battle of the guys who haven’t won a match. Dylan Drake worked over the arm of Pinky. Pinky got the win after he kneed Dylan Drake in the face after Dylan Drake tried to go for a Double Axe Handle off the middle rope. This was pretty boring and just killed time. But hey, Pinky got the win at least. Also, I really think the dude should try to get gear like Abyss’ in TNA 10 years ago. That should would be better suited for a guy like him and make him look like a real monster rather than just another big dude wearing traditional wrestling gear.
Post match shenanigans: Johnny Yuma came out to the ring and addressed the fans. Hr cut a promo, then was interrupted by a video of him backstage crying to some chick with some kid. Then he left. Some people in the crowd were going “what was that?” and the sounds of waves at the ocean could be heard because of how little people cared about this segment. I’m guessing this is some shit that will involve Yuma’s wife, kid, and some worker fucking with Yuma. Oh well, at least the bookerman’s getting himself over with some unique storylines instead of getting other, more talented wrestlers over who are instead either always getting jobbed out, not used properly, or just flat out not used at all on this show.
Backstage with Joshua Shibata with the Classic Connection. They cut a shitty promo on Hobo and Jervis. Shapiro kept doing his stupid Claw pose in this. I know he uses it because it’s OLD SKOOL BRO and because it is popular among his people, but that shit seriously just looks lame, just like his entire schtick. Really, all “old school” gimmicks fucking suck. It’s jut an excuse for lazy and unathletic wrestlers to justify their shitty existence in wrestling. Anyways, the promo sucked. Not much else to say. The context was simple. They wanted belts. Blah, blah, blah. Shibata continues to be better than Toasterdork. Cathy Kelley still the G.O.A.T. CWFH Backstage Interviewer.
Holidead vs. Heather Monroe
So the set up for this match, as explained by the commentators, was Heather Monroe defeated Ashley Grace in a “qualifying match” to face Holidead. Why would Ashley Grace be in a qualifying match to go against someone she already beat? Fucking stupid booking! This was alright. but there were some sloppy moments in this. Still, there were some good moments in this. There was one cool spot where Heather Monroe went for a tilt-a-whirl move, but was countered by Holidead with a facebuster. Holidead got the win after hitting The Dead End (Christian’s Unprettier) on Heather Monroe. Again, an alright match. Not much to really write about.
Post match shenanigans: Holidead attacked Heather Monroe, and Ashley Grace made the save. The announcers kept talking about this unseen match with Heather Monroe and Ashley Grace in this. Backstage, Joshua Shibata interviewed Tito Escondido, and Tito cut a good promo on Joey.
Tito Escondido vs. Joey Ryan
The first portion of the match saw Tito controlling Joey Ryan for awhile, with the fans getting behind Joey. Eventually Joey would make the predictable comeback (because we all know how wrestling works, good guy gets beaten up for awhile to draw heat on the heel, he comes back with moves to get the fans into shit, blah blah blah) and played to the crowd after hitting a tope suicida to the outside on Tito. Tito would then hit a nice kick combo, followed by a Dragon Suplex on Joey that was cool. I like seeing Joey taking headdrops on shit like that. I’d like to see him do that more often. Look man, it’s not my neck, so fuck it. I don’t care.
The finishing stretch of the match saw Joey hit a superkick on Tito, and when he was going for a second one, he got caught. Tito would then hit the “Paint It Black” (Roderick Strong’s finisher) on Joey for the win. This was a good match. These guys can do better, but this show isn’t exactly the place where wrestlers get to showcase their talents to the fullest of their abilities.
Post match shenanigans: Tito yells and leave to end the episode.
Overall these episodes were alright. The tag team division is really awful and not worth caring about. Yuma being a top babyface is fucking stupid and lame. The matches are still pretty heatless and the crowds are dead, so when the fake crowd noise was being played, the matches come off worse. The commentators are fucking dreadful still and need to be replaced. There were some improvements on these shows. The focus on the Avalon/Escondido was done well, and the shows were less formulaic than usual. Also, Joshua Shibata did great. I hope he replaces Toasterdork full-time.
With that said, expect a special review soon. No, it won’t be a special Championship Wrestling From Hollywood review, but it’ll be a BRUTAL one.